Trying to keep a long story short..
I left my partner 2.5yrs ago. When we separated I moved close by with a relative to try and co-parent, however this didn’t work, tried counselling and he could not agree to regular days he would have the children, A lot of arguing and an overall toxic environment for the children. I ended up moving away to be close to my parents while I went through divorce as there was a history of verbal abuse and abuse turning physical towards the end.
Where I moved is still in the same state however it’s a flight away. Their dad wasn’t happy of course and I tried to make it work. I paid for flights and sent the children (7 and 5) to be with him for 2 weeks over Xmas holidays, they missed their flight home because their father decided he was keeping them (to spite me) sending me photos of them asleep saying “I hope this hurts” and “you will never see them again”
On New Year’s Eve he sent me pictures of him self harming, I called a family member who called the police and the family member took the children somewhere safe. He was home the next day and got the children back again. The police and solicitor said even though he was not stable, because their was no agreement in place they could not help in the return of the children.
I flew down and took my children back. (I think it was a ploy to get me there.. not really wanting the children full time as he never was a ‘fulltime’ father)
Since then I have arranged mediation (which failed because he wanted to just blame and abuse and not co-operate or compromise at all)
I have constantly emailed him to negotiate with me on how the children can maintain a relationship with him, I said he is welcome here whenever, or the children can visit every school holidays If we were to go halves in flights and sign a consent order stating they will be sent back at the end of each holidays.
He refuses to sign the order and threatens me with lawyers and stating he will get them back for good. Telling the children daddy is coming to get you, and also emailing things like “if I don’t see my kids for years it will all be worth it when they grow to hate you for not seeing me”
I genuinely believe he is a narcissist whom doesn’t actually want the children fulltime, he would just rather blame and hate me ?
All I want is something in place to ensure the kids aren’t kept if they were to ever visit their dad. I want them to have a relationship but I cannot trust to send them to him, with a risk of withholding them to hurt me? I’ve had a consent order drawn up he refuses to sign, I don’t know what more I can do? However, We cannot live with no agreement either? Something must happen.
Part of me is worried about ever sending them as he stays up all night, sleeps half the day and has random friends over drinking / doing drugs a few times a week. However I know I can’t just keep them from him or him from them and I’m just afraid the next time I allow them to see eachother he could do a runner with them and I have nothing to support gaining custody.
Where do I go from here?!
I left my partner 2.5yrs ago. When we separated I moved close by with a relative to try and co-parent, however this didn’t work, tried counselling and he could not agree to regular days he would have the children, A lot of arguing and an overall toxic environment for the children. I ended up moving away to be close to my parents while I went through divorce as there was a history of verbal abuse and abuse turning physical towards the end.
Where I moved is still in the same state however it’s a flight away. Their dad wasn’t happy of course and I tried to make it work. I paid for flights and sent the children (7 and 5) to be with him for 2 weeks over Xmas holidays, they missed their flight home because their father decided he was keeping them (to spite me) sending me photos of them asleep saying “I hope this hurts” and “you will never see them again”
On New Year’s Eve he sent me pictures of him self harming, I called a family member who called the police and the family member took the children somewhere safe. He was home the next day and got the children back again. The police and solicitor said even though he was not stable, because their was no agreement in place they could not help in the return of the children.
I flew down and took my children back. (I think it was a ploy to get me there.. not really wanting the children full time as he never was a ‘fulltime’ father)
Since then I have arranged mediation (which failed because he wanted to just blame and abuse and not co-operate or compromise at all)
I have constantly emailed him to negotiate with me on how the children can maintain a relationship with him, I said he is welcome here whenever, or the children can visit every school holidays If we were to go halves in flights and sign a consent order stating they will be sent back at the end of each holidays.
He refuses to sign the order and threatens me with lawyers and stating he will get them back for good. Telling the children daddy is coming to get you, and also emailing things like “if I don’t see my kids for years it will all be worth it when they grow to hate you for not seeing me”
I genuinely believe he is a narcissist whom doesn’t actually want the children fulltime, he would just rather blame and hate me ?
All I want is something in place to ensure the kids aren’t kept if they were to ever visit their dad. I want them to have a relationship but I cannot trust to send them to him, with a risk of withholding them to hurt me? I’ve had a consent order drawn up he refuses to sign, I don’t know what more I can do? However, We cannot live with no agreement either? Something must happen.
Part of me is worried about ever sending them as he stays up all night, sleeps half the day and has random friends over drinking / doing drugs a few times a week. However I know I can’t just keep them from him or him from them and I’m just afraid the next time I allow them to see eachother he could do a runner with them and I have nothing to support gaining custody.
Where do I go from here?!