So if I was to record the mediation just so that my partner could listen to it and no other reason, that would be okay? Granted I don't use the information in court
NSW Questions on Mediation and Procedural Orders
- Thread starter Brandon Taylor
- Start date
My ex recalls my calls with our kids and her calls with the kids when they're with me.
It is actually lawful for her to do this because she's in Queensland, and potentially admissible. Sad for her that I'm not stupid enough to say anything inappropriate during conversations with my kids.
I'm not sure what the law is in NSW. Qld I do know that it is lawful to secretly record a conversation that you are involved in, but not a conversation that you are not involved in. You would need to comply with the law in the State that you are in when you make the recording (ie NSW).
My point is that -
She can and probably will record mediation. My concern about this is that she will replay this to my 5 year old daughter. As she has played recordings for her before yet I have no proof of this except for my daughter saying "Daddy, Mummy showed me that video recording of you being mean". I have no idea what this recording is nor what it is about.
So what can I do if she does the above??
She can and probably will record mediation. My concern about this is that she will replay this to my 5 year old daughter. As she has played recordings for her before yet I have no proof of this except for my daughter saying "Daddy, Mummy showed me that video recording of you being mean". I have no idea what this recording is nor what it is about.
So what can I do if she does the above??
No legal advice from me today... Just some advice and one or two casual observations. Just to help you understand where my perspective comes from - I'm a male, my 3 kids live with me 80% of the time
Pick your battles.... The fewer battles you have the fewer you will lose...
So what if mum records? well then she does... What if she shows the kid? then she does and she is a s**t parent for doing so... Are you going to record stuff to show the child just to 'prove' something to a child? Be a parent, be a good parent, by the sounds of things there is already one s**t parent here and that means you're gonna have to work all the harder at being a good parent. You don't want to be recorded? U'm so because she is recording, means you want to also... Don't mean to sound like my mum - but if she jumped off the harbor bridge would you? You think it is wrong for her to record you? then it is wrong for you to record her...
So if she refuses to travel for mediation, magistrate will likely be upset, they are used to having their instructions followed... You can make it a point of debate, you could even be dumb and refuse to participate in phone mediation, but that will only slow the process along...
When you get to mediation ask the question... Are you recording this? if you are please stop...State that you don't give consent to be recorded... But if she keeps recording then she keeps recording - NOTHING you can do about it... PICK YOUR BATTLES. So maybe it isn't even worth mentioning...
(so just a little bit of advice about mediation) You want it to succeed... So my concern... You ask if she is recording the meeting... She says NO. She No doubt will then spend 30 minutes lecturing you about how dare you accuse her... BLAH BLAH... She will possibly be recording it and will have a good old chuckle to herself on the way home in the car as she listens to it... BUT 30 minutes of mediation will be wasted. Instead of talking about your kid and when you're gonna see the kid, you'll have spent all the time arguing about s**t that is getting you NO CLOSER TO SEEING YOUR KID.
Mate just recently I deleted the lot... 5 years of text messages, emails, correspondence from solicitor's, child support payments (and some audio files of her yelling at me). Everything except the court orders...WHY? well I thought I'd show it all to the kids one day, when they are older to 'prove' something... Yup I thought I could prove that there mum is the problem and I'm a good guy... But it is all gone, I deliberately deleted it all... I'll leave you to work out why...
So IF mum records things / says things etc to make your kid think you're the devil there is stuff all you can do about it... It is very sad but it is the truth... But the person mum is hurting most when she does that is HERSELF... YEP HERSELF... See eventually daughter will grow a bit, and see for herself and she will lose respect for her mum because of it all... Mate, my older two kids remember the arguments when we still lived together, they remember the screaming, they remember me leaving and they remember not seeing me for a while, they also remember the change overs where mum was yelling at me and I was not yelling back, they remember mum telling them s**t about me.... My oldest daughter is now 11... Mum told her recently that daughter will be 12 soon and as soon as she turns 12 she can go and live with mum... FFS The child told me that she doesn't want to deal with mum and she doesn't want to feel pressured to go live with her.... WHY? well my kids have worked it out... Do the right thing and your kid will work it out too...
Final piece of non-legal advice.. Let's pretend ex is recording... GOOD. So when you are doing mediation, you can pretend that you're daughter is listening. GREAT. Mate, I have been in your world, I didn't see the kids for months, I was accused of DV etc etc... So I know... My advice, what you do when your kid is not watching, is as important as what you do when they are... You can't tell your kid to pick up their own stuff BUT when you are on your own, you throw s**t out the window of your car... Be a good parent even when your kid is not with you... So lets say she does record the mediation... she wont show your daughter if the recording has daddy saying things like "I really love XXXX I want to be a good dad and I want to work with mum to get an agreement about when daughter can spend time with dad" Let the ex listen to that over and over... Let her be a s**t parent.... Doesn't mean you're gonna do the same
rant over
Pick your battles.... The fewer battles you have the fewer you will lose...
So what if mum records? well then she does... What if she shows the kid? then she does and she is a s**t parent for doing so... Are you going to record stuff to show the child just to 'prove' something to a child? Be a parent, be a good parent, by the sounds of things there is already one s**t parent here and that means you're gonna have to work all the harder at being a good parent. You don't want to be recorded? U'm so because she is recording, means you want to also... Don't mean to sound like my mum - but if she jumped off the harbor bridge would you? You think it is wrong for her to record you? then it is wrong for you to record her...
So if she refuses to travel for mediation, magistrate will likely be upset, they are used to having their instructions followed... You can make it a point of debate, you could even be dumb and refuse to participate in phone mediation, but that will only slow the process along...
When you get to mediation ask the question... Are you recording this? if you are please stop...State that you don't give consent to be recorded... But if she keeps recording then she keeps recording - NOTHING you can do about it... PICK YOUR BATTLES. So maybe it isn't even worth mentioning...
(so just a little bit of advice about mediation) You want it to succeed... So my concern... You ask if she is recording the meeting... She says NO. She No doubt will then spend 30 minutes lecturing you about how dare you accuse her... BLAH BLAH... She will possibly be recording it and will have a good old chuckle to herself on the way home in the car as she listens to it... BUT 30 minutes of mediation will be wasted. Instead of talking about your kid and when you're gonna see the kid, you'll have spent all the time arguing about s**t that is getting you NO CLOSER TO SEEING YOUR KID.
Mate just recently I deleted the lot... 5 years of text messages, emails, correspondence from solicitor's, child support payments (and some audio files of her yelling at me). Everything except the court orders...WHY? well I thought I'd show it all to the kids one day, when they are older to 'prove' something... Yup I thought I could prove that there mum is the problem and I'm a good guy... But it is all gone, I deliberately deleted it all... I'll leave you to work out why...
So IF mum records things / says things etc to make your kid think you're the devil there is stuff all you can do about it... It is very sad but it is the truth... But the person mum is hurting most when she does that is HERSELF... YEP HERSELF... See eventually daughter will grow a bit, and see for herself and she will lose respect for her mum because of it all... Mate, my older two kids remember the arguments when we still lived together, they remember the screaming, they remember me leaving and they remember not seeing me for a while, they also remember the change overs where mum was yelling at me and I was not yelling back, they remember mum telling them s**t about me.... My oldest daughter is now 11... Mum told her recently that daughter will be 12 soon and as soon as she turns 12 she can go and live with mum... FFS The child told me that she doesn't want to deal with mum and she doesn't want to feel pressured to go live with her.... WHY? well my kids have worked it out... Do the right thing and your kid will work it out too...
Final piece of non-legal advice.. Let's pretend ex is recording... GOOD. So when you are doing mediation, you can pretend that you're daughter is listening. GREAT. Mate, I have been in your world, I didn't see the kids for months, I was accused of DV etc etc... So I know... My advice, what you do when your kid is not watching, is as important as what you do when they are... You can't tell your kid to pick up their own stuff BUT when you are on your own, you throw s**t out the window of your car... Be a good parent even when your kid is not with you... So lets say she does record the mediation... she wont show your daughter if the recording has daddy saying things like "I really love XXXX I want to be a good dad and I want to work with mum to get an agreement about when daughter can spend time with dad" Let the ex listen to that over and over... Let her be a s**t parent.... Doesn't mean you're gonna do the same
rant over
OP, revenge is a cycle, so what are you going to do about it?
You can play the same game she does and let the chain reaction continue indefinitely - she does A, so you do A, too, so she does B in retaliation, but you can't let her think she's the only one who can do that, so you do B, too, then she does C just to show you who is in control, so you do C as well to take that power away from her.
On and on and on it goes, but nobody ever feels satisfied enough with their actions to reach an end point.
Or, you can break the cycle by making your own decisions instead of letting her actions dictate your actions. She does A, you ignore it and instead do whatever B, C, D or E is in the best interests of the kids.
The impact of her actions on you are only as long-lasting as you allow them to be. Learn to shake it off and get on with parenting your kids. If she's going to focus all of her parenting energy on you, then its you who needs to focus all of your parenting energy on the children. Even if only one of their parents is working to keep the conflict to a minimum, that's better for them than if they have two parents stuck in a cycle of tit-for-tat revenge against each other.
Be the better parent, mate. Kids don't stay kids forever, so make sure they grow up remembering a dad who always put them first. It's not your responsibility to make sure their mum is doing the same.
You can play the same game she does and let the chain reaction continue indefinitely - she does A, so you do A, too, so she does B in retaliation, but you can't let her think she's the only one who can do that, so you do B, too, then she does C just to show you who is in control, so you do C as well to take that power away from her.
On and on and on it goes, but nobody ever feels satisfied enough with their actions to reach an end point.
Or, you can break the cycle by making your own decisions instead of letting her actions dictate your actions. She does A, you ignore it and instead do whatever B, C, D or E is in the best interests of the kids.
The impact of her actions on you are only as long-lasting as you allow them to be. Learn to shake it off and get on with parenting your kids. If she's going to focus all of her parenting energy on you, then its you who needs to focus all of your parenting energy on the children. Even if only one of their parents is working to keep the conflict to a minimum, that's better for them than if they have two parents stuck in a cycle of tit-for-tat revenge against each other.
Be the better parent, mate. Kids don't stay kids forever, so make sure they grow up remembering a dad who always put them first. It's not your responsibility to make sure their mum is doing the same.
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