QLD Father Doing Drugs - What to Do?

[ConcernedMumma]

I need some help in what direction I should take.

I have current consent orders for our 2 children. They reside with me. They visit their father every second weekend and he has the option to have them for up to 6 weeks total throughout the years school holidays.

Friday just gone, my kids were supposed to go to their father's. On Friday morning, my son (13) revealed to me that his father was smoking drugs in front of him on their last weekend visit. Someone came to the door, so we cut the conversation short and my son left for school.

A couple of hours later, I had a phone call from the school from my son's teacher. She told me he was really stressing out and upset about it. He had told the teacher about the drugs and said to her he felt unsafe going to see his father.

I picked him up early so we could finish our talk. He broke down in tears and told me that his father tried to get him to smoke drugs with him and he's scared about going back. He got to the point where he was hyperventilating about having to go, begging to stay with me and about the possibility of his father finding out he told me because "Dad said he'll flog me if I tell anyone".

So yes, I breached the orders and did not send my children this weekend. He is also in breach of our consent orders by being under the influence of an illicit substance while having care of our children.

I know two wrongs don't make a right but I felt I have a reasonable excuse for the decision I made. I'm just unsure on where to go from here. I've contacted our local youth hub and made an appointment for this week to get my son in for some more counselling.

I do not believe legal aid will help me as there is not a dispute between the two parties about care. I applied for legal aid about a year ago in regards to concerns brought up by my son, about his safety, and they denied me help so I commenced mediation instead.

I will go and see the lawyer (and pay) that legal aid originally appointed me when first getting court orders put in place. However it will be a couple of weeks before I can afford to see her and I can't just sit here and do nothing in the mean time.

Thank you if you managed to get to the end, I know it was long. I just want to do the right thing by my children. I don't want to stop them from seeing their father but I don't want to place them into a bad situation either.

Any suggestions on what else I can/should do?

 

[sammy01]

If you have concerns for the wellbeing of the kids, then you have an obligation not to send them.

You should email the ex - tell him why the kids are not coming and organise mediation. That way you're being seen to be pro-active in rectifying the orders.

So request mediation - request an undertaking from him that states he will not consume drugs in the presence of the kids. Inform him that without such an undertaking, you will refuse him access and that he can apply to court for redress. So if it goes to court, you can then inform the magistrate - seek new orders that require him to undertake drug screening.

The magistrate might say yep - they might not... No guarantees- remember, on this site we're only getting your side of the story...

 

[ConcernedMumma]

We just finished a mediation process 2 months ago. Will they let me reapply for another so soon?

Also, it already is stipulated in our consent orders that no illicit substances are to be used while the children are in our care. So the mediation would be just to reaffirm what is already in place then?

And if after doing all that and getting their father's signed agreement on no drugs again, if my son reacts again like he just has and refuses/begs me not to to go, what then? Surely I can't drag him kicking and screaming?

I hate all this stuff. I thought my ex and I were finally at a reasonable place where the kids come first and that the kids were happy with the circumstances but this is all going to cause more arguments and fights. All I'm trying to do is the right thing by them.

 

[sammy01]

Ok - so I don't know you... Maybe this is all a ruse just to stop the dad from seeing the kid. Seen plenty of that in my time. See the reason for my skepticism is that it all seems a bit recent since the split and frankly, sometimes kids say stuff and sometimes kids run with it...

Story time - I had an AVO against me. I wasn't allowed to drink alcohol while with the kids. I get called to the cop shop for a chat. My ex had complained that the kids said I had been drinking and rolling around and falling over.

Yep, completely true. I had been drinking from a can of lemonade. I had been playing on a slip 'n slide in the back yard with the kids, drinking and rolling around and falling over. Guilty your honour. But nothing criminal and no bad parenting - but the ex chose to see it differently. Worth you thinking about.

But I'm gonna assume you're fair dink. So write to the ex - tell him of your concerns. Tell him that if need be, you will not be facilitating time with the kids because you have concerns for their well-being. Make sure it is an email. That way you can establish that you had concerns - you expressed your concerns and if the concerning behaviour continues, you have grounds to follow through with your threat to stop him seeing the kid. And if he has a problem with it, he can take you to court.

But realise this - be careful. If it goes to court and he is asked to pee in a jar and it comes back clean - How do you look then?

 

[ConcernedMumma]

Thank you Sammy for the help. I appreciate it all the more how impartial it is.

I strongly believe that it's not my son just acting out as his father and I broke up in 2008 so it's definitely not a recent thing. During our relationship he had been a heavy user.

In saying that though, your last comment did make me stop to think. You are right, kids can tell stories or half truths or what they think happened from their perspective and if his results did come back clean that would be negative against me.

So before I go any further I will have another good chat to my son about it all and what happened again to be sure. But if I still feel that this is truth after our chat, then I have to do something. If I/he is wrong then I will just have to cop that but at least I'll know that I did what I needed to do to try and protect my children.

Thank you again