WA Going to Family Court as a Father?

[father_of_one]

Hello all,

I've just found this forum while googling family law. I've joined up with the hope of getting some answers and maybe a bit of confidence going forward.

I'll try to keep things brief but I'll explain my situation nonetheless.

I'm a father to a 9-year-old daughter who has been a big part of my life until recently. Firstly my daughter's mother is an ex girlfriend of mine. We were never married and never lived together, in fact we had already split up before we realised she was pregnant.

Even though we never got back together I have never turned my back on any parental responsibilities since the day our daughter was born. I was at the birth, I cut the cord, I slept on the hospital floor for days to learn and assist with our newborn. I would leave work and rush to my ex's house just to see our little girl and to bath her and burp her etc, etc...

I just wanted to be a dad to her even under the trying situation we found ourselves in. I started having her on my own for over night stays since she was 6 months old, I've always been single since her birth so I never had any help when she was with me, I learned to adapt and do everything that came with taking care of a newborn baby and I did it well.

I saw my daughter several times a week at a bare minimum and once she started school I realised with my current job I was only going to get to see her every second weekend so I found a new job that would allow me to start at 5am and finish at 2pm every second week in time to pick her up from school and spend time together.

We would go camping together on the holidays, go to theme parks in the city, go bike riding, swimming... all the things you are meant to do with your kids... She became my best mate and vice versa, we love spending time together. This was the norm for the first 8 and a bit years of her life until things changed earlier this year.

Her mum was working a job that required her to start early mornings and finish late so it became easier for her mum to arrange for a friend of hers to take care of our daughter during the week,(our daughter didn't know the friend as it was a friend of her mums from the pub she frequents) my daughter would stay at her mum's friends house overnight who would then take her to school and pick her up again and have her overnight again and so on.

Up until this point I was available to pick her up from school every second week because of my work roster which was the whole reason I pursued this job in the first place. Every other week my roster would allow me to have our daughter overnight and get her to school the following morning before I started work. I did this a lot. My daughter ended up staying with her mum's friend's family for nearly 2 months so our then 8yr old daughter was spending a lot of time away from both her parents and she wasn't coping well, she missed her mum and dad.

I could see how sad she was becoming so being a concerned parent I attempted to discuss this with her mum who wouldn't have a bar of it. I told her she wasn't coping well, the friend who was looking after her also said she was coping well but her mum refused to believe it because she's the type of person who only ever looks out for herself, this was convenient for her.

I told her I wasn't happy seeing our daughter so sad and something needed to change, I suggested that if she wasn't prepared to find a more suitable job so she could take care of our daughter then I was prepared to quit my job and take care of her. Well this went down like a lead balloon and her response to that was "yep things are going to change alright and you have yourself to thank for that! she said. "from now on you will see her every second weekend and thats it!" This was her way of doing whatever she wanted without my "interference".

So for the past 8 months this has been the case apart from those times where it was convenient for her if she had something on, then she would call on me to pick her up from school or have her overnight. If I want to see my daughter just because I love her and miss her then the answer is "no, you'll see her next weekend".

I know this isn't what our daughter wants, she misses her dad as much as I miss her.

I sat down with a $550/hr lawyer but she only scared me with the costs of going through family court. She was talking dollars in excess of $60,000 with no guarantees. Obviously this was just another kick in the nuts for me. I have heard many horror stories about fathers getting themselves in massive debt going through the family courts and not getting anywhere, but on the flip side I've also heard of fathers getting more than just seeing their kids every second weekend.

So I guess my question is in regards to the history posted above (sorry it was meant to be brief) what chance would I have if I went to court? Naturally I want to see my daughter more than 4 days a month but I can't afford $60,000 to get nowhere.

Thanks for reading if you got this far. I'm feeling very lost at the moment.

 

[sammy01]

So organise mediation - call relationships Australia. It won't work. But it is the first step.

You can self represent. There are some good folk here who can help with that. So just like it sounds, you represent yourself. Look, very few cases actually get decided by a magistrate. But if that is what it takes, well it is up to you to decide how much you want to push things.

In my experience nothing changes in situations like these until you make them change. So mediation is the first step. It tells her you're not gonna cop the antics around HER telling you the rules. But mediation can't really enforce anything. It is however necessary before you apply to court. So do mediaton, get the certificate to say you tried. Apply to court.

All of a sudden the pressure of court looming might make her play nice. If not, well 6-10 weeks (depending on your location) you can expect the first mention. At that point in time you could possibly expect interim orders and those interim orders are going mean that a magistrate determines when you see your kid, not the ex. That is a win... And might be enough for the mum to realise that she is not longer the boss, the magistrate is...

So you can ask for orders like more time and an order that stipulates that if mum can't supervise the kid, then mum has to give you the first right to refuse the time before mum can ask someone else.

Just checking? so daughter is still spending lots of time with some other people? And do they agree that it would be better for the kid to be with you? Do you get on with these people? Might be better to ask them to consider your perspective, if they are reasonable they might want to help you?

 

[father_of_one]

Thanks for the reply sammy01. Yes I do plan on attempting mediation but I doubt very much that she will be willing to attend. She doesn't like to be challenged, in her mind what she wants she gets and what she says is the end of discussion. I realise it's a necessary step but I fear by initiating mediation it will only anger her and make her more determined to screw me over. I guess I am worried she will take my time with our daughter away from me altogether if I go there, I don't have any other options though. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Thankfully her mum is no longer doing that job so our daughter is spending nights in her own bed again. I'm glad for that.

 

[sammy01]

ok, so I reckon your first step is a nice chat or email to the ex. Just so you know once you have more than 4 nights and half holidays, the ex will lose some family tax benefit money... Often this is a problem. The easiest / cheapest way is to suck it up and agree to not tell centrelink.
If that doesn' work, try mediation.