Full private family report - kids involvement?

[Mummo]

Hi,
Ex and I have agreed to attend a private family report session.
Background to this:
We have consent orders in place that I reluctantly agreed to for her to go to his house 4 nights a fortnight.
My daughter is almost 12 and has been unhappy over the past year going to her dad’s place.
I’ve not spoken to him about this but there was an incident a few months ago where she came home from his house upset as they had had an argument and now I don’t see why she needs to go back if she doesn’t want to.
I took her to the Dr and the Dr agreed it’s her choice and she did seem stressed about things so she made a statement to that affect and I sent the statement to my ex saying that my daughter wouldn’t be coming anymore.
Her dad was texting me trying to arrange his time with her as per the orders but if a Dr says she shouldn’t go, she shouldn’t go.
I’m not going to force her.
So moving to today - he initiated a new application in court and wants time back with our daughter - in fact he now seeks more time because he thinks I am withholding her just because I can.
We agreed at the first hearing that we should attend a qualified Psychologist for the preparation of a family report.
My question is - there are stepchildren involved in both houses. Will mine and his need to participate in this report session?
Will mine and his partner need to participate also?
He needs to understand that if a 12 year old doesn’t want to go to his house, she should not be forced to. Right?
As her mother I have a right to be concerned about her reluctance.

 

[Atticus]

He needs to understand that if a 12 year old doesn’t want to go to his house, she should not be forced to. Right?

You need to understand the obligations that come with a parenting order.... In part
QUOTE>>>
What is a reasonable attempt to comply?
When a parenting order is made, each person affected by
the order must comply with the order. This includes taking
all reasonable steps to comply with the order. For example, a
parent has an obligation to ensure a child spends time with the
other parent <<<< END QUOTE

the above quote is part of the material that you would have received at the time orders were made >>> SOURCE Compliance with parenting orders - Federal Circuit Court of Australia

Not unusual for kids at this age to show a reluctance, still at 11 she should not be allowed to accept that she is dictating terms.. 4 nights a FN and half of school holidays is the accepted norm BTW. As for coming home from dads upset over an argument, well, what parent doesn't have arguments with their kids on occasion. Certainly not grounds for you to pursue reduced time at her behest, and may appear that you are jumping at the opportunity given your reluctance to agree to consent orders in the first place.... Just know that you are in breach of the orders if you are making a unilateral decision to not take all reasonable steps to comply

Mediation to resolve whatever issues would be the best approach.

If a family report takes place then the norm is for all caregivers be involved, certainly step parents and possibly step siblings

 

[Rod]

I’m not going to force her.

You have an obligation to comply with the consent orders regardless of what your child says in the absence of child abuse.

but if a Dr says she shouldn’t go, she shouldn’t go.

Not necessarily true. What kind of doctor?

he thinks I am withholding her just because I can.

This is a reasonable assumption to make.

there are stepchildren involved in both houses. Will mine and his need to participate in this report session?
Will mine and his partner need to participate also?

Unlikely other children will be involved. Less obvious with partners. Suspect pysch will decide after talking with parents and child.

 

[Tremaine]

I agree with the above. Nobody (including the doctor) has authority to overrule court orders, except you and your ex by mutual agreement, or the court itself. Otherwise, the existing orders remain in force until the child turns 18, not 12, and what *you* need to understand is that you have an obligation - a positive obligation, not just a passive one - to ensure compliance with the order. ‘But the doctor said’ or ‘But my daughter said’ are not generally accepted by the court as reasonable excuses for contravening orders.

I also agree that four nights a fortnight is bare minimum. Most non-resident parents end up with at least five nights, if not more, and given your willingness to contravene the orders and unilaterally reduce that time to nothing over one argument between a teen and her parent (welcome to parenting), coupled with the fact that you didn’t even see fit to talk to the father about this (ie you’ve assigned parental responsibility to the child instead of her father), the court may view that as an inability on your part to support and encourage the child’s relationship with her dad (which has in other cases resulted in a reversal of residency).

Food for thought - if your daughter said she didn’t want to go to school anymore, would you say that she knows best? Attending school is no more optional than being parented.