VIC Family Law - Divorcing Father Wishes to be Primary Carer?

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Clancy

Well-Known Member
6 April 2016
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My lawyer explained to me the fundamental problem. Women have a biological imperative instilled in their DNA that tell them they know whats best for their child, even over and above experts, mediators and courts. Wise women will look past that, morons like my ex have difficulty looking past it.
 

Muxaul

Well-Known Member
10 October 2017
154
13
414
My lawyer explained to me the fundamental problem. Women have a biological imperative instilled in their DNA that tell them they know whats best for their child, even over and above experts, mediators and courts. Wise women will look past that, morons like my ex have difficulty looking past it.
Good lucks mate! I’m with you on this journey. We wouldn’t be here if wasn’t because the sad situations. . You will get your daughter the justice she deserves.
 
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Clancy

Well-Known Member
6 April 2016
973
69
2,289
I used to wonder why parents would stay in bad relationships for the benefit of their children...then after having my own child, I would have walked through fire to protect her from a broken family! What I am saying is, I did not want to stay married to my ex, she was a clean freak and I was f tired of it. But I did want to do whatever it takes to make the marriage work for the sake of our child. Whatever I have to learn, I am ready to learn.

But my ex saw it different, she snapped her fingers and ended it, no marriage counseling, no trial separation, nothing, just end. There was no convincing her, it's like an iron curtain had slammed down. There was no one particular incident - no cheating, no substance abuse, gambling, fighting, etc

Sometimes in life you do not get any second chances, its just the end and you have to try and make the best of it.
 

Muxaul

Well-Known Member
10 October 2017
154
13
414
I used to wonder why parents would stay in bad relationships for the benefit of their children.... then after having my own child, i would have walked through fire to protect her from a broken family! What i am saying is, i did not want to stay married to my ex, she was a clean freak and i was F tired of it. But i did want to do whatever it takes to make the marriage work for the sake of our child, whatever i have to learn, i am ready to learn. But my ex saw it differently, she snapped her fingers and ended it, no marriage counseling, no trial separation, nothing, just END, there was no convincing her, its like an iron curtain had slammed down. There was no one particular incident - no cheating, no substance abuse, gambling, fighting etc

Sometimes in life you do not get any second chances, its just the end and you have to try and make the best of it.
My marriage has no cheating no drug abuse no gambling either. In fact both of us are strong human beings, and we both strive for better self. But the way we see things, the way we treat people are totally different. She forbids me to see certain people or do certain things that I think would against my moral.

If I reject her commands then she’d think I’m forcing her to accept thing that she cannot accept. She thinks that being nice to her is granted, and if I do less then I’m mistreating her. She and her mother did many bad things and and said many terrible things but they never apologise. They always think that they are right. And wife tells her mother everything in between us with twisted version. Her mother then gets involved and it was like two against one.

I totally get what you said. I also sometimes think to myself that we should’ve stayed together as a couple for the sake of child. But then again I also know that if we had stayed in the marriage both our life would have stayed the same, and eventually, may 10 or years later we’d still break up. It doesn’t matter what you did or what she did that led to the end of marriage. If your marriage is ended then that means you are not suitable for each other.
 

Clancy

Well-Known Member
6 April 2016
973
69
2,289
My marriage has no cheating no drug abuse no gambling either. In fact both of us are strong human beings, and we both strive for better self. But the way we see things, the way we treat people are totally different. She forbids me to see certain people or do certain things that I think would against my moral.

If I reject her commands then she’d think I’m forcing her to accept thing that she cannot accept. She thinks that being nice to her is granted, and if I do less then I’m mistreating her. She and her mother did many bad things and and said many terrible things but they never apologise. They always think that they are right. And wife tells her mother everything in between us with twisted version. Her mother then gets involved and it was like two against one.

I totally get what you said. I also sometimes think to myself that we should’ve stayed together as a couple for the sake of child. But then again I also know that if we had stayed in the marriage both our life would have stayed the same, and eventually, may 10 or years later we’d still break up. It doesn’t matter what you did or what she did that led to the end of marriage. If your marriage is ended then that means you are not suitable for each other.

That is somewhat odd? Is there religion involved? Otherwise I would say that generally you learn if your suitable for each other by living together several years before getting married. My ex refused to live with me before the marriage because of religion. I am Christian but that crap never helped anyone, just led to heartache. Funny how she would not move in before marriage because of religion, but had no problem divorcing despite religion?

Anyway, even if you do live together several years before marriage, it still requires effort to maintain a good marriage. Good marriages do not come from good matches, but people putting in the effort - us guys usually screw up on that point, this I can admit :)
 

Muxaul

Well-Known Member
10 October 2017
154
13
414
That is somewhat odd? Is there religion involved? Otherwise i would say that generally you learn if your suitable for each other by living together several years before getting married. My ex refused to live with me before the marriage because of religion. I am Christian but that crap never helped anyone, just led to heartache. Funny how she would not move in before marriage because of religion, but had no problem divorcing despite religion? Anyway, Even if you do live together several years before marriage, it still requires effort to maintain a good marriage, .... good marriage's do not come from good matches, but people putting in the effort - us guys usually screw up on that point, this i can admit :)
It is nothing to do with religion, mate. We married 6 months after we met and only started to see the real personality difference after that. My wife would take extreme manor to get things to how she wants it, in ways that I don’t approve. For example a friend of mine use to owe me small amount of money, before I got married. He then promised my wife to write some document for her but he didn’t do it. My wife got into revenge mode and she then demands me to cause a big drama at friend’s work and his home, threaten to ruin his reputation and public image to get the money back. I said no That’s not my way of doing things.

Money and document are two different issues here. Let me talk to my friend to get money back in a civilised way. Then she started to hate me. Since I rejected her demand. to her it was me forcing her to accept something she didn’t approve. Also she sees all my support as granted. more over, her mother also constantly gets involved and defends her daughter regardless.

Anyway, this relationship of mine is a torture to both and I’d want it to end too. My only concern is how to be the best father I can be to my son.
 

Clancy

Well-Known Member
6 April 2016
973
69
2,289
Ahh, ok, 6 months.... Its funny, when your younger, and in love, you just don't see why not get married. Its only when your older and go through all these things that you learn why people say about 2 years living together is the minimum before getting married.

But you know, every couple encounters major differences at some point, but the lesson is not that you have differences, but how you deal with it. ... and separating wont fix that if you have kids and still have to deal with them!

*And separating wont fix that if you have kids and still have to deal with them*! - this is what aggravates me the most about my ex refusing to do marriage counseling - she just wants out, but the relationship is in tatters and we still have to deal with each other, marriage counseling may or may not have saved the marriage, but it would have improved our standing with each other, making it easier to deal with each other after separating for the benefit of our daughter.
 

Muxaul

Well-Known Member
10 October 2017
154
13
414
Ahh, ok, 6 months.... Its funny, when your younger, and in love, you just don't see why not get married. Its only when your older and go through all these things that you learn why people say about 2 years living together is the minimum before getting married.

But you know, every couple encounters major differences at some point, but the lesson is not that you have differences, but how you deal with it. ... and separating wont fix that if you have kids and still have to deal with them!

*And separating wont fix that if you have kids and still have to deal with them*! - this is what aggravates me the most about my ex refusing to do marriage counseling - she just wants out, but the relationship is in tatters and we still have to deal with each other, marriage counseling may or may not have saved the marriage, but it would have improved our standing with each other, making it easier to deal with each other after separating for the benefit of our daughter.
Refusing conversion, or running a family Cold War, is one form of mental abuse and domestic violence. You maybe a victim here.
 

Clancy

Well-Known Member
6 April 2016
973
69
2,289
Refusing conversion, or running a family Cold War, is one form of mental abuse and domestic violence. You maybe a victim here.

Oh she doesn't refuse conversation, she just refuses to listen and just does whatever she thinks is best..... over and above professional mediators online literature etc etc.... too be honest, its me who doesn't want to talk because i refuse to waste my time on one way conversations when i have a perfectly good brick wall i can go and talk too instead!
 

Muxaul

Well-Known Member
10 October 2017
154
13
414
Oh she doesn't refuse conversation, she just refuses to listen and just does whatever she thinks is best..... over and above professional mediators online literature etc etc.... too be honest, its me who doesn't want to talk because i refuse to waste my time on one way conversations when i have a perfectly good brick wall i can go and talk too instead!
Please do let her know your reasons so that she can at least have a chance to see from your point of view. If she refuse to acknowledge then that’s her problem. Be aware if she claims that you performed domestic violence on her.