QLD Ex Threatened Family Court - What to Do?

[Devoted_Dadd]

Hello,

Three years ago the ex and I broke up. When the ex left, she left to go live 4 hours away and our four (4) year old daughter was left with me "due to the stability and security and routine" that remaining with me would offer our daughter in contrast of the mother's "then" circumstance(s). The mother (ex) has two (2) other children to another relationship. The ex and two children left to live at the ex's father's home (June 2014).

While there, the ex's father had left the family home and went interstate as the stresses from the ex and children were too much, I presume, for the father. The home was a rental. Since the dad left, he left the responsibility for the bills in the hands of the ex. "Long story short", bills weren't paid and an eviction notice was issued (August 2014).

The ex and children to previous the partnership then were found to be staying on the couches of the ex's friends houses as she was having a hard time being successful in any rental applications (4 hours away). At this time, I was informed of this as she confided in me for administrative assistance, emotional support and guidance. As I had a home office and she had seen me to be "clever" in this area of administration, I offered some help. I offered a roof over their heads as the repetitive rejections for real-estates and her efforts to move forward were not taking fruition. She was disheartened and gave up.

She and her children returned back on the proviso that it's short term and that she remains looking for a place of her own of her choosing. In that time, she tried to "get back with me" and I wanted no bar of it. Things became funny and communication was bleak. She left again but left the two other children with me as I offered one (1) week of home schooling and it was one week before the school holidays. "She often left - carting her children back and forwards - back and forwards" (not our daughter though) as I wouldn't allow an unsettled and uprooting of a stable environment (Sept 2014).

She returned picked up the children (not our child together) and left (4 hours away) to return again two weeks before Christmas Day. She ended up leaving on Christmas eve. The ex this time left to go 18 hours away.

We (daughter and I) never saw her again until nine (9) months later September 2014 (1 week visit). In that time there was fostered by me a "Skype" between them both, maybe three (3) times a week. It was irregular once I began to let her engage the calls rather than me.

In September 2015, the ex traveled 18 hours (one state to another) unannounced to daughter's Family Day Care provider's office to attempt to attain the address of the whereabouts of daughter's Educator. Received a phone call from Police stating "Mother has made a complaint and wanted a welfare check done as she is in fear of daughter safety" The Sgt said "I will not be doing one as I know she is safe" he also said "Be vigilant as it appears the mother looks to be trying to grab your daughter and take her".

When her attempts were foiled and she came up empty-handed, she then called me. "Can I see daughter as I am in town?"

As much as I wanted to as I believe a child needs both parents (Mum/Dad) to be complete and whole, I had to factor in what just happened and it wouldn't have been in the best interest of our daughter if she got taken away from her home and get taken away by her mother that she isn't very familiar with, 18 hours away to not be returned. "It was a sad development and it really pained me" I said no (September 2015)

From Sept 2015 - now there has been a phone call once in a blue moon. Two months, three months in-between Skype. Same Skype and mobile number - unchanged. Missed Birthday and Christmas just gone. Daughter is still upset as "postman Pat" still hasn't delivered presents that the ex said she would send daughter years ago. *Only gets surfaced when in contact with Mum.

Called the mother up so our daughter could wish her mum a "Happy Mother's Day". Daughter asked mother "why she is never here and wanted to know were her presents are". Daughter said "Dad, Mum wants to talk with you". She then yelled and threatened me with family court and said "I'm taking you to court and I will win" then hung up.

We're 18 hours apart, daughter is at kindy. Kindy is inline with primary school holidays. What steps should I take for mother to spend time with her mother and have something legally binding in case the mother doesn't return our daughter?

Sorry if it's a bit lengthy, short form isn't my forte.

 

[sammy01]

Do nothing - let her apply to court...

But if you feel you need to do something, do you have a capacity to communicate with mum in writing? Write to her offering opportunities to see / speak to child. Inform her visits can occur at either a supervision centre or if she would like contact she can write to you to get it organised.... So at very least you can get something in writing that says she agrees to pick up child at XXX time and return child at ZZZ time. That means you're not seen as obstructing the mother from seeing the kid.

So before you can apply to court you need to attempt mediation. I'd suggest calling Relationships Australia - it will be free or very cheap $200... Chances are the ex wont show.

Or ask ex to sign consent orders - this is my preferred option. Consent orders stipulate when the mum can see the kid. It should be pretty easy. The child lives with dad. The child will spend time with mother by agreement and in lieu of agreement the mother will spend 3 one week periods per year with the child. The mother is required to provide the father with 21 days notice of planned visits.

If the child is to travel the parents agree that the mother will pay for the tickets and the father will reimburse half the expense. Tell her you will pay the expense of getting the consent orders stamped by the court (maybe $400? I'm not sure)

Nothing can stop her picking up the kid and running. Bits of paper cant stop that from happening. Bits of paper can make it easier for you to get into court to get the kid back. Having consent orders stamped by the court will help

 

[Devoted_Dadd]

Hello Sammy and thanks for your reply.


Funny you mention "Mediation". I received an invitation today from "Legal Aid NSW". I have confirmed 'I accept' and will be happy to attend.

Yes, capacity to communicate through Skype. Have a record of four (4) years worth of communications. All are amicable and positive besides a couple to were "I best lock my doors as I am going to get my head beaten in". The Ex is a lovely lady and a great mum and I only wish goodness for all.

The ex has attempted to share ideas for visitation with our daughter previous in the school holidays and I have said "No, not unless we have some thing legally binding". As stated before, this pained me to say "no" as there was no legally binding order in place as to have a speedy recovery order?

If it is that she never returned our daughter, however I do believe and are hopeful once we have consent orders and the transition period goes smoothly the relationship will grow and bonds strengthened.

I assume that if we come to an agreement at mediation that the agreement autographed by both of us can then be sent to the registry of the FCA and be turned into consent orders? Is this how that works?

Just got off the phone from the ex, seems as we're both apologetic about the call last night "yelling". She will Skype Daughter at bedtime tonight. Possibly after the call with daughter, I will seek out what it is she is wanting and see if we can draw up something suitable in these circumstances for a trouble free agreement at meditation.

She has always said "No Court." I will not go to court. She has began saying I will sign anything as to give you security for daughter's return. I pray we can get agreement so as Mother and Daughter can begin to grow a fruitful relationship. Fingers crossed.

 

[sammy01]

i would suggest you refuse mediation... Instead invite the legal aid solicitor to write up consent orders as per your ex's requests pertaining to time with child and how pick up and drop off with happen. You could write to solicitor to suggest your preferred access plan... Get back to this site before you do that .

Mediation is a talk fest and often leads to nothing... If your ex is serious about having legal aid you can use it to your advantage. Get the legal aid mob to do the paper work done, so it costs you nothing.

 

[Devoted_Dadd]

I thought refusal will see the other party with "a certificate" (The certificate) tho ? I have no idea who her solicitor is at this stage as the only communication was from a "conference organizer" from legal aid. (She want me to complete and return "Intake assessment and confidentiality agreement) tomorrow. I have only made communications via email to her saying i agree. "I can always disagree i know" but how do i put in place what you have suggested sammy? Could you please be a bit more specific how i could do this.... thank - you.

 

[sammy01]

ok - plan B - do the mediation. Dont waste money on solicitors. Just go and say that you're prepared to agree with XYZ and if the ex agrees she can get her legal aid solicitor to write it up.... Get that bit done first. Look you have said you are prepared to attend. So you would be stuffing around to change that now... You want to be seen to be compliant and reasonable... Especially if the ex isnt...

Look you could simply say that you're not gonna attend. BUT the risk is that legal aid would help get the ex into court... and you will seem to have been obstructive.

 

[Devoted_Dadd]

Have spoken to the ex. Her intention is to have some consent orders drawn up as for this gives me security that she will return Daughter. "Hope this is true"

She seems to feel as if i have been holding Daughter hostage, however as stated earlier she came 18 hours away un announced and was at Daughters Family Day Care Office trying to assassin Educators address back in 2015. This wouldn't of been in the best interests for Daughter i feel as the relationship wasn't familiar between the two as i have read that baby/toddlers they attache labels to people and it may have been that the labels attached to Mum were "never here, comes and goes, yells alot and gives great snuggles"

That day the ex tried the abovementioned, she asked to have Daughter. I said no as i feared her been uprooted from all she knew to be taken by her Mum to be never returned, Removed from Family, Her Dance, Day Care Friends, and her stable and secure routine. I did make the right decision didn't i?

Consent Orders and an agreement to give Mum access is great, the thought excites me as i have wanted this for a while "Just waiting for Mum to push for some legal agreement" however; I fear that when consent orders are done and the time arrives that Daughter goes to Ex that Ex is going to not return her? Would it be a case to where an Urgent recovery order would be successful and how would the recovery operate seems as we're both in different states?

I like to be positive and i am quite the optimist, i would just like to know?

Ta.

 

[sammy01]

so do mediation - better still if you're now talking to the ex, ask what sort of arrangements she would like.

Look not letting her see the kid ain't gonna matter

and yes getting consent orders in place gives a level of protection against her taking the kid and not returning... You would be in court in a few weeks and the ex would be given a stern talking to about not playing along with the rules...