Separated from wife >3yrs & she left the country

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avocado toast

Active Member
10 December 2020
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0
31
hey there,

My dads been separated from my mum now for over 3years, tbh i think its almost 4yrs. He's been with a new partner, even moved states to live with her, a year ago.

and still my mum refuses to let him finalise their divorce because she wants to control his life. She's a class A narcissist and as such she's moved to NZ because no one here in Australia can tolerate her manipulating us or my father anymore. She knows in NZ my dad will have another barrier to being able to divorce her and I need advice as to where there is anyway he can get this done without her being in the country

He can't get remarried, he can't share accounts, he can't own any property or belongings because she threatens to be take "what's hers" from anything he owns and take him to court for it and honestly his life is just in a constant state of purgatory and its so unfair. please help. Surely there is something that protects my dad from blatant manipulation like this. its been 4 years for gods sake.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
4,852
690
2,894
This site can show you what to do and will cost you nothing (other than the government fees)

He can make a sole application for divorce. She then has 1 year to apply through courts for asset divison. If there is nothing of substantial values she wont bother... I hope they don't have a home with both names on the title?
 

avocado toast

Active Member
10 December 2020
6
0
31
This site can show you what to do and will cost you nothing (other than the government fees)

He can make a sole application for divorce. She then has 1 year to apply through courts for asset divison. If there is nothing of substantial values she wont bother... I hope they don't have a home with both names on the title?
no home. She's always spent every dollar we've ever had and wracked up credit cards without him knowing and left him to pay them off. He had to file for bankruptcy years ago to dig himself out of the hole she made.

since leaving her he's not bought a single thing for himself so that she couldn't manipulate him into owing her something. its so sad because he just wants to do simple things like buy his new partner jewellery but he's afraid my mum will say its her money he's spending and demand restitution. it breaks my heart that he can't move on.

what's the link you mentioned
 

Atticus

Well-Known Member
6 February 2019
1,827
259
2,394
since leaving her he's not bought a single thing for himself so that she couldn't manipulate him into owing her something.
That's sad he or someone else hasn't got some legal advice on his situation before now.... Could have saved him years of anxst.

If there are no assets of the marriage remaining then there is nothing to divide..... apart from possibly seeking a share of any superannuation... Does he have any?

Anything he has earned from his own labor since separation is safe from a property settlement even if she filed for one.

As for the divorce
1) Is your dad an Aust citizen?
2) Does he know your mums address in NZ or where she works, family members over there?
 

avocado toast

Active Member
10 December 2020
6
0
31
That's sad he or someone else hasn't got some legal advice on his situation before now.... Could have saved him years of anxst.

If there are no assets of the marriage remaining then there is nothing to divide..... apart from possibly seeking a share of any superannuation... Does he have any?

Anything he has earned from his own labor since separation is safe from a property settlement even if she filed for one.

As for the divorce
1) Is your dad an Aust citizen?
2) Does he know your mums address in NZ or where she works, family members over there?
1) yes
2) No

Since i posted this and got everyones amazing advice i've been in contact with him to update him on some options. His issue is that she's not giving him her address and just asking for stuff to be sent to her brothers. Is that a sufficient way to serve your partner if their in another country? he's worried it isn't.

And yes agreed it is a shame that we haven't done much until recently. Unfortunately for most of my life its been easier for him (for most of my family) to simply give her what she wants. There's no boundary she won't cross and she's done huge amounts of damage to our lives, careers and reputations when she's been mad. It seems, finally, we can try to end that chapter and start fresh.
 

Atticus

Well-Known Member
6 February 2019
1,827
259
2,394
His issue is that she's not giving him her address and just asking for stuff to be sent to her brothers
As in Correspondence be sent to brothers?

Your dad would need to apply for substitution of service to the brother (if the court is satisfied with that), otherwise, dispensation of service.... Link below for information.
Are you having trouble serving your divorce application - Federal Circuit Court of Australia

Does he have any life insurance? ..... As they are still married, he should talk to them about ensuring she can't claim it on his passing if he has.