NSW Do I Need Permission for Decisions Regarding My Daughter?

[Rick O'Shay]

Hi all,

I have a 6-year-old daughter with no parenting plan. No court orders, just verbal agreements since separation. Agreement made that I would have daughter for 2nd week of holidays commencing tomorrow Friday 29/9.

I advised my ex that I would like my daughter to stay overnight with her pop and my ex said I needed to ask her permission for this. If daughter is in my care and I choose for her to have a sleepover at her pop's isn't that at my discretion since I am the father?

My ex decided that since I wouldn't ask for permission I have forfeited my rights to see my daughter for the entire school holidays.

Please tell me what is wrong here?

 

[Tim W]

What's wrong here is that you don't have Parenting Orders

 

[sammy01]

Your ex is what is wrong here... But I can't fix that and neither can you.

Do you only see the kid in the holidays? How recent is separation?

Temporary solution? Text message...

Dear ex,

Sorry for not asking for your permission. Please be advised that I intend to organise for daughter to sleepover at granddad's house on (insert date). She will be dropt off at XXXX and picked up at XXXX. Is this suitable?

Dear ex,

If this is not suitable then the child will not stay with granddad and she will stay at my house the entire week. Can you please inform me of your preferred arrangements?

Mate, suck it up... Suck hard - you are in the right, she is in the wrong... But what is the point of being in right if it means you don't see your kid?

Next - try to keep communication in writing via text / email. That way you have a paper trail if this ever goes to court....

One more bit of suggestion - stay calm. Learn to pick your battles and right now you are in a position where you have to choose - Be right and not see your kid because you're going to stand on your principles and refuse to let her boss you around or suck it up - learn to say yes dear and get to see your kid... I'd suggest the latter until you get something better sorted through mediation and or solicitors and or courts...

 

[AllForHer]

@Tim W hit the nail on the head - the problem is that you don't have parenting orders, and the solution isn't do what your ex says. The solution is get parenting orders.

While ever you don't have parenting orders, there are no rules about what you or your ex can do in regards to your child. Mum can make demands, but you don't have to oblige them. She can also withhold, and really, so can you, but doing so would be dumb - the Court doesn't look highly on this kind of behaviour, so don't do it. Just follow the proper avenues.

To get out of this cycle in which mum calls the shots to the detriment of your kid, contact Legal Aid or Relationships Australia to organise a family dispute resolution conference so that you and mum can try and negotiate a consent order for care arrangements.

If you can't agree, then you can file for Court, and I would wager that no matter what the outcome from Court, it's probably going to be better than what you're dealing with now.

As a matter of interest, when parenting orders are made, they will usually (that is, in cases where the presumption of equal shared parental responsibility is upheld) order that each parent have responsibility for day to day decisions affecting the child while in their respective care. Day to day decisions are minor decisions - what clothes she wears, what she eats for dinner, and who she sees during that time.

That is, once you have parenting orders, mum can't withhold the kid just because you've said she's sleeping over at her grandparents' place. In fact, there's no need for you to tell the mother what the child is doing or who she is spending time with during her time with you, so don't. It obviously causes totally disproportionate problems, so just don't.

 

[Rick O'Shay]

@Tim W hit the nail on the head - the problem is that you don't have parenting orders, and the solution isn't do what your ex says. The solution is get parenting orders.

While ever you don't have parenting orders, there are no rules about what you or your ex can do in regards to your child. Mum can make demands, but you don't have to oblige them. She can also withhold, and really, so can you, but doing so would be dumb - the Court doesn't look highly on this kind of behaviour, so don't do it. Just follow the proper avenues.

To get out of this cycle in which mum calls the shots to the detriment of your kid, contact Legal Aid or Relationships Australia to organise a family dispute resolution conference so that you and mum can try and negotiate a consent order for care arrangements.

If you can't agree, then you can file for Court, and I would wager that no matter what the outcome from Court, it's probably going to be better than what you're dealing with now.

As a matter of interest, when parenting orders are made, they will usually (that is, in cases where the presumption of equal shared parental responsibility is upheld) order that each parent have responsibility for day to day decisions affecting the child while in their respective care. Day to day decisions are minor decisions - what clothes she wears, what she eats for dinner, and who she sees during that time.

That is, once you have parenting orders, mum can't withhold the kid just because you've said she's sleeping over at her grandparents' place. In fact, there's no need for you to tell the mother what the child is doing or who she is spending time with during her time with you, so don't. It obviously causes totally disproportionate problems, so just don't.

Thank you so much for your help,I have just taken action on it and booked an appointment with Relationships Australia.

I am now wondering what happens if my ex refuses to go to meditation with Relationships Australia?

 

[Lennon]

Good on you Rick. If she refuses to attend then you will be given a certificate that allows you to commence proceedings for parenting orders, which you should do without delay. You should not need to pander to your ex in order for your child to spend time with you.

 

[sammy01]

yes you should not have to pander to your ex... But for the minute, it is a good idea. I strongly encourage you to suck it up... Spend some time with your kid... mate do what ever it takes so the kid knows and sees that you care.... mate that a priority.

can you see the kid on weekends? at other times?

And the info here is good and free... If she refuses mediation then your ONLY option is court. But that can be done for less than a few grand if you're smart. I'd strongly encourage you to consider self representing... basically you file for court without a solicitor...

BTW she is playing games, she doesn't seem to have a problem with you organising kid to stay at grandad's... The problem is you forgot to ask permission. Be smart - try and get all communication in writing. A magistrate will not be impressed with those sorts of antics.

 

[Rod]

If your ex lawyers up, I suggest you do as well.

Too easy to have orders worded to your disadvantage and getting them changed later can be very hard.