VIC Care of kids

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tigerman2705

Well-Known Member
22 April 2021
16
5
104
Hi - I have three daughters aged 16, 14, 11.

Their mum had me removed from the home in April by varying an existing IVO to add the home address and the kids. She has used the IVO to suit herself for 6 years now. 2 weeks later she offered me two nights a fortnight with the girls at the former family home. Weird I know if I’m such a “risk”.
After getting some conditions varied I consented without admissions (again) to save my money for other battles. Order expires next June.

I have had to live 90 minutes away for several months - but have now secured a rental in the town where the kids go to school and get the keys in mid-August. I am getting things rolling with Relationships Australia and will see if the ex is up for mediation re kids. Depends which side of the bed she gets out of I think.

tempted to go back to court and vary the order again now that I’ve had significant change in circumstance now that I’m seeing kids regularly and about to move back to town - happy to have a basic order with kids on it, and separate order with everything on it for the ex, who I don’t want to see/speak to anyway. I’d like to think that a reasonable magistrate (they do exist) would see how ridiculous the situation is regarding the kids.

The eldest says she wants to live with me full time - while the other two want half/half which is fine. My question is this - if mediation doesn’t work, is it worth going the full 9 yards and fighting in court? I’ve been told orders don’t mean much when kids are aged around 14-16 and they’ll vote with their feet anyway

The place I’ve rented is 5 minutes walk to all the kids schools and I can work from home a few days a week so I’m very well set up for a 50-50 scenario (at least).

Ex will put up opposition due to child support reasons I reckon. She works full time.

We have around $2 mill of assets to split but discussing that should probably be another thread which I won’t bother with for now.
 

Atticus

Well-Known Member
6 February 2019
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2,394
My question is this - if mediation doesn’t work, is it worth going the full 9 yards and fighting in court? I’ve been told orders don’t mean much when kids are aged around 14-16 and they’ll vote with their feet anyway
If child support is her main concern (as in how much it will reduce) then it's unlikely she will agree to anything that will see it reduced.... the eldest could be 18 by the time you get orders. She will likly throw up every hurdle she can during the proceedings as well. I wouldn't be wasting my time & money..

See if relationships Australia can do a child inclusive mediation where the kids can put their wishes regarding living arrangements forward.... Living so close by & being able to arrange work around 50/50 is a huge bonus... Ultimately, agreement / orders or not, living that close means the kids will soon just do as they wish anyway I reckon.
 

Jamie27

Well-Known Member
9 April 2020
46
0
121
If child support is her main concern (as in how much it will reduce) then it's unlikely she will agree to anything that will see it reduced.... the eldest could be 18 by the time you get orders. She will likly throw up every hurdle she can during the proceedings as well. I wouldn't be wasting my time & money..

See if relationships Australia can do a child inclusive mediation where the kids can put their wishes regarding living arrangements forward.... Living so close by & being able to arrange work around 50/50 is a huge bonus... Ultimately, agreement / orders or not, living that close means the kids will soon just do as they wish anyway I reckon.
Child inclusive mediation is a great idea. I should have done this.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
4,759
689
2,894
Or..
If kids want to come to your house for a week and then a week with mum let them. Don't tell csa right away. Wait 4-6 weeks.
Forget court. If mum has a problem she can apply to court.
Just don't breach the avo.
 
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tigerman2705

Well-Known Member
22 April 2021
16
5
104
Or..
If kids want to come to your house for a week and then a week with mum let them. Don't tell csa right away. Wait 4-6 weeks.
Forget court. If mum has a problem she can apply to court.
Just don't breach the avo.
Sitting here in the former marital home after a night watching movies with the kids and am just thinking “none of us deserve this”.

if only we could all act like adults “are meant to” and get on with life. There is absolutely no truth to her claims that the children are at risk in my care. Never have been, never will be.

as far as I am concerned the kids can do whatever they want - I know they want to see their dad which is all that matters.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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ok so you don't currently have family court orders? so there are no rules about where the kids live (except for HER rules).
So get the house set up in August, offer mediation. But ultimately, there are no rules and if the kids choose to walk to dad's place after school, then that is their call.

Mate based on your last post, you seem sensible enough to be able to have a chat with the kids, without slagging off their mum. Tough conversations need to be had sometimes.
 

tigerman2705

Well-Known Member
22 April 2021
16
5
104
Thanks Sammy - yep the kids and I have great chats regularly. They are great kids and very sensible. The “sting” of the decision to separate has worn off and we all just want to get on with our lives.

The second eldest was telling me last night that she wants to live with me “most of the time”. I have no doubt the youngest will follow suit. To be frank I would be happy with a flexible agreement that gives kids a lot of freedom and also flexibility for both me and ex.

Their Mum is dragging this out unfortunately - I handed over all financial stuff to her lawyer months ago, and am getting nothing but radio silence in return. I really don’t understand the strategy for someone who wanted to get it all over and done with ASAP. I’m happy for now as I will use the times that I have access to the property to get it ready to sell. Getting the best price that we can is in everyone’s best interest.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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Family law is a slow game. It is only 3 months. Go slow.
But as far as the kids go, at their age, I would not even bother with getting court orders. I like the 'happy with a flexible agreement...." BUT flexible in my world meant needing the contort to the wishes of a mad woman. Clear rules... BTW kids need clear rules too. The last thing you want is kids running to mum because she promised them an I phone 6...
For the minute - stay calm. Smile and nod... Get the rental place sorted and then the kids can walk...
 
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