NSW Possible to Get Sole Custody of Children?

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Trying2bfair

Well-Known Member
19 February 2016
27
1
124
My ex left last year to live in NZ. We have no custody of children orders or a parenting plan in place. I have our LO 100% of the time.

Ex is overdue on child support. He Skypes LO every 1.5 weeks to 2 weeks for 15min, he never makes contact with me to ask any questions about LO at all. He did come out for a week to visit but he saw him for three hours each day and stayed in accommodation over 2 hours away so he could actually just be closer to friends and party, on the whole he really isn't overly involved.

Basically I just want sole custody so I can just get on with raising our 4-year-old without every having to get his approval for anything. I basically do that anyway but as he gets older, things become more official, like enroling him for school and traveling to certain countries that require official documentation that I can take him out of the country on my own.

I don't want to cut off dad's contact or do anything to affect the limited relationship they have, which was his choosing - he has the exact access he asked for.

I know if I file, he will immediately go on the defensive as that's what he does. His family will become overly involved and demand he fight for that to not happen, because basically he is only involved due to his family insistence, etc and if I talk to him about all of this, he will probably agree but his family will basically spend a week in his ear and then he no longer agrees with anything that we had discussed and we and up at square one again!

I guess I just want some help if there is a way to provide my LO and I with more security and also just let me get on with life without having to ask his father for anything.
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
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Not without either dad's consent or a parenting order made by the Court. Either way you look at it, dad's going to be involved.

You're on a good wicket. Why upset the apple cart over things that might not be an issue anyway?
 

Trying2bfair

Well-Known Member
19 February 2016
27
1
124
Not without either dad's consent or a parenting order made by the Court. Either way you look at it, dad's going to be involved.

You're on a good wicket. Why upset the apple cart over things that might not be an issue anyway?

I figured that would be the answer, and you are right, I guess I always feel like he is going to turn around one day and suddenly want to be a parent and make my life hard because of a decision I have made or will be making in the near future.

It's hard to know with him what he will do, he swings from I want to be involved when the family are pressuring him to nothing!

I also plan on relocating in the next few years to another state and I'm worried he will suddenly choose that time to relocate back and block me from doing our move, but again he might not!

I guess I feel like I have a false sense of being able to make decisions that at any point can be shutdown from an uninvolved party, and the fact that I have to ask him to approve schools and travel etc just makes me mad, he dragged his feet for months last year on the form to travel for our holiday, and he has already said he won't sign for him to be enroled at the school we originally picked together when he was involved.

Do you think if he tries to block my move from one state to another I would have a good chance of approval to move due to his previous choice of living in a different country?

I don't want him to not have a relationship with his son but also don't think I should have to risk the life I've planned for me and our son falling down due to him since he checked out of being a parent over 2 years ago, he is the type to waltz back in and think its his right , which technically it is! I just feel this impending sense of doom!

I'm going to wait it out, thanks for your help, if you can shed any light on a potential to relocated should he pop back in to parent in a few years I'm all ears on help for that!

Thanks again!
 

AllForHer

Well-Known Member
23 July 2014
3,664
682
2,894
I highly doubt you're going to have any issues moving interstate.

First, there's no orders in place, which means parents can do as they please when it comes to their kids. The Court only adjudicates if a parent asks it to, but until then, there is no legislation about what you can and can't do as a parent. In short, you don't need permission from the Court to relocate at this point.

Second, if dad were to ask the Court to adjudicate about your relocation, he would have to somehow persuade the Court that your relocation isn't in the best interests of the child, presumably because it significantly impacts the child's capacity to have a relationship with him. It's already quite difficult to persuade the Court to violate a person's right to freedom of movement, and the Court isn't about to order you back to a town, or even a state where dad isn't living anyway. Phone calls can be made to and from anywhere, after all.

This isn't legal advice, but if it were me, I'd advise dad that you'll be moving, you'll advise him of your new address and contact number once known, and you are happy to make arrangements for him to see the child whenever he's back in the country.

Nearly all schools allow a parent to enrol a child without the other parent's signature, but it would be prudent to provide dad's contact information so they can keep him updated on the child's progress.

The only real challenge will be getting the child a passport, but maybe dad will benefit from that, too - after all, the child's going to need a passport if dad wants him to visit in NZ.
 

Trying2bfair

Well-Known Member
19 February 2016
27
1
124
I highly doubt you're going to have any issues moving interstate.

First, there's no orders in place, which means parents can do as they please when it comes to their kids. The Court only adjudicates if a parent asks it to, but until then, there is no legislation about what you can and can't do as a parent. In short, you don't need permission from the Court to relocate at this point.

Second, if dad were to ask the Court to adjudicate about your relocation, he would have to somehow persuade the Court that your relocation isn't in the best interests of the child, presumably because it significantly impacts the child's capacity to have a relationship with him.

It's already quite difficult to persuade the Court to violate a person's right to freedom of movement, and the Court isn't about to order you back to a town, or even a state where dad isn't living anyway. Phone calls can be made to and from anywhere, after all.

This isn't legal advice, but if it were me, I'd advise dad that you'll be moving, you'll advise him of your new address and contact number once known, and you are happy to make arrangements for him to see the child whenever he's back in the country.

Nearly all schools allow a parent to enrol a child without the other parent's signature, but it would be prudent to provide dad's contact information so they can keep him updated on the child's progress.

The only real challenge will be getting the child a passport, but maybe dad will benefit from that, too - after all, the child's going to need a passport if dad wants him to visit in NZ.

Well bonus is we already have the passport! I took LO over to visit his family when he was 6 months old, so he willing approved that, any holiday approvals after that have been a nightmare! Luckily it was only last years trip that required notarized agreements, plus side LO has my last name so people tend to not question our movements so much!

And just on the moving, I'm just worried that he relocates back to our current state before I can move to the new state, I don't know if that would happen, I think the possibility is slim, but honestly its a fear I have.

I worry if I inform him too soon about the potential move it could poke the bear, I think I will just sit on it for awhile longer.

I'm probably worrying about nothing but he was gone my whole pregnancy and reappeared in our life when our LO was five months and then from around 18months onwards disengaged and abandoned being an actual parent. I can see him repeating parents again and again and that scares me he turns our life upside down and our LO cries every night because daddy doesn't like him! Breaks my heart!