WA Interstate sole responsibility involving Wa QLD and NSW

[CheshireCat]

Hi
I am the mum of a 3 and a half year old daughter. She was born in Queensland in early 2014. Her father was living with me at the time but left me at some point just prior to her birth then changed his mind but ultimately left a couple of months after she was born. He left the state late september of 2014 to NSW. He did not tell me he was leaving the state but was going to Brisbane and would visit monthly .

I moved to WA in november 2016 back to family. I have 100 care for my child. Her fathers current partner has sent her christmas and birthday presents, and they visited once in nov 2016 and my daughter did not remember him.



He has not made any arrangements for any further visits and she is too young to manage a phone call by herself.

I do not wish to contact him any more personally about our daughter as his partner has interfered and sent emails to myself and my parents from his account and I ant get a guarantee its him Im addressing. She has also cut contact between him and his older children on New Zealand and I do not want the same tesult with our daughter.

I would like to get legally recognised sole responsibility for my daughter as I have been her sole carer anyway and put in place my parents and sister as emergency guardians in case something happens to me.

I have tried mediation already and going again tomorrow. My ex wants his partner consulted and involved in any plans and is not allowing any private communication between him and I about our daughter. She has sent slanderous emails about myself to my parents and do not want her or my ex to have influence on my daughter due to their behaviour.

I would like her father to have contact with his daughter when she is older and would like him to arrange this through family court, not through me as he does not keep his word .


I would also like to change my daughters last name to my maiden name. I am divorced and still have my married name so it was irrelevant to her at her birth. My maiden name appears on her birth certificate but not as her surname. I want us to have a family surname and her fathers name is not relevant anymore as he left a long time ago.

I just want peace of mind that I have full and sole responsibility and care for my daughter and will still receive child support from her father. I do not wish to exclude him from regular visits that he would schedule and stick to at his expense.

She is young and visits and contact would change as she grows and will be her choice when shes older.

Apparently her father can pick her up from kindy next year legally if he wants and I do not want that to happen. The administration registrar told me this when I enrolled her. No one can pick my daughter up from day care as it is this year except myself and my parents. I also do not want him to take her away and not return her at the agreed time in the future. Although he is interstate I would like peace of mind he would have to consult with me and not just take her.

 

[sammy01]

ok so lets start with pre-school. So dad rocks up, even with court orders that give you sole parental responsibility... It is quite likely that the pre-school would agree to let the kid go with dad... IN usual circumstances.... Scenario - I had an avo against me... It pre-school was alerted. It prevented me going near my kids. The pre-school would call the cops if I came near... AVO ends... I have court orders that say I have the kids at the weekend... I go to pre-school on a Tuesday... They would let me take the kid without question... BUT I was also an emergency contact person for the pre-school. your ex is not. My kids know me Your kids does not know dad...

Your scenario - dad rocks up says he wants to take the kid... The kid starts screaming because your child does not know this man. he is not an emergency contact person.. They are not going to let your kid leave with some random bloke.... So you're wasting your time.

So if you have some papers from the court that say sole parental responsibility... You agree for child to visit dad. Dad refuses to return child... Guess what, those little bits of paper from the court wont help all that much - they are just bits of paper... The little bits of paper are likely to get you into court to get a recovery order a little bit faster but not much... So again - wasting your time

Same with the rest of your concerns... Look, I'm trying to be helpful... BUT that doesn't mean I have to give you the answers that you want....

So let me go on the attack... You want sole parental responsibility RIGHT? But you still want child support from him... So you don't really want sole parental responsibility because that means dad has NO ZERO ZILTCH responsibility for the child? except of course to give you money? well that isn't sole parental responsibility is it? And seems pretty unreasonable... TRUE.. Seriously, sit down have a cuppa and think about it... I reckon if you do that and look at it from his perspective OR just from a neutral perspective, it is unreasonable - You make all the decision about the child, all he has to do is pay? not really fair?

So what if you die? So before we continue - I'd like to highlight that most of your concerns are in the extreme end... Sure we all die, but is there any reason to think that is going to happen tomorrow? same is there any reason to think dad is going to steal the kid? lets face it he hasn't shown much interest up till now? So to some extent your concerns are a little irrational. (Again, look, I'm not being mean... I have to tell you every time my kids go visit their other parent I lose 2-3 kg... Seriously, I do... I worry that much... Put the weight straight back on when they return.. But that is another story.... And guess what all that stupid worrying I do when they are not here IS STUPID... I know that.. The kids always get returned...But I still worry) Anyways. What if you die? well If the ex wanted to fight for custody he can.. Even if you had court papers saying you had sole parental responsibility.... BUT what the courts would do is look at what is in the best interests of the child and make a decision based on that ... Do you think the courts will hand over a kid to some bloke who has made bugger all attempts to know his child in preference to an aunty or granny who have known the kid? Guess what your answer wont matter BECAUSE you're dead right??? But give me the answer anyways.

So look you could take this to court. What are you going to achieve? Not much.. I don't think you'll get child's name changed. You definitely wont get sole parental responsibility. You could get some meagre arrangement to keep the new partner out of things, but she sounds like a right nutter and will stick her nose in anyways.. Then what are you gonna do? go back to court? and are you going to waste money on a solicitor for that?

 

[CheshireCat]

ok so lets start with pre-school. So dad rocks up, even with court orders that give you sole parental responsibility... It is quite likely that the pre-school would agree to let the kid go with dad... IN usual circumstances.... Scenario - I had an avo against me... It pre-school was alerted. It prevented me going near my kids. The pre-school would call the cops if I came near... AVO ends... I have court orders that say I have the kids at the weekend... I go to pre-school on a Tuesday... They would let me take the kid without question... BUT I was also an emergency contact person for the pre-school. your ex is not. My kids know me Your kids does not know dad...

Your scenario - dad rocks up says he wants to take the kid... The kid starts screaming because your child does not know this man. he is not an emergency contact person.. They are not going to let your kid leave with some random bloke.... So you're wasting your time.

So if you have some papers from the court that say sole parental responsibility... You agree for child to visit dad. Dad refuses to return child... Guess what, those little bits of paper from the court wont help all that much - they are just bits of paper... The little bits of paper are likely to get you into court to get a recovery order a little bit faster but not much... So again - wasting your time

Same with the rest of your concerns... Look, I'm trying to be helpful... BUT that doesn't mean I have to give you the answers that you want....

So let me go on the attack... You want sole parental responsibility RIGHT? But you still want child support from him... So you don't really want sole parental responsibility because that means dad has NO ZERO ZILTCH responsibility for the child? except of course to give you money? well that isn't sole parental responsibility is it? And seems pretty unreasonable... TRUE.. Seriously, sit down have a cuppa and think about it... I reckon if you do that and look at it from his perspective OR just from a neutral perspective, it is unreasonable - You make all the decision about the child, all he has to do is pay? not really fair?

So what if you die? So before we continue - I'd like to highlight that most of your concerns are in the extreme end... Sure we all die, but is there any reason to think that is going to happen tomorrow? same is there any reason to think dad is going to steal the kid? lets face it he hasn't shown much interest up till now? So to some extent your concerns are a little irrational. (Again, look, I'm not being mean... I have to tell you every time my kids go visit their other parent I lose 2-3 kg... Seriously, I do... I worry that much... Put the weight straight back on when they return.. But that is another story.... And guess what all that stupid worrying I do when they are not here IS STUPID... I know that.. The kids always get returned...But I still worry) Anyways. What if you die? well If the ex wanted to fight for custody he can.. Even if you had court papers saying you had sole parental responsibility.... BUT what the courts would do is look at what is in the best interests of the child and make a decision based on that ... Do you think the courts will hand over a kid to some bloke who has made bugger all attempts to know his child in preference to an aunty or granny who have known the kid? Guess what your answer wont matter BECAUSE you're dead right??? But give me the answer anyways.

So look you could take this to court. What are you going to achieve? Not much.. I don't think you'll get child's name changed. You definitely wont get sole parental responsibility. You could get some meagre arrangement to keep the new partner out of things, but she sounds like a right nutter and will stick her nose in anyways.. Then what are you gonna do? go back to court? and are you going to waste money on a solicitor for that?

I dont think him bailing on helping raise her was fair but he did it anyway.

I dont believe he has much right to every day decisions regarding her as he removed himself from her and by doing that made me totally responsible for her well being.

So by him doing that does he then wash his hands of his role as provider?

Is that what fathers are supposed to do?

How is that an example of what a man is?

Ugh no wonder there are so many dads who take off then cry about child support.

You try being a full time singke parent and see how it works out.

Stupid internet person.

 

[sammy01]

Yup... you are right... mostly... so go get a really expensive solicitor and apply to court to prove me wrong... let me know how u go...or pay attention...

Definately right about me being stupid because despite your abuse. Im still replying to help you.... oh btw... i am a single parent too. I have 3 kids... their mum pays zero child support. She sent them a post card from thailand yet claims to have an income of zero...

So this is a law forum. I am going to invite you to search google for 'presumption of shared parental responsibility' it is a legal term and search for 'rebuttal of shared parental responsibility'. It will help u understand the law.dont bother with a thank you...

You are not going to to get sole parental responsibility. Simple. Maybe if dad was a sicko paedophile... but you didnt mention that bit. So im assuming he isnt.

Name change... nope. Not likely. If dad agrees-sure easy...if he doesnt then u will need to apply to court. Chances of winning that one? Not great.... an expensive solicitor will help... id suggest you save the $$$. And dont bother...

This site can help you with self representing to get court orders about when the child sees dad... that will save you heaps of $$$.Nice folk here volunteer their time. If you would like just let me know and i will post some links later to help with self representing. Would you like that? That will be funny because you will be getting help from a stupid person...

 

[CheshireCat]

Yup... you are right... mostly... so go get a really expensive solicitor and apply to court to prove me wrong... let me know how u go...or pay attention...

Definately right about me being stupid because despite your abuse. Im still replying to help you.... oh btw... i am a single parent too. I have 3 kids... their mum pays zero child support. She sent them a post card from thailand yet claims to have an income of zero...

So this is a law forum. I am going to invite you to search google for 'presumption of shared parental responsibility' it is a legal term and search for 'rebuttal of shared parental responsibility'. It will help u understand the law.dont bother with a thank you...

You are not going to to get sole parental responsibility. Simple. Maybe if dad was a sicko paedophile... but you didnt mention that bit. So im assuming he isnt.

Name change... nope. Not likely. If dad agrees-sure easy...if he doesnt then u will need to apply to court. Chances of winning that one? Not great.... an expensive solicitor will help... id suggest you save the $$$. And dont bother...

This site can help you with self representing to get court orders about when the child sees dad... that will save you heaps of $$$.Nice folk here volunteer their time. If you would like just let me know and i will post some links later to help with self representing. Would you like that? That will be funny because you will be getting help from a stupid person...

This just in. I have attended mediation and have grounds based on our situation to apply for sole responsibility in an official capacity as I have it by default anyway and can get my daughters name changed at court so we are known by the same name as a family unit.

As far as I am concerned my childs father walked away freely from the honour of raising his child and has not been there for her. He is just a blood relation and ot worth knowing but she can decide what she wants on her own when she is old enough.

Its worth trying to give him a chance to step up but he has had all the time in the world to do so and has not

 

[sammy01]

So here is a link to a good site that explains that based on the info you've provided, it would appear unlikely that you have grounds for sole parental responsibility
Will Sole Parental Responsibility apply | Child Issues, Parenting Orders

So the mediators might have said that you could apply for SPR.... But they really should not be giving you legal advice... It is not their job...

So I just want to help you by clarifying a few bits from your post.
So you wrote
" I would like her father to have contact with his daughter when she is older and would like him to arrange this through family court, not through me as he does not keep his word"
Ok so he has to apply to court every time he wants to see the kid? Look this is not exactly how the system works. I'd strongly encourage you against court.. Sure you could self represent... But it will take its toll both emotionally and will be very time consuming... Better off spending that time with your kid.... OR you could hire a solicitor... So I'm assuming you do have a lazy $10 000 OR MORE to throw at this thing??? If so, save your $$$ spend it on your kid... But hey what do I know, I'm a stupid internet person right???

You wrote
"I don't believe he has much right to every day decisions regarding her"... So shared parental responsibility does not mean you need to discuss every day decision about the child with the dad. So problems solved... So in my case the only time I have had to discuss anything with mum is when I wanted to get the kids passports... The rest of the time all I do is email her to confirm when she will be seeing the kids next... Actually, I email photos and school reports sometimes. I also scan some of the kids school work and email it... I make sure the kids send a card on her birthday / mothers day etc... The kids see me do this and participate in the process... They appreciate it.. Not legal advice, but just a suggestion for something you could do to help the kid understand that she has a dad. I also think it is just a nice thing to do... So the kids see me doing nice things for their absent mother... The other reason is I feel sorry for her and the decisions she has made.. .see like your ex, she has given up the privilege of being an active participant in their lives.... So by sending her their school reports etc I'm showing sympathy for her for the poor choices she has made.... Again not legal advice... Just some food for thought from some stupid internet person....

Now you also expressed concern that IF you died or some emergency occurred - what would happen.... Well the kid would go into the immediate care of your parents OR sister...AND they could make an application to the child support agency for the father to pay child support to them... Dad would have to apply to court to become the primary carer of the child.. As he has not done much to maintain a meaningful relationship with the child, he would not have a good chance.

Now you also mentioned that dad insists all communication go through his new partner??? Ok - So I can insist you send me a box of chocolates... Doesn't mean you're gonna do it right? So you don't have to do something just because he insists... True?

So you have been to mediation GREAT - you now have the certificate you need to apply to court...My advice. you're wasting your time and if you hire a solicitor you are wasting your money... WHY Well you won't win... And worse - what if he responds to your court application... What if he applies to the court for him to have time with the child and for that time to progressively increase to half all school holidays?... And that you pay for half all travel expenses... After all you're the one who moved to the other side of the country with the child... Oh BTW did you ask dad before you left? or did you just go? So as a result of taking this to court, the kid will still have dad's last name, you will not have sole parental responsibility, and it is entirely possible that once you've paid off the legal bills, you will have ongoing travel expenses.... Even if you self represent - you'll be up for some expenses for court costs, admin costs, stuff like getting court documents served on him etc etc. But hey what would I know, I'm just some stupid internet guy right....

So let me provide you with two examples - these are court cases where one parent has been granted sole parental responsibility.... NOTE that in the cases a long history of family violence was acknowledged...
Malcher & Malcher [2016] FamCA 1063 (9 December 2016)
Riley & Allen [2016] FamCA 603 (26 July 2016)
In both of these cases SPR was granted - In both cases the magistrate noted 'family violence' as a reason to justify SPR... In the second case even though sole parental responsibility was grated- the court did not grant permission for the children's names to be changed. OUCH... Oh it gets better. In both cases, the parent with sole parental responsibility is still required to communicate with and inform the other parent... In cases where sole parental responsibility has been granted, the courts have also provided orders where the non residential parent spend time with the child... DRUM ROLL PLEASE - you apply for SPR you lose - and I reckon you will... There is a good chance that the father could apply for a cost order against you - that means you could be ordered to pay some of OR all of his legal fees...

Last thing - you wrote
"Stupid internet person"
It is wrong to come to a site like this. Ask questions, look for advice... Then one someone spends some of their precious time giving you advice you abuse them... Now please take yourself outside, give yourself a good shake - take a deep breath in, go bank inside put on the kettle, make a nice cuppa tea and read my response again and realise that I'm not as stupid as you think... And just maybe, MAYBE - you owe me an apology... And MAYBE even a word of thanks for the time I've spent in trying to save you from 2-3 years in hell - because that is how long the court process could take and even if you win... YOU WILL LOSE because the stress of family law will take a toll on your health.... But hey what would I know - I'm just a stupid internet guy... RIGHT

 

[CheshireCat]

The parents who are actually raising their children are the responsible parent and in my case that is me. Absentee fathers like my childs father chose to leave and chose to move far away regardless of not being able to see his child grow up.

He is not a responsible parent. I am doing the entire thing by myself.

If the father is upset by this action, boo hoo to him.

 

[sammy01]

"boo hoo' is not a legal principle that I'm familiar with...
I'm going to go out on a limb here.
Firstly, your post is riddled with sexist language about absentee fathers.. Guess what you're a sexist... WHAT? Yep all that you accuse father's of, can also apply to mothers. SHOCK HORROR.

Yup bad form on dad's part to move from QLD to NSW. That would have made it more difficult to see the kid.. BUT you moved even further away??? Making it even more difficult for him to see the kid. But that is ok right? because you're the mother. right? wrong. Oh and did you ask dad for his consent to move with the child? I'm guessing not...

I reckon it is entirely possible that this bloke doesn't want to talk to you. He just finds you to hard... So while he doesn't want to give up on the kid, he just cant cope with you... Hence he asks his wonderful new partner to try and mediate between the two of you... New partner seems really nice... She sent the kid presents etc... Sounds like your ex has found himself a winner this time....

Now - let me ask... When you did mediation, did the father attend? Did he participate in the process? I'm really keen on an answer, because that might change the advice I'd suggest..

So you are worried that dad might take the kid from pre-school?
You are happy for dad to have a relationship with the child, but you want rules.. GREAT - good idea.
You want it all to be legally enforceable? sounds sensible.

My suggestion - write to father. Invite him to participate in getting consent orders sorted... Basically a set of rules about when he sees the kid. So you're not going to get sole parental responsibility.. And I think I've shown you that in reality SPR isn't all that great anyways.

So the consent orders can stipulate things like when he sees the kid. It provides legal protection about your concerns abut him just taking the kid from pre-school. You can also have some rules in their about how communication happens between you and the ex. The nice folk, both male and female, smart and stupid, who attend this site just might be able to help you with this...

This site can help get you started...
Application for Consent Orders (do it yourself kit) - Family Court of Australia
This site tells us that it will only cost you $160 to get a legally enforceable document. Wow heaps cheaper than court... Again no need to say thanks...
Court Fees (Family Law) - Family Court of Australia

So I reckon you can get good advice here... so you could get something legally enforceable for about $160. I also reckon you should spend a grand or so on a solicitor to check over them... Just for peace of mind... So for about $1200 you will have something legally enforceable that protects the child rights to have a relationship with both parents... That sounds nice doesn't it...

So just outa interest what are you going to do? try and get a reasonable, fair set of rules (consent orders)... So this could include things like that by the time the kid is 5 or 6 she could be spending a week or so with dad... Might even spend alternate Christmas holidays with dad.. Down the track... Of course this would be dependant on him also playing by the rules... BUT what you need to understand is that this will take all YOUR power away.. See right now, he only sees the kid if you agree... And you change your mind, then he doesn't see the kid... But if you have consent orders then the rules are clear and fair... ( I think this is the right thing to do)

But the alternative is to continue to try to isolate and minimise the opportunities dad has to see the kid - I reckon this is what you're looking for by coming her and asking about how to get sole parental responsibility...

I hope you choose the consent order option...
I also reckon it would be awesome if you let us know which one you choose...