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NSW What to Do About Narcissistic Son Under Family Law?

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by Baffled, 20 October 2015.

  1. Baffled

    Baffled Member

    20 October 2015
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    Hello, I'm a father of a 16-year old teenage son who is fast developing into a rude, selfish, lazy, unreliable, ignorant, and dishonest young man. Counselling has diagnosed him as narcissistic, and has failed to curb his verbal abuse towards his mother and younger sister. He spends most of his time in his room with his gadgets of cyberland, and his schooling has deteriorated accordingly. Last year he was expelled from one high school for repeated incidents of abuse and misbehaviour, and this year he has focused on his muscle-building at the gym, where he cycles to at ridiculous hours of late at night or early morning, 4-5am, after which he's too stuffed to go to school, and consequently has missed many days. We can't force or persuade him to go to school.

    His attitude is bordering aggressive, and likes to poke fun at others for his own enjoyment. When he doesn't get his way, he will verbally abuse and always blames everyone else.

    Mealtimes are stressful when he's either asleep and comes out later 11pm looking for a feed when we're getting ready for bed, or if he does join us, he resorts to childish attention-seeking noises, disliking the meal, or putting someone down.

    This has affected our family to the point where we can't plan family occasions or outings without fear of him ruining it with his attitude. My wife is stressed to the max, has sought counselling of her own, and some days feels like running away. I'm trying to keep it altogether, but it's damn hard.

    I just want to know what our legal position is. In days gone by, I could've thrown him out without fear of inflicting child abuse, but we live in a different world today. The wife wants him gone, but legally he's still a minor. Under Family Law, what legal rights do we have as parents here? Do we wait till he destroys something or hurts someone before he's taken away, which he's potentially capable of doing? Do the laws of minors allow us to legally remove him at 18?
  2. sammy01

    sammy01 Well-Known Member

    27 September 2015
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    look I don't think the law has much to offer you. If he is harassing you then you could apply for an AVO and IF he breached it he could have some serious consequences... BUT I strongly argue against doing this and it should be a last resort.

    So what can you do? Well get some strategies to deal with his behaviour. So if I can be an amateur psychologist.... U'm who is paying the gym membership? YOU??? Then stop paying... OR make the gym membership contingent on school attendance and behaviour. IF he is being a problem around meal times inform him he isn't welcome. So basically you guys have to establish the rules in your house. Is it ok for him to be out till 11pm?

    Starting this process is up to you. BUT I think a good way to approach teens is to write down your concerns and invite him to either write a response or agree to discuss the letter with you... The short version is trying to avoid conflict by creating an environment where kids have a chance to make a considered response rather than just lashing out.... Letting him know this to help him understand it is about being fair and reasonable. (After all that is all you want right??) Read up on Positive Behaviour for Success. Here is one link to get your started
    Positive Behavioural Support (PBS) | Raising Children Network

    BUT here is the reality.... Narcissists are impossible. I married one and basically their capacity to manipulate and obfuscate mean that it is near on impossible to created healthy functioning relationships. I have 3 kids with a woman who has been diagnosed as Borderline Personality Disorder. Despite making all sorts of attempts to make things work, I eventually gave up and life is better with minimal contact. How to do minimal contact when dealing with a minor. Don't know? But you definitely can explain to him that as he does not own the house/ pay bills etc then the house is yours and you make the rules AND ultimately IF he is threatening and intimidating you then yes you could approach the police and they could make an application for an AVO and you could stipulate that one of the conditions of the AVO is that he does not approach you OR the house. BUT GEE I hope it don't come to that.

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