Help with Everything relating to separation

[wendlle]

Bit of background, My Husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for 7.
We have two children aged 4 and 2.

8 years ago I purchased a home with my parents, partner wasn't involved. We sold it and moved and again myself and parents purchased a home. Two years ago we re-financed, took my parents off and put Husband on to get a better deal, Husband had previous bankruptcy that was no longer a factor so we were approved. All good.

Fast forward, we have been separated since January 2020, he moved out and became homeless due to a rabid gambling habit. I have the kids 100% of the time. After a few months I found him a place to live thru a friend, all was good for a while but he stopped paying rent to gamble and is homeless again. He has a full time job that he still goes to. I haven't gotten child support in 3 months, I have just asked for it to be changed from private collection to them getting it for me but they said it could take a few months and Husband is now wanting to quit his job to stop me from getting money.
He still wants to come to the house all the time to see the kids, which seems fine as I do want them to be together, they adore him even though he is horrible to me (he has mental health issues which cause paranoia, name calling etc) that he won't get help for but when he is here he snoops and also eats our food etc which is annoying when he isn't helping contribute to anything.

I've been paying the mortgage, rates etc by myself since January and the kids live here with me full time.
What are my options?
Selling my house and purchasing another isn't an option because home prices have more than doubled in my area (I'm in rural NSW and can't move as all my family is here) but Husband says he wants the money from the house even though he damn well knows he did not contribute to it, myself and my parents did.
There are no rentals here, people are leaving the area due to no rentals after the bushfires came thru and all the people who lost homes took the rentals, there are NO homes at all within 50km of my current house.

I just have no idea what to do, he keeps saying he will take us to court and get the kids and house, honestly I think he is delisional. as he has no home, a gambling and mental health problem, has racked up over $10K in debt to pay for gambling, I have a job, stable family support (my parents help with the kids everyday of the week after childcare etc) been paying all the household bills for almost a year alone and no debt at all other than the house, this should count for something right?

 

[Rosscoe]

keep records of everything. Document everything that has happened and is continuing to happen. Don't rise to the threats of court either. Learn to smile and nod and say ok, sure, whatever you say. It appears he will want to spend money else where than on lawyers which in family law can become ridiculously expensive. That is not to say don't use a lawyer. Rather, be wise as to how and when to use a lawyer.

To me... it seems clear that you will not get any solution to this until you have a property settlement here. This can be complex and is made as an order of court. You may need to be the one that drives this process though and initiate an application (if you cannot agree to asset split). This is sometimes done for property settlement alone or can be in conjunction with parenting matters. If any of these issues can be solved outside of court that is preferable. It sounds like your contributions have been significant and the court will consider this, however the fact remains that your husband is still an owner of the house? Or is it the mortgage that is in his name? I think you will still have to pay him out for his fair portion though as it forms something of your joint asset pool.

As a starting point - try and work out what you think a fair split of the assets is and try and get your husband to agree to it then you can get that made an order of court.

 

[sammy01]

ok so asset division is difficult. He does legally own half the house because his name is on the title. That is property law. BUT we are dealing with family law here. Now I'm guessing he has directly, or indirectly paid for some of the mortgage repayments. He does have a legitimate claim on the property.

BTW what council shire do you live in? Just asking, I'm in Batemans Bay and you're NO homes within 50km kinda resonates with what is going on in my area...

So the important bit of information.
1. Each party only has 12 months fromd time of divorce to make a claim for asset division (as a general rule)
2. Each party needs independent legal advice. SOLICITORS.... Suck it up. WHY? Well there are plenty of nice folk who 'agree' shake hands and move on. One party then goes and blows their piece of the pie and then applies to court for more pie and that hadshake agreement is worth nothing. Learn that lesson the easy way since you're dealing with someone with a gambling addiction.

If he says he is gonna take you to court I would suggest you explain that you agree that you guys should get a judge to make the decision. The fact is with you looking after 2 young kids 100% of the time and him not paying child support, you are not gonna come close to having to hand over 50% of the assets. Not even close.

My advice - go see a solicitor, take your numbers with you. Superannuation, assets, shares, debts and have a ball park figure for his stuff? car? super? shares? Ask solicitor what they think is fair and then get them to write to him and make an offer. Gambling addict? offer him $??? cash as go away money. Gamblers are funny like that...

While you're there get some agreement about the kids. So you want it in writing that in the event that he has an address and can confirm it is a two bedroom place then he can have the kids for 3-4 nights a fortnight would be reasonable given their age.
Note to self. Once he gets above 35% care you do lose some family tax benefit. Just so you know...

 

[Atticus]

I just have no idea what to do, he keeps saying he will take us to court and get the kids and house

That wont happen.
Call relationships Australia or some other accredited mediator. Book a session to discuss property. That's the first step for whoever wants to initiate court orders.... To be honest, you should consider initiating court orders yourself if you can't agree at mediation... If he is not able to control his gambling , this will only get worse with time... There may even be adjustments in his favour if he loses his job & you are overall better off than he is in terms of future needs, capacity to work etc.

PLEASE tell me he doesn't have access to a line of credit over your assets?