NSW Negotiation with ex's lawyers? Self representation

[Atticus]

The notice of risk, sole parental responsibility & supervised visits only in orders sought was fairly predictable given that your daughter was named as a protected person on the IVO.... The amount of affidavit material is probably a reflection of that ( each allegation on the NOR has to be covered in affidavit) plus an affidavit to support her orders sought etc..

Wouldn't be overly phased by it. These are just allegations & as upsetting as they may be to read, don't let them get you disheartened is my advice.... Just remind yourself that the system, although slow, is on your side.... The courts number one priority is to make sure the child's right to a meaningful relationship with each parent is realised... If she wants to argue that it's not in the child's best interests for that to happen because of blah blah, then she will need a lot more than just her words on a piece of paper when things start to get real...

As for your airport watch-list application, there is no need to have a long affidavit if the facts are simple ..... You just need to explain why you believe she is a risk of removing the child, but to be honest, there is the very real possibility that OS travel is going to be very restricted & prohibitively expensive for some time to come at the moment, so wouldn't stress over it too much...

If at all possible, seriously consider getting some legal assistance when it comes time to attend court conciliation conferences etc... That's when you will need to be prepared & give yourself every opportunity for a favorable outcome rebutting allegations & getting some decent interim orders

 

[adi]

@Atticus, thanks for your response. It means a lot as it was totally devastating and disheartening to read that affidavit. Thanks for advising that I need to consider getting some legal assistance.

 

[Poidah]

Fair better for the affidavit to spell the awful allegations in a black and white manner. Unfortunately it is a very painful process for you which you need to tackle and take onboard. I know once the lawyer letters came, it was much easier to move on and for the rest of the extended family to know how terrible things really are, rather than the veneer of civility and game playing that everyone else seemed to have.

You had another thread that developed your back story more, and was helpful in understanding your situation better. Attitus, Gunnerzzzz, Jake Matherson are amazing with their advice and I am a newb in the scheme of things - https://www.lawanswers.com.au/threads/need-help-with-recovery-order-related-questions.20826/page-2

Talk about efforts you make, enroll in sports, school activities.
Talk about extended family's involvement in the child.

I am just concerned that you are only focusing on the legal process, and have not realised how important it is to focus on developing the relationship (even without any contact). All these things matter. Yes no contact is awful (most of us have been through that), but trying your best to ensure that the best outcomes for your bub are achieved, despite all the parental alienation and hostility is far more important in the long run. It is easier to be a parent when you have contact, but even without contact, you can still be very meaningfully involved, and can make a big difference. Taking out all stops to make sure that your child doing well takes awhile to appreciate, and showing all that is also an important legal strategy.

Personally, I know that now I got the school is emailing and keeping in touch has made a huge difference to me (even though there is barely any contact or meaningful interaction, adolescence). There is more to the parental relationship than the "live" contact with the child. Every thing that contributes to the child's life matters. Their interest, their education, their opportunities, their social life, extended family, friends all matter in the long run etc. Just focusing your regular contact and your legal world can be seen as a disservice to bub in the long run. I know it took a very long time to accept all this and regular appointments with a clinical child psychologist made a huge difference. Knowing that even the professionals struggle with parenting was a massive relief. There are also a lot of services out there, Mensline, Parentline, Relationship Australia, your local charities Centacare, UnitingCare etc have tons of free sessions or massively subsidised. Up north here, we have the Triple P parenting program which was really helpful for me (though my other half thought it was a waste of time). Anything to help us cope right? Anything to help improve perspective, rather than just the awful awful pain of having no 1-on-1 contact and the constant hammering from the legal process.

 

[Atticus]

Thanks for advising that I need to consider getting some legal assistance.

Further to that. It would be a good idea to seek that assistance well in advance of your first court date to give that person time enough to go over the respondents affidavits & ask you any pertinent questions so as to be prepared to rebut the accusations ....

Also, regarding your concerns of her fleeing OS..... When interim orders are made, like final orders, they invoke certain obligations on the parents pertaining to travel outside Australia, namely that there must be an agreement in writing, & signed by the other parent... In addition to that, if you genuinely fear she is a flight risk with your daughter, you could ask that the family court hold the child's passport pending either a final order, or an order to allow her name to be placed on the AFP airport watch list

 

[adi]

@Atticus , you have been very helpful, thank you. I have started reaching out to solicitors to see who can do a mix of me self representing and they helping on an ongoing basis.

I have prepared affidavit for family watchlist and applying that as application in case. I want my daughter to have the ability to travel as she might want to go out with friends etc as she grows up so I am requesting a consent based order where both parents have to give written consent.

However, my ex's solictor is seeking removal of my signature requirements for even obtaining my daughter's passport and for travel they are seeking 4 weeks written notice with return dates, thats all, no consent, in their orders. Does court easily remove such rights from me based on notice of risk etc?

 

[adi]

@Poidah, thanks a lot. After the affidavit was filed, I as too devastated to read the allegations. I reached out to men's helpline. I am using medicare to have psychologist appointments. Whats the difference between a normal a clinical child psychologist? I would do whatever it takes to keep my daughter at the centre of my decision making in this high conflict situation where my emotions might be impacted and any help to reign on it will be so helpful.

I am on waiting list of "parenting after separation" course from relationships Australia. I am taking this initiative on my own. Will court see this as me accepting that I am abusive and hence I am seeking out help or will it see in positive light? I am worried about this.

I will also look up local charities Centacare, UnitingCare, etc.

This forum has been so helpful for me to cope up. When I read those allegations, I feel is this me they are taking about and my ex has got my diary notes on what happened in say 2018 etc and using that as evidence. Also, there is a letter from my supposed daughter's diary and school work where she mentions along lines I hate some people... and she is scared etc... Papa kicked mommy out of home, etc. Which are really not true. Me and my ex after she moved out for nearly 1 year have gone out for lunch, hikes, dinners, movies. In affidavit she mentions she was compelled because of my anger issues, etc to counter these things I mentioned in my affidavit.

 

[Poidah]

@PoidahWhen I read those allegations, I feel is this me they are taking about and my ex has got my diary notes on what happened in say 2018 etc and using that as evidence. Also, there is a letter from my supposed daughter's diary and school work where she mentions along lines I hate some people... and she is scared etc... Papa kicked mommy out of home, etc. Which are really not true.

Well done being proactive, and hopefully once you get a couple of appointments under your belt, you will feel more able to cope with this very difficult situation. You are not alone unfortunately.
False allegations are depressingly common. The more the ex focuses on those things though, the more obvious to everyone how vindictive it all is. Socialisation, education, nutrition, choice etc etc is far more important to the child over time than vengeance on the ex. Just try to focus on developing more options and opportunities that you are keen for her, and show how sad you are that you are unable to achieve a good working parenting relationship. Show all the things that you are trying to do to improve it all. Show the consequences of this difficult parenting relationship resulting in information restriction, poor decision making, reduced opportunities and experience for the child etc.

 

[Atticus]

I want my daughter to have the ability to travel as she might want to go out with friends etc as she grows up so I am requesting a consent based order where both parents have to give written consent.

A couple of points ..... If you are granted an order to place her name on the AFP airport watch list, it can be problematic to have it removed unless it is time limited... Secondly Section 65Y of the family law act creates an obligation to receive in writing permission for a child to travel OS .... Just saying, have a talk to your lawyer how best to achieve what you want... I think you could save yourself some money & an application by just ensuring that S65Y is highlighted in interim & final orders...

ex's solictor is seeking removal of my signature requirements for even obtaining my daughter's passport and for travel they are seeking 4 weeks written notice with return dates, thats all, no consent, in their orders. Does court easily remove such rights from me based on notice of risk etc?

Not easily, although the default position of joint parental responsibilty can be disregarded in cases where the court IS SATISFIED, that family violence has occurred.. Another resaon why it's important to have some good legal assistance at your side when these allegations on the NOR need to be addressed

 

[adi]

A couple of points ..... If you are granted an order to place her name on the AFP airport watch list, it can be problematic to have it removed unless it is time limited... Secondly Section 65Y of the family law act creates an obligation to receive in writing permission for a child to travel OS .... Just saying, have a talk to your lawyer how best to achieve what you want... I think you could save yourself some money & an application by just ensuring that S65Y is highlighted in interim & final orders...

I feel if my decides to ex fly out, she wont be bothered about obligations here in Aus. We are not Australians still. Hence applying for watchlist.

I spoke to a solicitor now, I am confused. She said my ex cant file a 46 page document as affidavit and annexure and she needs judge's permission to go over 10 page affidavit + 5 page annexure limit. Also, judge mostly will ask her to choose which 10 pages she wants to be used. My ex has solicitor, how come they make such blatant error is what confuses me. Also, when I uploaded a affidavit and it was over page limit, my document was not accepted and I got email but I can see my ex's affidavit in courts web portal, hence the doubt.

To review my ex's 46 page allegations and give informal advice, solicitor's cost is 2,500

 

[adi]

@Atticus , @sammy01 , @Poidah what other steps I can take to show I am more concerned about my daughter. I am speaking to Men's helpline, have started seeking psychologist help, have put myself in the waitlist for parenting after separation course in Relationships Australia, I have sent a letter to my daughter via Aus Post (hope my ex atleast gives here this letter), talking to school's principal and she has agreed for me to speak to my daughter's teacher on [Redacted by Moderator] progress at school. I want to do everything possible to ensure I put my daughter at the centre of decision making.

Your feedback will help me, thanks.