NSW She’s not applying for a divorce - What’s the tactic?

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Permanently Broken

Active Member
3 September 2021

I’ve been separated from my ex for about 19 months now.

Shes changed her name back to her maiden name, has unofficially hyphenated the kids names with her maiden surname, has successfully done everything she could to restrict access to my kids for 19 months and has pretty much cut me out of “her family” and “her kids lives” as she calls it. Oh and yeah ruined my life and destroyed me as a person, hence my username.

Considering all of this and the fact that she’d be happy to dance on my grave, she hasn’t filed for divorce.

Shes made it very clear to the lawyers that she can’t afford Sydney and will be moving out further as soon as she can. She’s also said that she doesn’t want me to know where she will be living on the basis of fear due to false DV charges but it’s clear that it’s just to keep the children from having contact with me.

Knowing this person after being married to her for 20 years, divorce is the absolute first thing she would’ve done the day after the 12 months of separation was up.

I haven’t filed because I’m broke and in a large amount of debt because of the legal fees I’ve accrued. Im in so much debt that my family lawyers have stopping all work for now until I pay the debt down, so I’ve had to self represent for the foreseeable future. So even the ~$900 divorce application fee plus the marriage certificate fee is a lot of money for me in the situation I’m in.

Her on the other hand, she is on Centrelink benefits and would would get a reduced divorce application fee and has a lawyer who could wrap that up in a few hours (thanks to her dads money).

Considering this woman hates me like poison and wants me erased from “her family” and “her children’s” lives, why wouldn’t she get a divorce as soon as she could?

There are no benefits that she would receive by staying married to me (at least that I know of) as we live totally separate lives which has been forced upon me by an ADVO taken out against me on false DV allegations.

She has been very calculating, strategic and manipulative the whole way through the family law proceedings and everything I’ve had a bad gut feeling about , or that I have preempted has happened.

I definitely smell a rat as this doesn’t seem right and it’s not normal for someone who would rather see me dead than alive.

Please don’t think I’m worrying about nothing, being over dramatic or being paranoid. This woman is pure evil and I don’t say that lightly.

This woman has strategically destroyed each and every small amount of progress that I have made in the family court, and that progress has been pushed back so far and attacked that it’s not even worth revisiting.

My questions are and I hope someone can help:
  1. Why would she stay married to me when she absolutely hates me with a passion, wants to erase me as the children’s father and her goal in life is to ruin me and destroy what’s left of me?

  2. Is there something that she knows that is there that she can benefit from, whether it be financial, in general, or parenting matters by staying married to me?

  3. She already receives a considerable amount of child support from me every fortnight as I don’t see my kids at all. Plus she receives job seeker, FTA, FTB and probably DV related payments due to her false accusations and who knows what else from Centrelink. Is there another benefit here or a benefit with another organisation by staying married to me?

  4. Is there something she is planning to use against me on the basis she’s still married to me?
Even though we’ve been separated for 19 months it doesn’t make sense.

I’m hoping someone can help with some insight.


Permanently Broken

Active Member
3 September 2021

Then there is no advantage for her to stay married to you.

I think what you are alluding to is the 12 month rule for property matters to be resolved within 12 months of the separation.

But from the sounds of it there is no property to divide??

that’s correct. It’s all been divided, the house has been sold and the proceeds divided. There’s nothing left in regard to asset division.

Anyway it’s good to know and I still don’t understand her logic.

Permanently Broken

Active Member
3 September 2021

if I could afford it I would just to break ties and move on.

she can on the other hand but has chosen not to which is very odd for me.


Well-Known Member
6 February 2019
Have you had a will done since you separated?
Any life insurance policies... Superannuation?