LawAnswers.com.au - Australia's #1 Legal Community

LawAnswers.com.au is a community of 10,000+ Australians, just like you, helping each other.
Ask a question, respond to a question and better understand the law today!
Join us, it only takes a minute:

Issues With My Partner's Ex - What are Our Rights?

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by dkld, 8 September 2014.

  1. dkld

    dkld Member

    Joined:
    8 September 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    My partner is separated and his wife has forced him to sign a document from her lawyer stating that their child can't see me until she says so (so never). He signed only because she was not letting him see her (even on father's day).

    His daughter is 6 and loves me. I've been with my partner for a year and a half, however 3-4 times he had gone back to his wife to try to make it work with her for his daughter's sake. After all - it is a requirement when getting divorce that you try to make it work. I know she will use it as something in court, saying he is unstable. She will say that their daughter's mental health is at stake because of all this when in fact it is only from her mother that she receives stress about this topic.

    His 6 year old daughter now knows she is not allowed to see me, talk to me, or even talk ABOUT me, even if she wants to. He was always honest with me but he could never be with her again. On Friday when he went to get her and was forced to sign - his daughter came out all ready with all her belongings and her mum said 'don't worry your dad's not taking you' then went back inside till my partner said he'll sign.

    Seeing the hurt look on his daughter's face, broke his heart. She has since messaged him to put him down telling him to go have fun with his child (referring to me; as there is an age gap) and that he has nothing and that his daughter does not care if she sees him or not. If we go to court what will happen? Will she win? What she wants is for me not to see her daughter.

    She does not want full custody - She can't handle their daughter for too long - She is always palming her off to her sister or family members. I guarantee she does not care about the child in this matter - it is solely her inability to let go of my partner and accept that she has no power over him. Their child is in NO danger when with me - I'm 21 - don't drink, smoke, do drugs. I don't go out clubbing. I have a full time well paying job and am studying at university.

    I love my partner more than anything on this earth and I know these issues with his wife will come between us as they have. He is not strong enough to handle her childish drama and his stress often comes out on me. His past experiences with his wife have made him almost afraid of getting married and having children again. She has always been difficult and he sometimes breaks down from the emotional abuse she has caused over the years. From not caring for their child from birth (post natal depression) whereby she would not even hold her baby, to criticising my partner on everything demanding that he do things around the house while she lays around.

    We are seeking legal advice within the coming days. I am not trying to put her down. From day one I have tried my best to maintain a level of respect for this women as she mothers my partners daughter. But she's made it so hard. I don't care what she has to say to me or about me but I cannot handle somebody disrespecting or upsetting my partner. Help!
     
  2. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    23 July 2014
    Messages:
    2,319
    Likes Received:
    423
    Well, I guess the first thing is that she has no say over what happens with the kids when they are with their dad, including who the kids spend time with (aka you). If he signed documents to that effect and she filed a contravention, it would probably get thrown out because the court generally won't make orders that enable one parent to make day to day decisions about the child when the child is in the other parent's care. The stuff about him being "unstable" will be a non-issue if he has a strong relationship with the kids.

    My advice though is to avoid court. It might look good on paper and you may feel like it's your only option but at the end of the day, court ruptures parenting relationships, and that rupture will stick forever. I would attend mediation with a solicitor in tow, negotiate time spent with, and have it agreed that both parents need to attend a parenting orders program to get their co-parenting relationship focused on the child.

    As a step-mum to a step-mum, I would also suggest keeping your involvement on the down low, simply to minimise conflict and stop the emotions of the other parent going into overdrive. Yes, this sucks, because it sometimes feels like you're being invalidated, but your partner and your step-daughter are the only people you need to have a relationship with.
     
  3. dkld

    dkld Member

    Joined:
    8 September 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you. Everybody has mentioned that if it does go to court she will be laughed out. My partner and his daughter have a remarkable bond and if it was upto him it would be done completely civil however she just won't put it to bed. She will fight and threaten him and tell him how bad a father he is. We have no choice but to escalate it. Apparently mediation can take months - which means Christmas is going to be a wreck. And his ex wife will never settle for anything in mediation. She won't stop till she is told how ridiculous she is being from someone with power.

    I don't get involved with the ex wife at all. I don't respond to her nasty comments or anything. I let my partner communicate with her how he feels he should. He generally ignores her when she starts being mean.

    Thank you - it seems like there's a long road ahead. I hope we can get through it I guess :) x
     
  4. AllForHer

    AllForHer Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    23 July 2014
    Messages:
    2,319
    Likes Received:
    423
    Mediation doesn't usually take months, it's normally just a few weeks, but court takes years. Just some food for thought.
     

Share This Page

Loading...