QLD Ex Neglecting Son - What to Do Under Family Law?

[Todd]

My ex has done her absolute worst since she left me and our 2-year-old boy.

She separated him from me for 10 weeks. During that time, I had no contact whatsoever with my beautiful boy who loves me like any son would love a hands-on loving father. Towards the end of our relationship, I was the sole carer of him. She was never home, despite my vigilant efforts to connect her with him. I was met with complete contempt and disrespect.

She has designed a DVO with some outrageous allegations, including that she was worried I would take our son from her which I just wouldn't do, but she has done twice, both times with blatant lies and no regard for our son's emotions. He would have missed me like hell!

She still interferes whenever she can and has created an imaginary person to cover whoever she is letting babysit our son. I don't know where he is or who he's with when I am available to him. She lies about everything to do with him and clearly has no respect for our son's connection with his dad.

I have tried everything from gifts to friendship to begging, just every possibly way to get her to discuss and come to an agreement regarding our son, but my input is shut down with threats of breaches and family court, etc.

There is much more but I am desperate to protect my son from neglect, as his speech and reliance on his dummy and bottle were taken care of when I last saw him before she ripped him away, but she puts him in daycare 4 days a week and does not spend any spare time with him.

While I signed him up for soccer lessons at his daycare and get very excited to go along to encourage him as I had been told he didn't want to join in first few lessons, only to find he is not there. In fact, he doesn't go to daycare on Thursday. He is with someone that she feels the need to lie to his father about and not care at all about his soccer lessons or the fact it was something I wanted to enjoy with my son.
Sorry, there is much more but what do I do under Family Law?

 

[AllForHer]

How often are you seeing the child now?

 

[Todd]

How often are you seeing the child now?

We have 50/50 1 week on and one off, and while he is with her, he is not allowed to have any contact with me whatsoever. He is suffering.

 

[AllForHer]

Okay, 50/50 is basically the best outcome you could get through court, so I'm unclear as to what your goal is in this situation.

I also wonder if the reason a child of two years of age would be suffering is because to his little mind, seven nights is an eternity to wait before seeing the other parent. Psychologists generally suggest that children of tender years shouldn't go more than a few days between seeing either parent, so for an equal time agreement (as an example), it might better to do a 3/4/4/3 fortnightly split, rather than week-about, and then change to a week-about arrangement when the child starts school so the routine is predictable in an age-appropriate fashion.

Of course, that's just a suggestion, and if the mother isn't open to negotiation, then it's important to make the week-about arrangements as comfortable for your child as possible.

A lot of parents have difficulty coming to terms with this, but who your son is with during his time with the mother is the mother's sole responsibility, and it's not necessary to inform you about who she has nominated to care for the child when he is in her charge. I realise it would put your mind at ease, but your peace of mind is not related to whether or not the child's best interests are being met.

I assume that you facilitate the child speaking to the mother once or twice during the week the child is with you, so perhaps you should propose one or two nights a week that you speak to the child between certain times, such as Sundays and Thursdays between 6:00pm and 6:30pm.

If the soccer lessons were organised to take place during the mother's time with the child and you haven't consulted with her about his participation, then I'm afraid you may be at fault on this, not her. The other thing is that putting a child in day care seems to only become a point of criticism when parents separate, but try and remember that average parents have to work and they take advantage of day care in order to do that and support their families. It's unreasonable to be critical of the mother putting the child being in day care four days a week because she's working.

 

[sammy01]

Wow, you got 50/50 mate, great result. Tell us how you scored that.

Now, nothing else I write you're gonna like: Deal with it.

You have no control over what she does. By the sounds of things, this has already gone to court and you've gotten a great result. Based on what you've written the kid suffers from some bad parenting but it ain't like the mum is an ice addict and if there were serious concerns the pre-school would be on to them.

Look I get it - I really do. For months over summer, I had to do knit treatment every time the kids came. I'd talk to their mum and ask her to do simple stuff like wash sheets, etc., to stop re-infestations. Her answer? "Don't need to. There are no knits at her place, she must get them from me."

Yup, genius. So understand that just like married folk, you are one-half of the kid's life. Try even harder to be a good role model, because you can't fix the other half.

So learn to do what you can. Learn that when your kid is at mum's house you have no control.

Sorry, I don't have happier recommendations.

 

[Todd]

Fair bit of misunderstanding eg.not critical of daycare, critical of no consultation relating to shared legal custody and no consideration or effort whatsoever to co-parent. Will have to do some more reading. There must be a way to uphold a standard of behaviour eg.honesty, and respect. Are these responses from solicitors?

 

[AllForHer]

By all means, go forth and speak to a solicitor if you don't trust the responses you receive here.

 

[mago]

Fair bit of misunderstanding eg.not critical of daycare critical of no consultation relating to shared legal custody and no consideration or effort whatsoever to coparent. Will have to do some more reading there must be a way to uphold a standard of behaviour eg.honesty, and respect. Are these responses from solicitors?

My own response here is that standards are different for all.

The bottom line is that if you have sought good legal advice and receivd it, you'll know what outcome may come come your way. Sounds like you've already got it.

Go talk to a counsellor, children need professional help.