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QLD Family Court Orders - Forced Take Children to Co-Curricular Activity?

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by danielle89, 29 July 2015.

  1. danielle89

    danielle89 Member

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    I was not asked for my opinion when my ex made the decision to place my kids in soccer. We made the agreement if she put them in she would take them as it is not my decision and now she is trying to get family court orders stating I have to take them to soccer. Is it possible to force someone to take a child to an extra activity?
     
  2. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

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    Anything is possible if the court is left to decide the matter, so technically, yes, it can be ordered that each parent ensure the child attends extra-curricular activities, but it also be ordered that neither party enrol a child in extra curricular activities without written consent of the other party.

    It would be better to discuss this issue at mediation to try and determine an outcome that reflects the best interests of the child. The court would be very unwilling to determine this kind of issue because strictly speaking, it's petty on its own, so it would take a very long time and cost an awful lot of money.
     
  3. speck1

    speck1 Well-Known Member

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    had the same problem with dancing on weekends.
    my ex SAID that i HAVE to do all the dancing activities on the one weekend a month i have daughter and cannot take her to other places.
    just ridiclous, all about control
     
  4. danielle89

    danielle89 Member

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    i did actually go to see a lawyer and it turns out that she has no say in what i do with my kids while they are in my care unless it affects there health or schooling. thank you to who replied and yes spek1 it WAS about she trying to control what i can and cannot do.
     
  5. okanynameyouwishthen

    okanynameyouwishthen Well-Known Member

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    Fancy finding this post today! I had my daughter today for 4 hours unsupervised. The last time I did was 2 years and 1 week ago. In between there had been false domestic violence claims, 1 year of supervised contact centre visits of 90 mins p/f then 6 months of paternal grandparents supervising 4hrs p/f at home visits, a gullible incompetent family consultant and many mention hearings ordering many hoops & hurdles be vaulted. At last fortnights hand back I was handed copy of a party invitation for my daughter to attend her school friend's party occurring today and no further explanation. I agonised about what to do as I have not even walked my daughter to school in 2 years she been going, was omitted from enrollment forms & so to school community I either don't exist or I guess I'm that supposed DV abuser due to be shunned when/if met (ex does like to rally support & play innocent "victim") Also through much relentless pressure I have finally been sent a copy of child's mid term report that doesn't read well unfortunately (academically & socially ) & so I have requested an a meeting with school principal &/or counselor to discuss these things & awaiting reply.Many things filled my thoughts & admittedly 1 was " WTF I just want to see our daughter & be just us 2 hanging out not being shadowed or having to also host others- I but more-so she deserved this day finally.
    My main concern though was if I took her there.I don't know any details of her friendship "issues" yet & so didn't want to create any potential for teasing or taunting or questioning that my presence could cause & not to mention should I stay at party extremely anxious & very uncomfortable & possibly making other parent's awkward.Not to mention the poor little girl whose b/day it was.
    Eventually sent ex's lawyer a letter politely asking for mine/daughter's visit to be moved from 1st August to 2nd. I had agreed to a request to change days for this exact reason mid April after all & once back in June '14 to allow daughter to attend Disney on Ice.Agreed to both without flinching actually as it was best thing to do for daughter 1st.
    Reply I got back not only flat out refused to change days it accused me of threatening & bullying behaviors as well as the belittling , elitist drivel scattered throughout such as " our client assumed you would welcome the chance to meet other parents " & " ****'s bag will be packed with invite & present for scheduled visit as stands & assume you will facilitate child's attendance to party ".
    I responded barely containing my disgust but pointed out my reasoning's & begged for a rethink to allow our daughter to have a win/win result & offered other alternatives such as picking child up from police station 30mins after party to have 4hrs Saturday still as I had inquired with contact service if they could still host handovers but they could not & ex had listed police station as fallback place in her orders sought.
    Reiterated I didn't want to fight or blame or seek pay backs of any sort, but as I had daughter 4hrs p/f compared to ex's 332 I invited ex to honestly think whether she would allow her time dictated to her by me should the scenario be reversed.Stated I couldn't allow any further control of me & if I hadn't heard back by cob Friday I would consider that as confirming 'no deal' & so would arrive to collect daughter Saturday but had very reluctantly decided I could/would not take daughter to party.
    Next evening after not getting any phone calls from daughter in over a month despite ex being told to facilitate them should child ask( I ((& child )) say she does ask-ex says she doesn't & she feels it's not her task to "push her to make them" ) I get a surprise call from daughter ( on speaker phone per usual ) who had me stammering midway by asking " Daddy am I seeing you Sat. or Sun. this visit ? " I told her I wasn't sure as there were things to have worked out by grown ups ( Ha ) but either day we would be having fun & we shouldn't really be talking about this stuff & I would see her in couple days time & couldn't wait.
    No response by cob Friday thus starting long sleepless night ,over thinking & changing mind 100 times & stressing myself to point of gut cramps & throwing up.
    Picked up daughter this morning for this important transition & took her home where we had an absolute awesome 4hrs of love,laughs,chats & pizza just the 2 of us very comfortable & relaxed.
    About 2 hours in whilst at park I did briefly ask her if she was cool with being with me instead of party,that I was sorry in a way that it had turned out like this as I had wanted her to be able to do both. I stopped short of blaming her mum but during a chat did state " if only your mum wasn't so angry with me things would be a lot better & I was sorry for that & that I loved her so much & miss her like anything (daughter not ex) & will never stop trying to get to see her more than I am presently allowed & would do until she said she would rather not have me around & prayed that never would happen as she means world to me.
    I reckon I was still unsure up until I told her it was time to start getting ready as I had to get her back to centre.Her innocent reactions nearly had me bawling as did her huge hug of me when staff member collected her from me in centre to take her to her mum.
    No doubt her lawyers will use this as further proof of my " totally selfish character that is not only lacking in insight but unable to think in a child focused manner " unlike their client, the mother.
    Welcome fellow members opinion whether I did wrong or not please ?
     
  6. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

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    It's not ideal that the birthday party was organised at a time when your daughter would be spending time with you. In a perfect world, the mother would have either agreed to the change of time or RSVP'd the child's non-attendance on her commitment to supporting the child's relationship and time spent with you.

    However, since the mother failed in her duty to co-parent properly, that duty was then left to you, and in my view, the better choice would have been to take the child to the party.

    The reason I say this is because the average kid not subject to a court hearing wouldn't miss out on a birthday party with friends so that their parents could spend more time with them.

    I understand the dynamic is different. It's easy to want to protect what little time you do have with her so that she has plenty of time to build a stronger bond with you. However, if you treat your time with your daughter like a special occasion instead of just regular parenting time, so too will the court. If you treat it like parenting time, where you're invested in even the inconvenient parts of parenting time, such as kids parties and soccer games and gym classes, the court will treat you accordingly.

    I also don't agree with your comments to the child about "mummy being angry" because that's a discussion, however brief, with the child about adult conflict. I also think it would be better not to treat your parenting role as a decision for the child to make by saying you'll be there until she says she doesn't want you around. That suggests she has a choice, when she really doesn't. You're a parent, she loves you, you're a given in her life, no matter what she says, aren't you?

    That's my view, anyhow. In the same token, I can't imagine the court putting a lot of weight on a missed birthday party. At the end of the day, what your daughter does while in your care is your decision, not the mother's. That's not to say the court can't order attendance at extra-curricular activities, but a mark against the mother, I would argue, is not agreeing to the change of time. To me, that says she doesn't place a lot of importance on your daughter spending time with you, if she insists that your time with the child should be spent watching her play with other kids at a birthday party.

    Anyway, that's my two cents.
     
  7. speck1

    speck1 Well-Known Member

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    reading you post mate---so many similarities..even with lawyers responses ( pathetic women).
    I remember two years ago i was meant to take my DD out for dinner 6.30 - 8.00 (fri night).
    got a bloody flat tyre...text and rang ex and said, look it will have to be 7:15 to 8:45ish.

    "Nooooooooooooooo you dont.. her bedtime is 8pm on a fri night, WHAT KIND OF FATHER ARE YOU WANTING TO HAVE DINNER THAT LATE!"
    then tells dd daddy is coming and later found out didnt give her a reason.

    a week later. Friday night Fooball.
    DD attends game at MCG with mum start time 7:45, finish 10:15 and home at 11:15.

    go figure.
     
  8. okanynameyouwishthen

    okanynameyouwishthen Well-Known Member

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    cheers for replies Allforher! I appreciate the limited info. in post but so much more is involved. Biggest irk is not having my claims of family violence FROM ex to me involving financial & emotional abuse partly due to OCD & other mental health problems she had.

    I ended what became a toxic relationship with increasing verbal conflict by BOTH of us as I realized we would never fix it & child witnessing more arguments plus due to her controlling totalitarian parenting I felt more her inept, bumbling sidekick than a dad wanting to be a dad. 3 nappies then banished,didn't feed child right or bathe her. Pegged clothes out wrong order, folded them wrong, took too long when sent shopping & apparently washed dishes in wrong sequence. Yet the home was reduced to mere goat tracks only due to her OCD hoarding.

    Yet despite loads evidence backing my version including long history of mental ill-health & her own handwritten journals covering lots of what I said was happening including self harm when she felt backed into corner ( caught red handed cyber sexing ) Yet her AVO suddenly secured 3 days after notifying her of our intake to mediation to avoid court via DV claim holds up......go figure !

    Speck1- anytime brother & we have a " top that" battle as ouch ! yours sounds a treat but am confidant I unwittingly unmasked the queen bee of all queen bees that gave birth to bats*it crazy bees !! Lol ! It's a control & self esteem issue as far as I can make out..........along with the fact their child abusing nutjobs !!
     

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