Separation - Ex Living with New Partner in Our Home Without Permission?

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18 May 2014
Hi everyone,
Last year my wife and I agreed verbally to separation after I discovered she had an affair. As our house has a granny flat and we do not have money to spend to rent another place (unless we go far from where we are with consequent harder impact on the life of our children) we decided verbally that I live in the granny flat and she remains in the house. I reluctantly moved into the granny flat in July last year. This is now the place where I live, work and have the children stay with me sometimes.

We decided so because its in the interests of the children. We are not sure what to do with the house, sell it or finding the money to buy the other part in someway. My concern is that initially her partner visited her only rarely, but more recently he sleeps in the house more regularly. There are signs of him living there (shoes, food, clothes permanently there, use of internet connection). I talked with my ex explaining that it is too hard emotionally to accept this situation and that it would be better to settle our children and property matters before living with him. She answered that her life is not my business and that she can do whatever she likes in the house and that if I have to go to live somewhere else if I want to feel better. I do not find this completely right as to me even if that part of the house is where we agreed she lives, I didn't agree to have her new partner living there.

What do you think I should do? We do not want to make any damage to our children by fighting in family law court, but I would like to know what are my rights?

Many thanks

winston wolf

Well-Known Member
21 April 2014
I'm sure there are many legal opinions but I am going to give you a personal opinion.
Whatever you rights are this is only going to get worse. See a lawyer and begin the separation ASAP.
It sound like you are a reasonable person and this will be to your disadvantage.

Good luck


Well-Known Member
19 April 2014
Hi Mitico,
It sounds like you're been separated nearly 12 months, so you can start to finalise things with divorce, property settlement and parenting arrangements. In one of my previous posts, I highlighted that:
If you would like your arrangements to be legally enforceable, you'll need to either:
  1. If you can agree on arrangements - write out your agreed terms and apply to the Family Law Court for Consent Orders which are legally enforceable and both you and your ex will need to comply with them.
  2. If you can't agree on arrangements - go to family dispute resolution (I think you get a free hour of dispute resolution at a Family Relationships Centre) and if you still can't agree after dispute resolution, you can apply for the Family Law Court to make Parenting Orders (the Court will make it based on the best interests of the child and related considerations) and both you and your ex will need to comply with them.
It will save you time and money if you can come to an agreement (in writing) and apply for Consent Orders rather than having to get the Family Court to make Parenting Orders. It might also be worth seeing if you can get that free dispute resolution session anyway if you're struggling to come to an agreement.

So it sounds like its time for both of you to think about how parenting responsibilities and property/assets will be split and what will be in the best interests of the children. Hopefully you can come to an agreement with your ex to apply for Consent Orders and then you can both move on with clear allocations in place.
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