NSW Mother Refusing Access - What Next?

[ChrisC]

Do you think she will go to mediation.??

If I was you I would get the solicitor to send her a letter.... You never know she might start to play nice.

Above post states that lawyers can be intimidating....and that scares most people. "I agree with that statement "

Looks as though she's using the kids a lot as leverage. ... That won't stand up in court.
She'll be in for a shock.

I think you should be applying for 50/50.

Most custody agreements are for both parents to see their children equally.
It's hard when one doesn't cooperate.
Kids take it hard when they see that both parents cant communicate or even agree.

I wish you the best and I hope all goes well.

Regards

Re applying for 50/50, I think that is what we should do too but my partner is worries that will be an even bigger battle than getting our current arrangement formalized. When our lawyer is back in Sydney we are going to meet with him and discuss this.


Yes she is most definitely using the kids as leverage, we know that if we give into her demand to tell child support that she has full care the she will let him see the kids. Its really all about her child support income and centrelink payments and the fact that they have dropped by about $50 a week due to CSA being told that my partner has every other weekend.

But if we give in it will only be a matter of weeks at the most until she withholds the kids again for any number of reasons. A few weeks ago she refused access as she sent my partner long winded message which said in part "I am Mama and I have sole guardianship and responsibility for the emotional, spiritual and mental growth of the children and you must seek my permission regarding every aspect of the children's care. Respond with "Yes" to confirm you agree" He ignored the message as it was all rubbish talk and when he went to collect the kids from school as normal they had been kept home that day and when he text asking her to meet to hand over the kids she told him that as he hadn't agreed to her conditions he wasn't getting the kids that weekend. It is really all a game to her.

So we really have to hold firm and push for consent orders or worst case go to court. No i don't believe she will go to mediation. I believe she will string it along like last time in the hope my partner will back down like he normally does.

Last night we emailed our solicitor and asked him to draft a letter stating what orders my partner is looking to seek and adding in that partner has contacted mediation but should it be unsuccessful for any reason then he will still be seeking orders to be made.

 

[AllForHer]

Re applying for 50/50, I think that is what we should do too but my partner is worries that will be an even bigger battle than getting our current arrangement formalized. When our lawyer is back in Sydney we are going to meet with him and discuss this.

Mm, maybe not as big a battle as he thinks. In fact, if you file an application for 50/50, it might make it easier to get the current arrangement formalised because it's going to be the compromise off what you'd be seeking. The higher the list price on your house, the higher the offers that will be made. The same can be said of an application for parenting orders and settling it by consent.

 

[sammy01]

keep going to pick kids up from school. You may be able to make some issues at school if they're missing school just so they can't be picked up by you guys.
learn to save text messages.
Apply to court asap. Legal aid will not help her and if they do GOOD because they will not be interested in playing along with some twit who thinks they are the only parent with responsibility for the kids.... Don't get involved in stupid arguments with stupid people. You'll win the argument with a magistrate, not with her.

 

[ChrisC]

keep going to pick kids up from school. You may be able to make some issues at school if they're missing school just so they can't be picked up by you guys.
learn to save text messages.
Apply to court asap. Legal aid will not help her and if they do GOOD because they will not be interested in playing along with some twit who thinks they are the only parent with responsibility for the kids.... Don't get involved in stupid arguments with stupid people. You'll win the argument with a magistrate, not with her.

Thank you. My partner is just not engaging with her crazy messages and demands . He ignores every message unless its directly related to the kids and requires a response. Most of the messages don't require any response at all. Ignoring her make her ramp it up and she will send message after message abusing my partner calling him every name under the sun but he just doesn't reply at all. I believe she wants him to "bite" and say something back in a message so she can accuse him of "abuse". He never has and he won't start now.

Can the messages of rubbish and threats and her abusing him have any relevance in court/mediation? I understand that the best interests of the children is what a magistrate/mediator will be focusing on. But is it worth giving copies of her threats and abuse to our solicitor?

I am encouraging my partner to really think about picking up the kids next weekend when it is his weekend. He is a very calm and placid person who wouldn't engage in a scene should she create one.

 

[AllForHer]

Ignoring anything that isn't directly child-related is a good tactic. Anything that does require a response should be taken to with a business-like approach. Imagine she's a client or a supplier in a business: if you wouldn't say it to a client or supplier, don't say it to her.

Keep the text messages, but take direction from your lawyer about using them.

 

[ROWE]

Hows this going for you? I went through similar dramas with my ex, the police were called to the school...The kids came home with me. The principal slapped a ban on both parents being on school ground for a few months. They were living with her but now I have sole parental responsibility and they live with me. Its been a battle that started in the family court in 2009 and could flare up again any time.
Stay child focused, do what you can to avoid reacting to provocation in a way that can bite you later, and don't make concessions that you cant live with long term. The Family Court system can work well if you do the right thing and dont get caught up in irrelevant distractions.