QLD Legal Aid Representation for Uncooperative Mothers?

[JadeGoldCoast]

Hey guys, thanks for your replies. We have felt for a long time the mother has quite a severe personality disorder and is extremely volitile (no issues with depression)... We haven't raised concerns as we have no proof and don't want to look like we are as bad as the mother by bad mouthing her. But now we are wondering if her records would prove she has been treated for some kind of a personality disorder. To be honest, the mother's own words have been quoted throughout the report (nothing from my partner has been quoted as such) and I feel the reporter may be highlighting how the mother's views and comments seem unusual.

We are not saying that the mother should loose time with the child, but feel family counselling for example could help benefit the child and her relationship. She gets the child in trouble at changeover for being upset at leaving his dad, the child has made comments that he hates his mum and hates her house (yes he is only 4 but we feel uneasy that a child so young would be making comments like this when he spends more time with her than us). And if the new specialist reports are a true representation of the child in her care then he appears to be closing himself off when around the mother/her family and not communicating.

But as this first report has shown, the child is very talkative and confident when around the father. If these aren't concerns that would be taken friendly by the courts we don't want to say anything that would be viewed negatively against my partner.

In regards to the court order to stop the mother from denigrating the father or the paternal grandmother, we think this is a great idea. The paternal grandmother was notified today that the mother has contacted the head office of our hospital that is based in Melbourne by letter, informing them of the undertaking and temporary protection order (hasn't left her name but no one else would have access to this paperwork).

Stating an undertaking is as binding as a court order etc (we obviously know this not to be true but others within the company would not be aware). We plan to take this paperwork with us to the hearing on Friday and ask for an order to stop the mother from bad mouthing my partner and paternal grandmother to employers/specialists etc.

Out of curiosity, does anyone know how the court would view a mother driving unlicenced? At changeover we noticed the mother for the first time was displaying a red P plate on her car (means you are in your first year of having your licence). The mother has been driving with the child since birth and my partner has had to stop her from driving on oxycontin with the child in the past. Just picking brains here.

 

[Lennon]

Is it possible that the P's are there because someone else has been driving the car? If not, I think the court would be very unimpressed by a parent driving their child around without a licence.

 

[AllForHer]

Look, I think you are still focusing too much on damaging the mother's case and not enough on advancing your own.

Remember what your goal is.

It's not residency.

It's not relocation.

It's just to spend more time with the kid.

You need to shape your evidence to support that goal. No others.

Let's say mum is apparently suffering a personality disorder.

What purpose does it serve to prove that? You aren't arguing that her personality disorder means mum poses an unacceptable risk of harm to the child, so how does it help you get more time with the kid?

Correct answer: it doesn't.

If the report writer has raised those concerns about the mother, let the report tell the Court that. If the report writer has recommended counselling, let the report tell the Court that.

You don't need to beef up the family report with your own observations and concerns. Your evidence only needs to support your goal. Nothing more, nothing less.

Now, paternal grandmother.

The contact with her workplace is worrying. It's very much intimidating behaviour and almost certainly grounds for a DVO against the mother...

 

[JadeGoldCoast]

In regards to the P plate my partner suggested the same; that maybe a friend had been using the car. So we will keep an eye out at future change overs.

We haven't asked for residency purely because we feel a child should have a relationship with both parents and because all legal advice informed us we didn't have evidence to apply for it. We will take as much time with the child as the court feels is in the best interests for the child. Hence why we feel it is important to raise our concerns - without damaging our case.
We want to co-parent, we honestly want what is best for the child.

The mother spent two years while my partner was with her telling him/her friends that she was going to decrease in health and that she was suffering from a severe medical illness that would majorly affect her life and cut it short. The mother never had anything diagnosed and has sought opiate medication from over 10 gps in the past 4 years. She is now claiming she suffers from endometriosis and that is why she took this medication, even though she used to say she had Crohns to my partner. She has stated she has had 3 surgeries that required the medication to the court.

We have gone through her medical records and she has gone into hospital for a colonoscopy, gastroscopy and abortion. I work for a colorectal surgeon at a hospital and have never prescribed such medication for a colonoscopy or gastroscopy as they are procedures with a camera, not surgeries. I cannot comment on the abortion but I do not feel taking oxycontin for 4 years is justifiable after an abortion.

The mother has always been obsessed that she is ill and from her records has been tested for everything that she could. To our knowledge no doctor has ever found anything wrong with the mother. The mother is stating the child is now coeliac, lactose, has eczema and is autistic. We have never seen any symptoms and the diagnosing doctor has told us she has never seen the symptoms for herself (other than psychologist who stands that the child doesn't know to communicate).

The mother recently took the child to the hospital stating he was throwing up and had severe diarrhea, but the hospital could not find anything wrong with the child and sent her home.

I'm not sure if anyone has heard of fictitious disorder? We have been concerned that the mother has had this for a while. But we are now concerned that she is imposing this on the child 'fictatious disorder imposed on another'. I know this sounds crazy, and anyone we talk to thinks it is bizarre.

We just want a professional to tell us that the way the mother acts and treats the child is ok... because we are concerned it is going to negatively impact on his life and is already starting to.

We also do not know how to advance our own case anymore than telling the truth. We try to nurture the child, socialise him, educate him, care for his needs. The child has screamed when going back to his mother's care for over a year and we just want to know we are doing what is best for him in the long run.

 

[AllForHer]

So, this kid is screaming to high heavens at every changeover, and it's apparently so bad that dad wants mum assessed so he knows this kid isn't being abused.

Had anybody ever actually taken the actual child himself to speak to a child psychologist?

 

[JadeGoldCoast]

We have wanted to take the child to see a psychologist for the past year, but with only seeing the child on weekends (or last minute through the week when suited mum) booking an appointment wasn't possible. Also the mother doesn’t allow my partner to have a say on anything to do with the bringing up of the child. She doesn’t accept concerns about the child or his health and replies with threats to withhold the chid. So my partner has trodden lightly.

We spoke to lawyers on 3 separate occasions who informed us we had to wait until the child was 4 or until mother withheld child from us again before we could do anything through the courts.

The last lawyer informed us that the family report would be when the courts consider mental health issues after we expressed our concerns to her. I have spoken with child safety about our concerns (no complaint, purely for advice) who informed us they are aware of the illness but it's practically impossible for them to help as mothers who behave like this generally seek medical help from all different doctors, so it is hard for them to trace and they get involved with immediate danger cases, and basically that going to court to discuss our concerns was the best move forward.

We have felt very lost and really had no idea how to deal with the situation.

Maybe it is best to just be honest through this whole case and see if someone else expresses our concerns? Friday will be very telling as the mother seems to communicate quite strangely and seeing how she interacts with the judge and replies to his comments will give us an idea of what to expect I guess.

At the family report we will express our concerns and how we want to support the child and mother and see what they think. At least we will know we have tried our best for the child.

 

[JadeGoldCoast]

A quick update. Court went well last Friday. We have been assigned an ICL and the judge passed I think all of our requested orders (the mother hadn't agreed to a single one and our duty lawyer advised her to seek legal advice). We were a little disappointed as the judge has ordered that we continue 5 hours a week until my partner can provide a hair follicle test (need to wait for his hair to be long enough but hoping it won't be too long), and then we go to 1 night a fortnight from Sat to Sun. Again we were a little disappointed as the report had suggested fortnightly weekends. Fingers crossed at the next date in June we get full weekends.

We are also booked in to see the child's pediatrician next month, so will see what his opinion is on asking for more time and whether he believes this could affect the child negatively. If not, then we will request him to write a letter that we can use in court as the social worker said in her report that the child's new diagnosis would need to be looked into before shared time could commence.

The judge wasn't interested in the mother's reports of abuse at all (which was a relief) and got even angrier in court as the mother stated there is physical abuse against the child (but hasn't supplied any evidence of such), so we will await a new affidavit that shows photos i'm sure of this supposed abuse. To say the judge made an example of her for recording her interview would be an understatement, I don't think she will be doing that again.

 

[AllForHer]

What orders did you end up seeking? Is mum paying for the hair follicle test?

 

[JadeGoldCoast]

Dad has to pay for a hair follicle test as mum already got her own hair follicle test to prove she was clean of prescription drugs (not sure if that really goes in her favour if she is showing she doesn't need them all of a sudden now). I stupidly didn't take a photo of the written orders from the duty lawyer, but from memory it was to the effect of:

- 2 nights a fortnight with father

- one call a week, in privacy and guaranteed, so if mother doesn't answer call for some reason then it is on mother to ensure the child speaks with the father another day

- mother to stop contact with paternal grandfather

- mother to inform father of her phone number for emergency

- parents to correspond via email

- mother to inform father of specialist appointments

- father to attend specialist appointments
- no denigration in front of child or to third parties such as employers or medical practitioners

- changeover to stay at police station

- request for ICL

The judge kind of brushed over them but said he would agree to them, so kind of waiting for the orders to arrive so we can be sure if all were granted.

 

[Lennon]

Sorry that this is a little OT, but doesn't your partner have hair anywhere that would be long enough for a follicle test? Under arm or on his chest or something?