QLD Mediation Failed - What to Do Next?

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nat 2015

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8 February 2017
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OK, so we had mediation with Legal Aid on Friday and it failed. Now I was only funded for 1 session. What happens next as I am a little confused. My lawyer told me that they will speak to each other now and hash it out.

I want to avoid family court all together but my ex doesn't. I am also concerned about our boys, as he has stated they want to stay with him, but I feel this is not the case at all - they are 13 and 14.

My lawyer's words were he can't control them forever but he also wants consent orders signed up until they are 18.

Please help
 

sammy01

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27 September 2015
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What time do you want for them to spend with dad? What time does he want?

Consent orders up to 18 is the norm.


Why not do 50/50?
 

nat 2015

Well-Known Member
8 February 2017
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It's not what I want - it's what my children want and they should have a voice in this they want it to go back to every 2nd weekend. I already have had one of them run away from him twice.

I had voiced my concerns and that off them with him and he just tells me to f off, so if consent orders are up until they are 18.

How does that work if they want to leave and refuse to go back?
 

sammy01

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27 September 2015
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Consent orders expire at 18. So one parent can't say - kids are now XX years old and they can do what they want... So if you have consent orders / court orders you can apply to have them updated... So my kids are very young. Down the track they might get convinced by their devilish mother to go live with her.

At 12 yrs of age, a court will consider their opinion. As they get older their opinion will have more weight.

So if this goes to court and the kids express their opinion, it will be given considerable weight given the age of the kids unless - upon investigation, it is found that you /him have been coercing the kids and trying to manipulate them... Be warned
 

nat 2015

Well-Known Member
8 February 2017
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There has been no convincing if that's what your implying here, especially from my side and you can't say to me that mothers could be the only ones who act "devilish".

I am happy to give him 50/50 but I want to include the children in on this decision as well or at least have there voice heard!
 

AllForHer

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23 July 2014
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First, a tip in good conduct: not everyone is going to say what you want to hear. Learn to deal with it graciously, because if you speak to the judge with a tone that indicates the use of four exclamation points, it's going to hurt your credibility and your case. Further, it's important to learn how to take things with a grain of salt, instead of jumping straight on the defensive, because the judges in parenting matters are quite often as harsh as they are unforgiving, and I've never found them to be particularly tolerant of petulance.

So, mediation failed because you and your ex couldn't reach agreement. For most parents in this situation, the next step is to file an initiating application with the Court for parenting orders.

Whether you, he, or neither files an initiating application, negotiation can continue outside of mediation (and this is most likely what your lawyers will be referring to when they say they'll 'hash it out' - they mean they'll continue negotiating with the goal of getting you and your ex to agreement). Only 5% of cases initiated actually result in orders made following trial; the other 95% settle by consent either before, or on the day of trial.

There are lots and lots posts on this forum about the Court process, what the Court takes into consideration when determining parenting orders, etc, so I strongly suggest having a read through some of the older threads. I think I've maybe discussed it from time to time on your other threads, as well, so rather than talk about that, I will talk instead about your desire to include the children in the decision at hand.

From memory, you have five kids, one quite a bit younger than the other four, and one now an adult, so no longer subject to parenting orders. I would hope I wouldn't need to state the obvious here, but the youngest isn't in a position to determine what's in her own best interests, so she should excluded from the decision entirely.

The older three who can be affected by parenting orders, however, can have their voices heard in a couple of different ways.

One is that you can try mediation again, but this time seek out a child-inclusive family dispute resolution conference. In these circumstances, the kids will speak to a child specialist about their wishes, and that will then be communicated to you and their father ahead of a mediation session, so that you can take their views, as communicated to an objective third party (which is usually with whom they are most honest) into consideration when discussing a possible care arrangement.

Alternatively, if this proceeds to Court, the Court will most likely order the parties to undertake a family report, which is where a specialist interviews and observes the parents and the children to ascertain their views about what they want from the care arrangements. This is then communicated to the Court (and to the parties) in a report, along with the specialist's assessment of the situation, and their recommendations. This is the only real method the Court will accept as a way to learn what the kids' wishes are, as a consideration of children's best interests under s 60CC of the Family Law Act, because it is the most unbiased method.

Try and remember that your ex's position is just as valid as your own, and there is every likelihood in the world that the kids have, indeed, told him that they want to live with him, just as they may have told you the same thing. It's unwise, therefore, to argue that you know the kids' "real" feelings and that your ex doesn't, because is probably arguing the same thing.
 

nat 2015

Well-Known Member
8 February 2017
162
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I know my children well, otherwise I wouldn't be fighting for them and fighting for what's in there best interests. When your children tell you they hide under the blanket when dad comes home cause there scared his angry again.

When your son tells you he feels lonely at his dads and his dad sits in his room with the door shut, and they are left to be cared for by there big sister, I have spoken to him about this and he just tells me to F off and my youngest is still nursing and I intend to do so until she is ready to self wean and I would hope that he can continue to at least be patient to have her overnights etc
 

nat 2015

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8 February 2017
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Do I have to agree to consent orders and what happens if we can't agree on them?
 

sammy01

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27 September 2015
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do you have to agree to consent orders? No - consent means by agreement

If you believe the kids are at risk with dad, don't send them but if that assertion is tested by the courts and if is found not to be true, you will have screwed your case.

Now, I have to tell ya - you're post sounds a bit like you know what is best for your kids and dad does not... Just telling you how it looks at my end... And just so you know, what my end looks like.

I'm a dad with 3 kids who live mostly with me... My ex wife accused me of being an alcoholic, violent and incapable of looking after the kids... But the kids live with me, so what would I know?
 

nat 2015

Well-Known Member
8 February 2017
162
5
419
ok now i am having allegations of abuse thrown at me from my oldest who is 20 from my ex husband he informed me today you just wait till she goes to counselling next week the truth will come out ,i don't know how much more i can take of this, look my ex has accused me of all sorts of things, i just want things sorted out asap