VIC Defacto parenting agreements, witholding & IVO's and

Discussion in 'Family Law Forum' started by Seanisupacreek, 19 September 2018.

  1. Seanisupacreek

    18 September 2018
    Likes Received:
    Seperated after 5 years - 2 children - May 2017

    May 17 to March 18 (friends with benefits)

    March to May nothing but arguments.
    Ex goes to Thialand for 3 weeks and leaves kids with her mother and partner. (Kids have witnessed FV twice there). I fear for their safety and take them 2 days in (aggreement by her mother and ex reluctantly).
    Kids have been unsettled for a while now with their mothers routine and also covered up by her aswell.

    2 weeks of non stop calls 'narcastic traits' but an aggreement is reached 50/50.

    Comes back Friday 29th - Stays at my house with kids, comes onto me twice. Deed is done. Arguments follow due to her not wanting to try again. Agreed to parenting plan - but doesn't sign it (didn't check)

    Sat 9am (daughters 2nd bday). Ex 'Take me home.. I'll pick up car and come back'. Didn't see her for 4 days. Constantly battling on phone to get her up to see them. She doesn't want to come and threatens me with her brother, IVO, court. Says I'm keeping them to everyone else.. Made excuses that her home was a mess, didn't want to come back cos I made her feel uncomfortable... All non true.

    Now I'm going mad knowing something is wrong but she keeps blaming me and stories ain't matching up.

    4th - Family engage me - tell me some truths. We organise a meeting and she comes clean. See this new bloke, been on Ice. Drugs are finished with.. she needs kids back to get out of negative mindset.

    Parenting plan isn't finished as she wants to add to it. So I have a Stat Dec ready to go.. all signed and her mother, partner and friend are witnesses as it was to late to go poilce station. 50/50.

    1st week - She isnt on the ball 100%

    2nd Week - all good with me (ex speaks to kids 3 times in 7 days) done her back.. sleeps alot.

    3rd week - on swap - I get answers as I'm concerned about previous week's contact. Again comes clean. More ICE and uncertainties with her headspace.. Friend is a bad influence. Nothing is going on sexually.

    I end up going back and settling in the kids... One thing leads to another.. deed is done.

    Monday - I was to go back and go on a fun date - brother doesn't turn up - cancelled.

    Tuesday - kids are sweet. She is all good.

    Wednesday - I ask them to meet me at mine. She feels guilty on phinecall. Admits there is a sexual relationship with other bloke.. 11.30pm I tell him via FB message with recording of her admitting it and that I don't want a meth head around my children but he is welcome to her.

    She messages me and threatens me with I won't like the consequences. 3 days later IVO with children on it. I'm drugging them to get them to sleep, I'm staling her and threatening her..

    So... I now have a IVO against me (8 weeks I've had the kids on 2 weekends-no contact by phone)

    5 days ago.... Hes back and pipes up and threatens me... shes threatening me with deportation.. now she is witholding kids.. lies about kids and where theor abouts.. doesn't turn up for a change of care, she gives kids to mother every weekend and gets onit... So 3 INTRIM IVO's now for Ex and BF (He can't be around my kids)

    Ex mother in law excepts IVO without adds.

    I'm emailing ex regarding visitations and get no answer but now I get 2 calls and then 2 messages with threats from BF. I'm not a violant person but this bloke is pushing it. Tomorrow Im calling police.. 'email recieved by her and 2 mins later I get abuse...'

    she hasn't spoke to me in 5 days since he piped up and now states stop contact via email. She also is claiming 3 months back pay from CS even tho I had them for the most of June and half of July. (Agreed to parenting plan via text but not sign - she doesn't want to give up Centrelink money which states $0 CS from me as it's 50/50)

    Mediation 5th Oct

    I'm contesting my IVO on the 10th

    Ex & BF on the 19th I have their 2 IVO's which I'll be reporting breaches Tomorrow)

    Can't afford lawyer.. haven't seen my kids since the 2nd. Welfare check came back ok.

    , (police called the childcare) Mum is probably being pushed into ice again... Bloke is a down and out and is around my kids.. she is refusing to talk and arrange any time for me with the kids.

    What can I do... She won't stick to mediation as she hasn't stuck to our 50/50 week on week off.

    No certificate yet. No lawyer and to top it off.. I lost my job today and need kids docs to get any Centrelink payments in the interim. One week away from being homeless if I don't pay rent next week.

    1. How do I go about contact 'priority'

    2. Should I stay unemployed till I can get infront of a judge?

    3. Documents? How do I get them if she ain't talking?

    Remember I can't be doing anything to upset her as I'll breach my IVO.. im in the 2nd month aswell.. no breaches.

    She is coaching my kids, witholding my kids. God knows what else. 99% sure she is Narcissist with bipolar. (There is alot more going on with her, but it basically comes down to deciet, projecting and hate)


    12.30pm... tired and stressed. Sorry for any spelling mistakes.
    #1 Seanisupacreek, 19 September 2018
    Last edited: 19 September 2018
  2. Migz

    Migz Well-Known Member

    20 November 2016
    Likes Received:
    Get ready for the long haul... In approximately 6 months time (if you can live that long without your kids, worst case scenario) you are in the box seat for some huge changes to the care of the kids. Heres how it will happen, carry out your mediation, even though its a waste of time, see if she will agree to any time with the kids, try to get as much time as possible (in the meantime for 6 mths). Get your s60i certificate, then its off to court for you, yes you can self rep, but you still need to find about a grand, to get the ball rolling and cover fees.

    You need to file your "interim orders and final orders" but inside your interim orders, you must ask for the mother (better if you say both parents to carry out if you know you are clean) to carry out a hair follicle drug test, this will show up all of the drugs used in the last 3 months. This will cost you you $330 a test, seek that this is able to be carried out 4 times a year at random at a time you select.

    When this comes back positive, use this in you next court hearing, and see how the judge reacts...

    1. How do I go about contact 'priority' (What do you mean?)

    2. Should I stay unemployed till I can get infront of a judge? (No, get a job, and teach your kids a work ethic, you will need money to pay the court fees and filing fees, and drug tests)

    3. Documents? How do I get them if she ain't talking? (You can get a copy of these documents from births deaths and marriages, give them a call they are helpful)

    Forget the rest of the crap going on, stop engaging in it, stop sleeping with her, and cut all ties, email only, be polite in the emails and make sure they are child focused, and don't get involved in email wars. You need to be child focused ONLY. She took out an IVO on you and you still think your relationship is a goer, seriously wake up. There is 2 little kids in this that need atleast one stable parent/adult in their lives. STEP UP. You are actually in a good position by the sounds of it, if you can document, document, document, ie write a bloody DIARY, of everything going on daily, you will need this down the track, either in the Family Consultation that the judge may make you go and do, and you will need it for your Chronology, should your case end up going to trial. Take my advice write a bloody diary, limit contact with the junkie for the time being, just ask for additonal time with the kids only via email and outline the pickup point and drop off point and for how long you will have them for, if she doesn't respond fine, let it go, send it again in a week, you need to get smart and build up your case, not for mediation but for court...

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