Other Parent Refusing to Allow Child to Attend Family Party

[Cupcake]

Hi,

The other parent has the child this weekend. He was asked several weeks ago if he could/would change a night so she could attend a family party, or alternatively drop her off and pick her up if he didn't want to miss a night (he's a very difficult co-parent).

Today he has informed me she can attend for 2 hours only. Her entire extended family will be there including relatives from interstate.

Is there anything I can do? This breaks my heart as it has nothing to do with the child, and everything to do with him being a jerk.

 

[AllForHer]

Unfortunately, there really isn't a lot you can do without his agreement if the party falls at a time the child would ordinarily be spending with the other parent.

I understand your frustration - my partner has the same issues with his ex.

But at the end of the day, if he can't act in the child's best interests, you have to. If he's likely to cause a scene if you were to keep the child until the end of the party, it's better to avoid the child being exposed to that by simply agreeing to the two-hour period. It's not ideal, but your calm and your protection from rogue situations will be more important to your child than your child seeing a family get-together out to the end.

Don't let the other parent get to you. If he doesn't want to put the child first, nothing you say will change it, so it's up to you to rise above the petty squabbling and do the best you can for your child's sake. In most circumstances, one parent's change in behaviour will eventually prompt the other parent's change in behaviour.

 

[Cupcake]

Unfortunately my behaviour has remained and will always remain in the best interests of my child. I have never behaved like this and nothing has prompted him to behave any better and if anything it's getting worse. His time is increasing and he's refused phone calls from me when the child is in his care (court order says we can call), refused to provide current addresses, refused her to go away more than 1 day interstate with me to attend a funeral (yes a funeral), refuses to respond to parenting emails and now this.

I'm seriously considering a contravention application or applying to the court to have our parenting orders changed due to this behaviour. I'm seriously concerned that as the time grows, parental alienation will be a major factor.

The court rules in the bests interests of the child, therefore parents should too. It is so disappointing. Now I (yes I, not him) have to explain why the child isn't allowed to stay at the party any longer than 2 hours, be taken away mid party. Devastating.

 

[AllForHer]

If you intend to explain it as "Because your dad said you're not allowed", you may want to rethink your position. That's an alienation tactic no different to what you're afraid is happening in the other house.

Instead, aim for "Because we have other things that need to get done. You had a good time though, didn't you?"

If the father isn't a good person, that has nothing to do with you. If your child also learns that the father isn't a good person, they will do it of their own accord. Making your thoughts about the father known to your child only makes you look bad.

If your orders are final, you would be wasting court time and money trying to get them changed on these grounds. Same with a contravention. The only contravention the court takes seriously is a failure to facilitate the child's time with the other parent.

I know this is not what you want to hear, but it's important in parenting matters to maintain perspective.

 

[Cupcake]

Don't stress. I'm the good parent as I know the long term consequences.

Thanks