VIC Care of kids

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tigerman2705

Well-Known Member
22 April 2021
25
6
154
Well it didn’t take long, ex went nuts at the kids last night, 16yo spent the night being yelled at, and told me her mum made her cry from the abuse and that she is threatening to “broadcast to the world” about what a prick I am. 14yo tells me her mum is now saying she won’t pay for/take her to extra curricular activities as punishment.
I feel terrible for the kids but I am staying calm and counting the days.

oh, and yes, ex is telling the kids they’ve been brainwashed.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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2,894
Ok, so it would have been better to keep this all hush until you got your new place near by. That is in August right?
Well - no time machines here... Get moved in. Then let 'em vote with their feet.
Hey - the ex is actually your greatest asset. She keeps yelling at them, they're gonna love dad's place all the more.

FFS don't get done for breach avo. You do know she will try that one...

And start a youtube channel. There are lots of idiots in Sydney breaching the lockdown rules, could you brainwash them into believing this thing is serious. You know, if you have the capacity to 'brainwash' you should put it to serve the good.
 

tigerman2705

Well-Known Member
22 April 2021
25
6
154
So one of the girls has texted me telling me that her mum has given in to a degree and will agree to me having the two eldest girls 85% of the time, but that she wants the youngest 85% of the time, and that mum’s lawyer is drafting an agreement. Youngest has always said she wanted to spend half the time with mum and half the time with me so it’s quite a turnaround. Personally I think she will miss her sisters and change her mind in time. I will be very interested to see what is put on the table.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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hhmm, stay calm. Do nothing IF you get that sort of offer, then thing get interersting. Mum wants youngest 85% of the time... But that doesn't mean that is what the kid wants.
 

tigerman2705

Well-Known Member
22 April 2021
25
6
154
hhmm, stay calm. Do nothing IF you get that sort of offer, then thing get interersting. Mum wants youngest 85% of the time... But that doesn't mean that is what the kid wants.
Hi Sammy - went to court on Friday to apply for leave to apply for a variation of the intervention order and the magistrate gave me a good hearing and granted leave. I hope I have the same one when I return on Sept 3, because he seems very reasonable. The ex will get a shock when police knock on her door with a summons.
Spent another great weekend with the kids at the family home- they’ve been copping it from the ex - they’re getting the whole “you’ve been brainwashed… after all I’ve done for you… your nana and aunties all think you’re selfish little bitc$es” etc.
And the youngest (nearly 12) told me she wants to be with me 50-50 but her mum isn’t taking notice, telling her “you’re too young to choose”… I’m not worried about that because if we go down the court path I believe it will go my way, given the older two will already be with me 85% of the time.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
4,853
690
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Wait, so you visit the family home? where does the ex go?
Mate, I reckon you just get a house set up and tell the kids to vote with their feet... Frankly, they can tell mum that if she is gonna be a twit, they'll stay with you... I never advocate coaching kids, but lets deal with some realities here. Mate, I told my kids that I love them, love their mum and i hope she is happy (with a hint of sarcasm). But they heard me comforting them, telling them all would be ok etc.... That 'brain washing' worked heaps better than the nasty crap my ex said to the kids about me... Infact her antics became my best asset in trying to fix this crap. The more the ex went stupid, the more sane I looked and the kids need at least one sane parent.
 

tigerman2705

Well-Known Member
22 April 2021
25
6
154
the ex has been vacating the family home every second weekend to enable me to see the kids - it’s a written agreement her solicitor put together.

The rest of the time I’m restricted by an IVO which keeps me from the address and has the “don’t go within 5 metres” conditions etc. I am allowed to contact them by text or on social media.

the ex varied an existing IVO by putting kids and address on it in April. Two and a half weeks later off her own bat she offered me the every second weekend arrangement caring for the kids at the family home, which to me is very much at odds with the supposed need for a super restrictive IVO.

That is why I’ve applied to get it varied, especially now that I’m moving back to town on Friday. I will ask the magistrate to split the order, one for her as it is, and the other for the kids as just a basic “don’t commit family violence” condition. It won’t cost me anything to give it a crack. Like you, I don’t mind the ex having an order because I don’t want anything to do with her anyway. When I applied for leave to apply for a variation my gut feeling was that the magistrate saw the situation for what it is - a nasty ex wife trying to use an IVO to punish instead of protect - I hope I get him again next time.

The house will be sold but given it’s an acreage property there’s a bit of tidying up I need to do to get the best price we can, so I don’t mind heading there every fortnight to get the work done while she’s not there

I saw in another thread that your ex used the “I’m going to destroy you” line at one point- I’ve copped that one too. I think our exes are a bit similar, and yes I’m the one trying to keep things calm with the kids
 
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GlassHalfFull

Well-Known Member
28 August 2018
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STay calm - Be in this sucker for the long haul.
Yep, about the best advice you can get in family law issues is: be in it for the long haul, don't get too worked up about short term issues (unless they will create a long term issue if they aren't knocked on the head immediately). In the long run, short term things don't matter too much. What matters is your relationship with your kids. Celebrate it. Preserve it. Nurture it. In the long run, everything else is mostly noise.

It's advice that I would have been best off taking at various stages of my family law case... Easier said than done when emotions are high and every little thing seems like a huge setback though.