Hi,
My husband and I have separated and have two children together. We’ve agreed the kids should live primarily with me as I’ve been the stay at home Mum with them all their lives and my husband has always gone to work (we used to both own and run a business together) . Now we are separated I am retraining (as after the extended break from working my skills are now obsolete) but for the next few years i am managing on single parent pension and my ex’s child support. There a few health issues with one of our young kids and I’m the carer of my sixteen year old from my previous marriage so getting a job right now isn’t really feasible and when I am able to work, I have no real super or assets so getting back into a career that pays well is really important to me. My husband has maintained and developed his career whilst I looked after the kids. The place we live is very expensive (one of the most expensive parts of the state) and the rent is completely out of my means, I’m currently getting further and further into debt each week. I already pay the cheapest rent available and have shrunk all outgoings down to the minimum. - stopped private health insurance and sold all assets. We managed as a couple but individually it is very hard. Our daughter was in private school and on separation.my husband agree to pay her school fees but I’ve just found out he hasn’t paid since the beginning of the year and it’s all in my name, the same is true for our sons preschool. Our daughter will have to come out of private and into a public school as he he will only pay the fees if the rate is reduced due to his ‘low income’ (he works off the books) and I’m not okay with taking advantage like that. I have suggested that I really need to move to a cheaper area and as our kids have to leave their schools now is a good time. I’ve found a town five hours away in a rural centre which has good school, a university for me to finish study as well as good medical resources for my sixteen year old and rent is well within my budget. My ex has outright disagreed with this suggestion despite also saying that he couldn’t manage to live here in my situation and also that the kids staying with him full time isn’t an option for him as he works. He currently has the kids 2-3 hours after school twice a week and every other weekend, I’m always flexible and he often can’t make it. I’ve suggested that I bring the kids back every fortnight for the weekend and I’ll stay with my parents and drive them back and have offered to let him stay with us whenever he wants to come up and they can visit on block during the holidays. I currently drive four hours a week dropping them off at his house so don’t see the extra two hours a fortnight an issue. He has a lovely relationship with the kids, one which has improved with our separation and I wholly support their ongoing relationship and feel that we can make it work despite the distance. He doesn’t pick the kids up from or drop them at school or attend the clubs or medical appointments/speech therapy or attend to any other aspects of their day to day lives but his concern is not being a constant fixture in their lives which I sympathise with and I am entirely committed to maintaining this important connection. I’m in an unsustainable situation and I’m having trouble working out not only what is right but also what is legally reasonable for me to do or not do.
Thank you for reading, advice very much appreciated
My husband and I have separated and have two children together. We’ve agreed the kids should live primarily with me as I’ve been the stay at home Mum with them all their lives and my husband has always gone to work (we used to both own and run a business together) . Now we are separated I am retraining (as after the extended break from working my skills are now obsolete) but for the next few years i am managing on single parent pension and my ex’s child support. There a few health issues with one of our young kids and I’m the carer of my sixteen year old from my previous marriage so getting a job right now isn’t really feasible and when I am able to work, I have no real super or assets so getting back into a career that pays well is really important to me. My husband has maintained and developed his career whilst I looked after the kids. The place we live is very expensive (one of the most expensive parts of the state) and the rent is completely out of my means, I’m currently getting further and further into debt each week. I already pay the cheapest rent available and have shrunk all outgoings down to the minimum. - stopped private health insurance and sold all assets. We managed as a couple but individually it is very hard. Our daughter was in private school and on separation.my husband agree to pay her school fees but I’ve just found out he hasn’t paid since the beginning of the year and it’s all in my name, the same is true for our sons preschool. Our daughter will have to come out of private and into a public school as he he will only pay the fees if the rate is reduced due to his ‘low income’ (he works off the books) and I’m not okay with taking advantage like that. I have suggested that I really need to move to a cheaper area and as our kids have to leave their schools now is a good time. I’ve found a town five hours away in a rural centre which has good school, a university for me to finish study as well as good medical resources for my sixteen year old and rent is well within my budget. My ex has outright disagreed with this suggestion despite also saying that he couldn’t manage to live here in my situation and also that the kids staying with him full time isn’t an option for him as he works. He currently has the kids 2-3 hours after school twice a week and every other weekend, I’m always flexible and he often can’t make it. I’ve suggested that I bring the kids back every fortnight for the weekend and I’ll stay with my parents and drive them back and have offered to let him stay with us whenever he wants to come up and they can visit on block during the holidays. I currently drive four hours a week dropping them off at his house so don’t see the extra two hours a fortnight an issue. He has a lovely relationship with the kids, one which has improved with our separation and I wholly support their ongoing relationship and feel that we can make it work despite the distance. He doesn’t pick the kids up from or drop them at school or attend the clubs or medical appointments/speech therapy or attend to any other aspects of their day to day lives but his concern is not being a constant fixture in their lives which I sympathise with and I am entirely committed to maintaining this important connection. I’m in an unsustainable situation and I’m having trouble working out not only what is right but also what is legally reasonable for me to do or not do.
Thank you for reading, advice very much appreciated
