NSW Divorce - Presence of Father at Baby's Delivery?

[Anni111]

Thank you to Thefactsonly. Your kind, understanding and genuine response is much appreciated.

This has no doubt been one of the most stressful times in my life. As you say (correctly) , I dont wish for my judgement to be imparied by emotion and the hormones. In the next couple of weeks before birth, I will rationally consider all that you have mentioned.

 

[sammy01]

ok so I reckon both are a bit harsh...
Migz - get your point. Understand your plight and how it may impact on your view of things... But I reckon there are better ways of expressing your opinion.

OP - I kinda get where Migz is coming from... You have expressed that you don't much care for your ex and is rights as a dad... There are lots of dad's here who have copped similar from their exes. I for one have been told that the kids will grow up better If they never had anything to do with me.... Sure my ex, like you are entitled to an opinion... But on a forum like this such suggestions are gonna get torn apart... A magistrate can determine that one parent should be removed from their kids life and occasionally they do exactly that... But one one parent expresses that sort of opinion, it demonstrates a lack of insight... No judge will give that to you as an outcome, not unless dad is a habitual paedophile or physically abuses the kids... Your opinion about the dad doesn't really matter and to be fair, no-one is fair and impartial when making value judgements about their ex... The emotional damage caused in a break up makes that pretty impossible.

Rant nearly over... Best to express opinions without the abuse...

OP - No the dad does not have a right to the birthing suite at the hospital. Infact the law doesn't have any opinion on any of it... Common sense and common decency might be a better source of inspiration on this one.

 

[anonmama]

Anni111,
I've personally been through this (separation during pregnancy). My ex was NOT at the hospital and had no idea when I was giving birth because I went in anonymously. The difference being that we separated due to domestic violence and I was scared of him which I informed hospital staff of.
If you have concerns about giving birth with your ex present you will do well to contact your midwife who can put you in touch with a social worker. Don't be afraid of this. They can allow you to go in anonymously so that your ex won't know when you're having the baby. This can make things much less stressful for you and baby. Going in anonymously means that your ex can call the hospital as many times as he likes and they cannot and will not give him any information on you/baby.
If this isn't what you wish to do then just know that if he does show up uninvited all you have to do is buzz for a nurse and they'll ask him to leave. If he refuses to leave they'll get security to escort him out HOWEVER if he becomes aggressive for any reason then the hospital has a duty of care and they will get FACS involved. A social worker will explain all of this to you should you choose to see one.

 

[Arche]

Anni
Fathers being present at the birth is a recent western idea, it is not set in stone as the only way fathers can bond with their children. Still, it is a great thing if it works for both parents.

If it doesn't, whether other people like it or not, you are the patient, not a brood mare, and giving birth happens to your body, not the father's. As the patient you have as much right to exclude others as the father would if he was having - well - a vasectomy. Hospitals have better things to do than sort out disputes and would soon get security involved if there is a problem.

What happens after that, when the children are born, is up to both parents. He has a responsibility too, it is not just up to you to make him into a father. Don't be surprised if once the children are born he wants to head to Court for orders about seeing the children.

 

[sammy01]

I disagree with the last bit of the last post. I'd be very very surprised if he wants to head to court for orders about seeing the kids...
WHY?
1. Well hopefully this nice lady will realise that she doesn't own the kids, she should work with dad to negotiate times for him to spend time with them... She would be stupid not to. TWINS - wow...

2. He would be stupid to go to court in the first two years (unless she completely withheld contact). Courts are not keen on making orders about changes in the future. No judge will order that in 2021 care changes to 50/50. They make orders based on current circumstances and will make some consideration for changing circumstances. So it is not a great idea to head to court when kids are so young....

Sadly, some comments on this tread are heading towards sexist stereotypes.... Mary, please don't get me wrong but on the one hand you've noted dad has a responsibility. and it is not up to HER to make him into a father. Can you see the contradiction. Not her responsibility to make him into a father YET in the next breath suggesting he might rush to court to see his kids... The only reason to apply to court is IF he is intent on being an active dad and the mother is stopping him

. How do we know that this bloke doesn't want to be the worlds best dad? Hell, if he wants to be in the birthing room with his now ex.. Seems to me that he is intent on putting the kids first... Strange world we live in... NOPE dad doesn't have the right to be there, it is a privilege. But at the very least, if it is his intent (which is why this thread was started) it indicates he has no intention of walking way from his responsibilities.

Mary, you're not the worst on this thread, not even close, just the most recent... I like wasting a bit too much of my spare time on this place. But I think we can do better than some of the recent stuff.
rant over