NSW Apply for New Family Court Orders?

[Bec576]

Hello,

This is my first time in this forum. I have family court orders of equal custody for 11 years now and I never received the right amount of child support, just $ 3 a month for 2 years and stopped completely.

I asked the child support agency for help as they said he is not working and live on gov't allowance. He also never got involved in any of the child's school or medical needs.

Recently, my child feels too upset with his verbal abuse over the phone on their daily phone call about his activity with his current partner. His partner is not around but living abroad and for the last 3 months, my child got so upset with all his stories with too much details for children, but he didn't get it. If it's too much to talk to a young child, even if the court order mentioned a daily call for one hour, he never used to call daily before, just because he wants to share his new love adventure with a young child who never asked or wanted to hear.

I'm too scared to speak up because he is on medication for his mental illness. I already sought help but I'm not sure what the chance of getting full custody of children are as I never get any support from him and he is so abusive to our child.

I also will get free one-time legal advice soon. What should I prepare to support a new court order application?

Thanks for any help.

 

[AllForHer]

What you've listed here as 'verbal abuse' is not abuse by Family Court standards, so chance of getting full custody? None.

 

[Bec576]

Thanks AllForHer for your reply,

 

[AllForHer]

Apologies if that seems blunt. Even if the father was calling the child names on the phone, I would probably say the same. It's near on impossible to get sole custody of a child because the legislation heavily favours children having both parents involved in their lives.

 

[Bec576]

Now the child doesn't want to spend time with the father and the child psychologist will be helping us, because other issues were also involved.

I'm not really clear until I meet the legal advisor. I hope the result will be in the best interest of the child.

 

[AllForHer]

The opinion of a child psychologist won't be given weight unless he/she speaks with both parents as part of the process.

Be careful, as well. Kids say what they think their parents want to hear, so a Court will want to know if that's what your daughter is doing and why.

Finally, if you have orders, the child doesn't get to decide whether she sees dad or not. The Court doesn't accept "the child didn't want to" as a reasonable excuse for withholding the child's time with the other parent.

How often does the child see the father?

 

[Bec576]

Hi AllForHer,

The court order mentioned that for every fortnight, for two nights and other holidays like Christmas and school holiday, the child is to live with the mother. We usually get along with arrangement for alternative time as we both signed the court order, but now, for almost one school term, the father has just seen her twice because he has other health problems.

He's never there for any day activity for the child and the child is going to high school next year. He's never come to support the child, even when we asked him politely to get more involved with the child's school and medical appointments. He said he won't wake up until the school time finishes because he was up all night. He didn't take any advice but is taking more medications.He quit his job when we separated almost 11 years ago and never worked since.

I never stop him to see or meet the child and I'm not saying he is a bad father but he is on a lot of medications for his problems. For many months now, the way he was talking on the phone to the child, it's just not like him.

The child got very upset from this daily phone call (never like this before).I'm not sure what will happen next with the mediation. I also sent him an email in a respectful way about his phone conversation with the child, no reply from him.

Thank you for your reply.

 

[AllForHer]

As far as family law goes, none of the complaints you've raised really suggest an order for sole custody is what's best for the child. To the contrary, if dad still talks to the child every day and still spends time with her, then he's considered an involved parent, even if the level of involvement is not quite up to the standard you expect or prefer.

Considering this is the first time something like this has occurred in eleven years since the orders were made, I think there should be some level of leniency around this issue. After all, isn't it more sensible for dad to place the child in your care when he's experiencing medical issues than to place the child with someone else?

 

[Bec576]

I have to meet the Legal Aid and they said there is nothing they really can do until he accepts the meeting when he has returned here and that it is all up to him to agree with mediation or not, or go to court.

Because of this phone call matter, which he doesn't like to talk to her about except only on FB, with giving her too much info about his current activity, a topic in which the child has no interest it in.

Can a father push a child talk to a stranger he met online recently and never met in person? Our child must become a friend to the new online girlfriend's family by talking to them and he refused to accept no for an answer. This happened at my house where my older children (young adult) from another partner were around but they couldn't stop him. I was at the doctor's and he came wanting to see the child before he went away to see his new GF and he kept saying his new GF is the best woman he ever met to the child.

He was on the phone with his new GF talking nonstop while he was at my house and chased the child to talk to her because she refused. He got so angry so the child just said hello and he left my house unhappy. I don't worry about what he said about his new online GF as long as he doesn't hurt the child's feelings.

I'm here because I don't know what is the best way to make him think what not to say to a child about his online dating details. He can say anything to his friends or family but not to a child. He also shared full details about our child to the new GF's family including the child's full of school details and photos. He said it's ok for him to do that, and anything I said to him about school or child, even when our child was admitted to the hospital. He will pass on the details to his new online GF and the only support I get were from my older children and my ex partner was busy online to give his new gf all the details about our child health problems.

He didn't come to visit his child in the hospital, even though I kept contact from the day she was admitted until we went home because he was busy chatting with his new GF and he said he didn't sleep till daylight. He told me clearly about it. It all just recently happened and he is gone. I'm not sure when he will return.

I didn't stop him to remind him to call the child on phone, but he is demanding the child to use Facebook for the free call and she is still underaged and I disagree with faking her age and have her own FB account.

Also all our phone numbers are never switched off when he calls, as printed in the court orders, but he didn't make any calls. Sometimes she calls her dad, too.

Thank you for any support.

 

[AllForHer]

Okay, I'm going to be blunt, and I apologise in advance because I don't think you're going to like what I have to say about this.

The following issues are outside of your control:

1. What dad chooses to talk to the child about during his phone calls with her;
2. What dad chooses to talk to his new girlfriend about; and
3. Anything that relates, either directly or indirectly to the new girlfriend.

For what I can tell, most of your complaints are centred on the consequences of dad meeting a new girlfriend, but unfortunately, who dad chooses to introduce to the child or what dad chooses to talk to the child about is not something over which you have any control, and framing this situation as though it poses a risk to the child is placing you on a very expensive and difficult path to a lot of disappointment - my thinking is that no Court in this country is going to agree that a father telling his daughter about a potential new partner (who the child has not even met yet) constitutes a risk, such that it would be in the child's best interests not to have a relationship with her father any further.

I strongly urge you to have some perspective about this situation, and ensure you're not confusing your own feelings with what's best for the child.