QLD Partners ex has an issue with our relationship and limiting contact with children

[BS83GR81]

Good evening all,

I am curious to know if there are any legal reasons for an ex partner to limit or reduce contact for children with their father due to him becoming involved in a new relationship?

I have done some research and the only thing I can find is yes, if there are valid reasons such as abuse or anything along those lines.

I am currently partnered to an amazing man. We have been together for 5 months. We currently live together with my daughter and have done so for the past 3 months. He has two children who spend time with us every second weekend and every Tuesday night over night. He also takes his children to their after school commitments on Fridays. He is by every means a very hands on and involved dad. My understanding is that he has always been flexible with arrangements and taking his children for extra nights and often picks the children up from school and takes them home later in the evening when he can.

Recently he started working different hours and this meant he couldn't get his children to before school care due to BSC not being open at that time. His children have developed a strong bond with myself and daughter and they absolutely love being with us (very excited and happy when they are here). I offered to take the children to before school care prior to dropping my own daughter at school. He asked the school if this would be fine and informed his ex that I would likely help out occasionally with dropping the children to BSC when he wasn't able to (it's not every time he can't take them). I proceeded to do this on one occasion. He had their uniforms ready and lunches packed etc. All I had to do was get them breakfast, dressed and hair brushed etc. and get them there, which I did (I am a mum also I can do this LOL).

His ex has now instructed that he will not be having his children overnight if he personally cannot take the children to either school or BSC. I believe this to be ridiculous. The children have a set routine, coming and staying and going to BSC the next morning. They were fine and excited that I would be dropping them off. She regularly has either her sister or mother to drop the children off when in her care.

My partner is really upset over this and has reluctantly agreed to change the night for this week with the children so that he can personally drop them off - just so he can see his children. This would mean no set nights during the week as his hours can change and he often doesn't know his hours until the Sunday before hand. Which means inconsistency for the children.

Does she legally have a right to dictate who drops the children to school when they are in his care? Or who spends time, possibly look after when the children are in his care?

I have been through issues with exes myself etc but I always maintain that as long as whoever my ex is partnered with treats my children well then I have no issues who is around them or if they look after the children (if he is at work or something like that). The more people that love my children the better!

Any advice? Just trying to get a sense of what she can do from a legal perspective.

Thanks in advance!

 

[Lance]

Hi,
It sounds like this is a bitter ex using the only leverage they can to punish their former partner. You are right, the only grounds she has to do what she is doing if you are found to be unsafe around the children. Its spite and nothing more. Your partner should contact a lawyer about applying for parenting orders.

 

[sammy01]

No - mum is just being a pain. So you're gonna have to deal with...

I would suggest that he insist that the current set of arrangements continue and that he endeavour to drop of the kids... Maybe he can invite the ex to meet you? Been there done that - most akward 45 min of my life...

He can call relationships Australia and organise mediation. It will be free or almost free. They will explain to her that what dad does with the kids on his time is his business.

Look you're gonna have to go gently gently or wind up with her refusing any access. Then you'll have to deal with courts etc etc..

 

[Rod]

Does she legally have a right to dictate who drops the children to school when they are in his care? Or who spends time, possibly look after when the children are in his care?

No. Unless kids are at risk as you've found out.

Recommend your partner gets a parenting plan approved by the court. Suspect this is going to get messy real soon. You might need to back off temporarily till a plan is in place. The mother does not want to see herself replaced as a 'mother' by you and is likely to fight tooth and nail to protect her role from another woman, no matter how good a 'mother' you are. In fact the better you are, the more threatened the mother is likely to feel.

2 alternatives:

1. dig in, tell her to go jump and prepare for the reaction, which is likely to be unpleasant.
2. Try to negotiate and talk reason with her. Show her you are not trying to replace her.

You know the parties concerned, you have to work out which is likely to be the best course to take.

 

[BS83GR81]

Thanks everyone for your responses.

I have suggested all these things to my partner. Got legal aid forms and found the nearest dispute resolution centre.

I have suggested to him to offer for her to meet me if she wanted to.

I do however feel the best position for me to be in is to support my partner and back him up from the sidelines and let them work it out. She seems to have not gotten over him?

I didn't know about relationships australia offering free to low cost mediation so thank you for this.

I understand she would be put out as a mother and concerned about me stepping into that step parenting role and taking away her role as a mother. I've been there. Completely get it. I'm already a step parent to my exes daughter and have a fabulous relationship with her mum (long story) and my children have women (there have been a few over the years) on their fathers side stepping into that role. My take is that if they treat my children well then I'm ok with it and welcome them into my childrens world.

 

[AllForHer]

Your attitude to the other step-parents in your life deserves applause, but not all parents are, or can ever be, as amicable, regardless of how senseless the hostility may be.

My husband's ex was very hostile, as in two restraining orders hostile. I found that trying to be actively friendly toward her just fuelled her fire, and after about six months of scrounging around for some arrangement that would appease her, I found pretending that I don't exist the most peaceable option, at least as far as she was concerned - I avoided changeovers like the plague, blocked her on social media, stopped agreeing to talk to her on the phone, refused to give her my phone number, and changeovers were moved to a public place so she didn't come to our house. Even though I'm obviously very involved in my stepdaughter's life (we have her 50/50), I'm basically a shadow in her mum's life, and things are a lot better since I started ignoring her.

Your partner's ex won't be interested in talking to you. She's more likely to see that as an infringement on what she would perceive as their "private parenting" relationship. You're better off just letting your partner do the direct dealings with her. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

 

[SamanthaJay]

I agree with AllForHer and did similar except in my situation now, the children's mother has come to realise it's actually very useful and handy to have another adult who cares for the children and treats them kindly, is available to do pick ups, drop offs and other things for her children. So she takes full advantage of it now!