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NSW Separation - What to Do about Ex Keeping Children from Me?

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by DadonaMission, 30 August 2015.

  1. DadonaMission

    DadonaMission Well-Known Member

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    Since our separation, the ex wife has been very secretive (controlling and possessive) about where the children are and what they are doing. She is punishing me and we both have lawyers.

    I used to take my children and attend their extra-curricular activities. She's changed the days and times so I can't attend. Yes not in the children's best interests.

    She is moving houses with the children (they told me) and won't tell me where to. She is deciding to change my children's schools without consulting me.

    Should I get my lawyer to send her a letter asking about all three items above?
     
  2. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

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    If memory serves, you have an AVO at the moment, correct?

    If not, you should contact her directly first, politely requesting the information, and if she refuses, then get your solicitor to contact hers.

    If you do have an AVO, then it's safer to get your lawyer to contact hers in the first instance, and seek clarification about these issues on your behalf. You should at all times show that you are determined to stay in your children's lives and be involved in major long-term decisions, so ensure you record all documentation with dates and times, and write down any disclosures made by the children.
     
    DadonaMission likes this.
  3. DadonaMission

    DadonaMission Well-Known Member

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    Omg avo. Biggest load of garbage. Thanks for your answer
     
  4. DadonaMission

    DadonaMission Well-Known Member

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  5. DadonaMission

    DadonaMission Well-Known Member

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    hello,

    My ex has initiated a case in the federal circuit court stating there has been abuse and family violence. Her case is weak no evidence and riddled with lies. There is currently an interim ADVO also very weak and insignificant nonetheless I can only see the children weekly under supervision from my parents.

    Yesterday we had a children inclusive conference with family consultant as we're coming up to interim hearing. Now she's told the consultant she's seeking "sole legal responsibility". Yet the orders she's seeking from the court are shared responsibility. Consultant found we both have good relationships with children.

    She is very controlling and angry, which is funny because it's what she's claiming me to be. This girl was psychologically abused as a child. I have some email evidence about that.

    I want shared responsibility with significant time with the children. She's claiming there are undiagnosed mental issues with me and that I've been erratic after separation; I've simply tried to see my children at school on 2 occasions.

    What are her chances of sole responsibility? I have always been heavily involved with children but now she won't cooperate. She seems to want to own the children.

    What approach should I take coming up to the interim hearing regarding her mental health? She has long medical history of anxiety and depression. Should I subpoena her medical records or still just sit back and relax and leave it to the courts while focussing on the children?
     
  6. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

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    I think you're already fairly well informed of what the law states, so this is more about moral advice, than legal guidance, I think.

    So, first question, what is the likelihood of her gaining sole parental responsibility?

    "Consultant found we both have good relationships with children."


    While ever this is the case, the chances are almost exactly zero, and the best thing you can do to keep it at zero is to continue attempting to be in the kids' lives and continue attempting to co-parent with the mother.

    If they go to school, contact the school directly and request a copy of report cards; if they attend any sporting events, contact the coach for fixture times; if there are family celebrations coming up, contact her (or if this isn't permitted under the AVO, her solicitor) to request the kids' attendance. If the answer is no, say 'Okay, no worries, thanks for letting me know'. Always be polite, respectful and assertive - the exact opposite of what the mother is describing you as in her affidavit.

    Second question, what can you do coming up to the interim hearing?

    Don't waste energy focusing on the mother and all of her flaws. Focus on the kids and what's best for them.

    Producing medical records about anxiety and depression (both of which are very common illnesses suffered by many, many quite capable parents) is going to show you're critical of the mother, rather than supportive of the children's relationship with her. Remember, you don't have to like the mother and you don't have to agree with her, but you do have to respect that your children love her, just the same as they love you, and you must respect anyone that the children care about so as not to hurt them.

    Fundamentally, always remember the court wants you to work together. If you're trying and the mother isn't, so be it, but don't make it easier for the court to decide you can't co-parent.
     

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