QLD Separation - Ex Changing His Mind About Previously Agreed Issue?

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LouiseThomas

Well-Known Member
21 March 2018
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Is it common for the ex to completely change their mind regarding what they wanted/believed for their children due to separation?

I feel ex disagrees with me completely out of spite. My ex knows my feelings regarding my son participating in any rough sport but I find out last night that son will be attending a short term program where he will learn football skills and rules. I have asked him to consider my feelings, but he tells me that I am trying to control him and that my son won't grow up and 'be a man' if he doesn't participate in typical manly activities.

It is worth noting that the ex completely agreed with me when we were together as his own brother underwent many reconstructive surgeries due to years playing footy.

I don't have health insurance and fear my son being hurt badly. What can I do? Are there any legal avenues I could take to have ex reconsider this? Open to all opinions on this.
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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Dad’s time with kiddo is dad’s time with kiddo. If he wants to enrol him in snake wrangling lessons, that’s his prerogative.

Try and remember that you aren’t married anymore. I made lots of promises to my exes, too, like ‘I will love you forever’ and ‘We will get married’.

Yet here we are.
 

LouiseThomas

Well-Known Member
21 March 2018
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1
289
AllForHer - haha yes I do get that. It just feels though that he goes out of his way to oppose everything I've wished for or requested.

Lets say my son does get injured and I have it on record that I've asked ex not to allow him to participate in these types of activities.....can I do anything then? I just feel it would be unfair for me to deal with injuries regarding an activity that I have opposed. Our orders state that he is meant to consult me with what occurs on his time, although I've been previously told they mean nothing. What then?
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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Lordy, can you imagine how overburdened our foster care system would be if we took every kid off his parents for injuring himself playing sport?

Look, be realistic.

He’s playing kids football, not competitive NRL against a team of burly men. Relax and stop looking for problems that may never come to fruition.

I promise you, if you let go of the reins a bit, dad’s going to be less inclined to buck against them.
 
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LouiseThomas

Well-Known Member
21 March 2018
93
1
289
Yep you’re right, thank you. Just have to accept that he isn’t going to adhere to all previous agreements
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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some words of wisdom from a bloke who learnt the hard way.... Not legal advice - just personal experience...
AMBIVALENCE - Ambivalence is a beautiful thing. But, it requires effort.

When I stopped caring I started winning... example. I asked ex to return the kids from their holiday visits with the clothes that I supply kept in two separate piles. Dirty clothes in a plastic bag - clean clothes in the suitcases provided. Not an entirely unreasonable request and I explained that washing clean clothes that had been soiled because they were mixed in with dirty underwear, wet swimmers etc. Again, perfectly reasonable... But my ex doesn't work that way. My ex saw this as an opportunity to mess me around. Let you be assured that emptying the suitcases to find a pair of the ex's dirty undies was not a sight that was met with anything but frustration.

Now I could try and convince myself that it was an oopsy daisy moment - after all they had been camping.... But I don't think so. I think it was a little message from the ex - basically get stuffed...

Now instead of letting this crazy crap get to me, I just accept that when the kids come home I will have some extra washing to do... OH WELL. But the lesson here is that when you think the ex is doing stuff just to up-set you AND you let it upset you then you lose.... .
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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Why doesn't your ex keep her own supply of clothes for the kids? Strange style of parenting on her behalf, we would provide everyting SD needs even if she was only here for holidays.
 

SamanthaJay

Well-Known Member
4 July 2016
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Your ex doesn't see the kids that often does she Sammy? They'd probably grow out of clothes she kept for them between visits. It could work out harsh on the children :( I would be inclined to just suck it up as Sammy has learnt. Few extra loads of washing to do.