Family law forum = Respect.

[sammy01]

I reckon it is poor form to railroad threads by people who come here with legitimate concerns. A grandmother asking for genuine advice about the interpretation of her orders OR a woman whose ex has refused access to their kid, for example, shouldn't become a debacle about capital letters and paragraphs, nor should it become a personal attack on me or anyone else...

So RJM You wrote "It bothers me to think that someone has given up seeking advice because they feel like they've been yelled at & had their literacy skills criticized. "
I agree. Totally...
But - I can't find a thread where someone stopped posting after I used capitals, or criticised their literacy skills. HELP ME FIND IT...
I can find a thread where after I politely suggested someone use paragraphs YOU had a go at them too...
VIC - Father is not letting me see our daughter

Oh, but that is different because when you're criticising somone for their literacy skills you're ridiculing them? Because that is the start of your post on that thread. LOL. That lady never came back looking for advice on what to do to try and see her child after that... HHMM

If you've got nothing to offer other than hypocrtical attacks then don't bother. YUP hypocritical, see you criticised someone for their literacy skills, didnt you? and they didn't come back. Did they?? HHMMM...

Now understand this... People come here. Often very distressed people. If you don't have a lick of decent advice - as has been the case on the thread ZERO. NUFINK. NONE. ZIP. NOT ONE WORD TO HELP. Thanks for coming, then don't post.

IF as has been the case you can prove me wrong on any of the statements I've made here or on the other threads I'll happily appologise. I'm a big kid now, I can accept that I'm wrong...
Can you?

Now understand I won't be responding to you on the other threads because it detracts from the conversation started by people with issues that are much bigger than the size of my cApITal LetTeRS.

 

[sammy01]

"Yes people, please brush up on your literacy skills before seeking help with your legal problems"
She never came back after you criticized her. How sad... Folk here could have helped her, but it was more important that you give me an example of my poor comprehension skills that help this woman?

How else is that poor woman, who only wants to see her kid gonna interpret your comment? An attack on me. Or an attack on her? She never came back. sHE NEVER ASKED FOr MORE HELp... WELL DONE YOU LAUGHED AT ME. I get it... trolling me is more important than me helping that woman get advice on moving forward with her family law case. ARE yOu proud of that? Does it make you feel important? Now politely, and respectfully realise this. YOU ARE A TROLL.

 

[rjm]

Lol. The ....... was the tongue in cheek hint.
Personally I would never tell someone to use paragraphs, unless it was a writing class.
The situation you're creating with your little rant is that no one will be game to disagree or question you on anything. That's fine if you think you already know everything there is to know about everything. You just get your own views parroted back at you. When someone disagrees with you or asks you to question your actions or words that's an opportunity to learn.
I used to teach Pony Club. In fact myself & another lady started one for disadvantaged kids who didn't have horse floats to travel 40 minutes to the closest one. One of the things I used to tell the kids was to listen to everything their instructors had to say. You may not like a particular instructor but if you stop listening you may miss the one pearl of information that they have to offer.
Private schools don't have Pony Clubs, you learn something every day. Because your accusations are baseless I feel no need to defend myself. If I was a troll I would have had far more derogatory things to say to you sammy.
As it stands I've said that I thought you were being a prat. Not that you are a prat, simply that in my opinion you were behaving like one. And that was only after you falsly accused me of attacking you.
Now we can agree to disagree and be civil, or ignore each other. Either is fine by me. Despite the nasty things you've said I bare no grudge, life's too short.
You are a great resource to people on here. I certainly wouldn't want to deprive anyone of that.

 

[Tim W]

@rjm - Mate, you've been here a few weeks.
And, as noisy as you've been, you haven't had a lot to say that is of much value.

The thing about people who come here looking for help is this...
They have sometimes (often?) summoned up a lifetime's worth of courage before doing so.
Many of them are worried about how they'll be received,
most of them don't write like Shakespeare,
and lots of them don't know exactly what their problem is,
they just know they've got one.
Quite a few will suffer new (or worsened) distress when confronted with
what to them, right or wrong, and no matter your intentions,
looks and feels like an attack.

 

[Atticus]

@rjm - Mate, you've been here a few weeks.
And, as noisy as you've been, you haven't had a lot to say that is of much value.

Agree...

Regarding respect...... In the year or so I have been a member here, I have only seen 1 thread locked..... That was a thread that a new member derailed with a display that was a pointless, opinionated sideshow, sniping that had zip to do with the question being asked, leave alone anything approaching a valuable input...

That style belongs on FB or twitter... People come here looking for answers, not unhelpful opinions.... And members here, especially those that offer regular valuable advice or shared experience, don't need some blow in coming along to knit pick & generally disrupt what up to now has been a very respectful forum...

 

[rjm]

Respectfully to both Tim & Atticus. You have taken the paragraph thing the wrong way. It was tongue in cheek & was said because I don't think we should be critiquing anyone's writing style. I'm sorry it was misconstrued. I thought that was explained well enough above.
As for the thread being locked. Gee sorry. The OP suggests that it's unfair that women can have abortions but men can't demand one. I did disagree quite strongly & say that turning the clock back a few hundred years on the rights of women wasn't the best way to deal with a bloke having an affair & not wanting the child. At no time did I attack anyone's character, simply stated my personal view.
As for my input on here. Anyone who bothers to read all of my posts will see that they include offering emotional support to people who are being deprived of time with their children & encouraging suicidal young men not to top themselves.
No i haven't had to go through family court so obviously I'm no help on specifics in that area. That said I've watched my parents go through 4 divorces between the 2 of them. I do have personal experience of avo's.
I'm happy to take the feedback on board. I would like to point out that sammy still hasn't provided any evidence of the personal attack. Someone else made the comment that he wrote the book on common sense. I liked it, as did glass half full. That's what started all this. Being a bit over sensitive I think.

 

[Rob Legat - SBPL]

Perhaps an important reminder that many people, and even we lawyers from time to time, forget that written words are often in neutral tone and the writer‘s meaning can often be misconstrued - especially when it is made without context. Communicating a single idea can be art form, especially when that idea is just as easily capable of being interpreted as two.

Everybody should develop the habit of reading back to themselves what they have written and asking, “Does this say what I want to say?” Would probably save a lot of back and forth.

 

[rjm]

Personally it doesn't bother me but I'm not sure that the 3 of you should be telling anyone that their input is of no value.
I'm glad it's me you're saying it to & not someone else. You would have an argument on your hands.
The moderators aren't shy. If they thought my intention was to simply stir up trouble they would have stopped me by now.
Really Sammy. The CaPiToLs thing is so childish.

 

[rjm]

Your right Rob. I actually feel bloody awful thinking that the OP thought that I was telling her to use paragraphs. My bad. It may well have been perceived that way. I'll do my best to avoid such a misunderstanding in future.

 

[sammy01]

If Rob is right (and you said he is RJM) that the OP thought you were telling her to use parapgraphs.... And that it might well have been percieved that way. (paraphrasing your words BTW).. Then maybe - Just maybe - That is exactly how I perceieved it?
HMMM - So maybe you misunderstood when I said calm down... although, I did go on to clarify it not once but twice... So maybe you should calm down...

Oh and there is no thread where the punter stopped responding after I had a go at them about paragraphs is there?
NOPE.... But that is your argument with me? Well then there is no argument because you're arguing about something that doesn't exist.

Hmm you starting a statement with "lol"... Is mature - Me suggesting you could let the capitals thing gO is childish? Yep got it. Yep things should be fair... Just more fair for you than me?

Oh and you've RIGHTLY said, we should not be critiquing other people's writing style... But you had go at me for a simple typo and for using capitals. Your criticism of me has gone so far as to suggest I shouldn't be a teacher? That I need to evolve and I'm a prat? all pointless GUFF and the language of trolls.

Nope I'm not averse to an argument. In fact I'm arguing with you right now. I've said I'm a big boy and if you can show me where I'm wrong I will apologise. I'm asking the same of you... Is that fair.

So you mentioned numbers while rail roading another post. Here let me quote it "Perpetuating the idea that men aren't being treated fairly when the numbers actually suggest that they are is dangerous. "
WHAT NUMBERS?
I'd argue you are wrong... Sadly, (in my opinion) due to the govt trying to do the census online and failing, we're a bit thin on for good data... But let me show you some figures. So despite the law clearly stating the where practical 50/50 care should be considered... NOT enforced but at least considered... It rarely happens.

Shared care time

aifs.gov.au

Here is some other really sad statistics. Suicide rates in this country... Espeically male suicide rates are appalling. I'd argue. Again, just my opinion... The fact that the second highest suicide rates are among men 45-49 is alarming. Roughly, the age group that would be enjoying raising a family. I'd love to find good data, rather than having to make assuptions.... That there is some corelation at least between family law proceedings and some of these suicides...
Suicide facts and stats - Life in Mind Australia

I"m very reluctant to bring up tragedies to make a point. But as it has been raised on a thread... We all know Hannah Clarke and that terrible situation in QLD in February. It was all over the media for weeks... Who has heard of Jari Wise? Not so many... See in March this year Jari was run over by his ex partner in her car. He died at the scene. There was an apprehended violence order preventing his girlfriend from approaching him and she had history of breaching the terms of the avo. His ex partner is not in custody. She is walking the streets free. Pending her next court appearance.
'Domestic violence against men is real': Woman walks free from court after car she was driving hit and killed her boyfriend - leaving his shattered mother weeping in rage

So the cops wanna know if it is co-incidence that he happened to be standing around at the same time as the ex had a car accident? OR was it murder?

You still owe me an apology...
To sum up... There are no numbers that show men get a fair go in family court... Despite the laws clearly promoting gender equality... The term in law is 'shared parental responsibility'. I like the laws I think they're fair and reasonable. But they don't seem to be getting applied. Sure there are lots of reasons. Very young kids especially todlers have primary attachment. Sometimes one parent is happy with less than 50/50. But the courts are clogged with cases where prediminantly dad's are fighting to see their kids. Finally, the media under report male victims of violence while sensationalising stories of female victims.