Hello, I have read a bit about IVO advice on here but require some more clarity on some issues I am facing. I left a very long marriage a few months ago leaving 4 children behind. My ex did not allow me to have contact with my children. My name is also on the mortgage and no orders are in place. I recently arranged for mediation through relationships Australia and advised my ex via text. I was then sent a threatening text message from my ex saying she will now get an IVO out against me. I thought this was a joke. I have a job whereby I manage services for children. I then receive a call less than a week later from police and I am served with a full IVO preventing contact with the children and my ex. Court hearing in 3 months. Allegations on the IVO state physical and emotional abuse to the children and emotional and sexual abuse towards the ex over the course of the marriage. I am innocent on all grounds. I now cannot coach their sporting teams or be involved in their clubs. I need to notify my work and risk losing my job as I work with kids. 20 years of exemplary work with kids possibly down the drain. I can not communicate at all with my children nor post photos of them on social media. All of this because I wanted to see my kids and settle on the house. All information on the IVO was submitted online to the court. No other evidence was provided apart from a statement. The allegations were quite serious and disgusting to be truthful. I don’t want contact with my ex as I left and organised my own place , I just wanted mediation. No police involvement or prior family violence allegations made in the past at all. Should I lodge a counter IVO as I feel she is trying to bait me?
VIC IVO allegations
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The good news.
1. IVO is not gonna impact on work. Double check with your union. I'm a teacher in NSW and my ex took an avo on me. Still working. Infact, I didn't even have to tell the boss.
2. IVO is common territory in family law.
3. You can still do mediation if the mediators deem it appropriate.
4. You can fight the IVO...
The Bad news.
1. Sure you can fight the IVO but it will cost $$$ I reckon it is worth accepting without admission. Save your money for family law. The other thing is the IVO costs her nothing. It is you vs the police prosecutor.
2. Gettingan IVO against her is gonna be hard work and problematic. We live in a sexist society. And it might be bad strategy anyways. WHY? Well down the track you're in family law courts and it is a s**t fight. Accusations here accusations there. Magistrate has to ask himself what is wrong with these people and how can they co-parent if they are throwing all these accusations around. Proving the ex a liar isn't important. Proving you are a good dad is important.
Proving the ex a liar isn't important. Proving you are a good dad is important
Yup wrote it twice because it is important...
So stay calm, be the voice of reason. Look after your health and stay strong..
But - who is paying the mortgage? Are you paying child support? Give us a bit more detail. What does she do for a living? what sort of access with the kids do you want?
1. IVO is not gonna impact on work. Double check with your union. I'm a teacher in NSW and my ex took an avo on me. Still working. Infact, I didn't even have to tell the boss.
2. IVO is common territory in family law.
3. You can still do mediation if the mediators deem it appropriate.
4. You can fight the IVO...
The Bad news.
1. Sure you can fight the IVO but it will cost $$$ I reckon it is worth accepting without admission. Save your money for family law. The other thing is the IVO costs her nothing. It is you vs the police prosecutor.
2. Gettingan IVO against her is gonna be hard work and problematic. We live in a sexist society. And it might be bad strategy anyways. WHY? Well down the track you're in family law courts and it is a s**t fight. Accusations here accusations there. Magistrate has to ask himself what is wrong with these people and how can they co-parent if they are throwing all these accusations around. Proving the ex a liar isn't important. Proving you are a good dad is important.
Proving the ex a liar isn't important. Proving you are a good dad is important
Yup wrote it twice because it is important...
So stay calm, be the voice of reason. Look after your health and stay strong..
But - who is paying the mortgage? Are you paying child support? Give us a bit more detail. What does she do for a living? what sort of access with the kids do you want?
Thanks Sammy01 for the advice. The only thing is it says on the WWCC site that an IVO order can impact the check as it relates to alleged physical violence against my children. I am only paying the child support, automatic deductions as well as half private school fees. She is paying the mortgage it of this. She has a part time job at a school, but if she defaults on the mortgage it’s affects me credit rating. To get my name of the mortgage she has to refinance as she wants to keep the house. We spilt a few years ago and we settled on the house then and she paid me out a 15% of the house value then. We reconciled 6 months later and then refinanced then house last year. She said previously tonne last year she would never let me leave her and earlier this year said she would make up up things to stop me seeing the kids and to destroy my work, but she told me this in person. We agreed for me to have the children every second weekend but once I handed the keys to the house back she said I couldn’t see them for 6 months as they didn’t want to see me which was a lie. My mediation is booked in for later this months which I arranged before the IVO. She came over to my unit several times to drop things off in person before this but alleges in the report she fears for her safety.
yeah I really want you to look into the WWCC stuff. My avo (nsw) had the kids on it. But like I said, still working. I looked into it.
have a read
So nothing to worry about as far as the job goes. You might need a chat with a laywer. See I reckon accepting without admission (suxs) BUT it is better than fighting it and not winning for lots of reasons. Money - save your $$$ for family law - fighting it will piss her off and right now you don't wanna do that... So there was one case on this forum he fought a 12 month avo. It took more than a year.... So it would have been faster to accept without admission.
Let her default on the mortgage. Sure a small hit to your credit rating but banks are more forgiving than you think. They understand marriages end... s**t happens.
BIG ADVICE - Dont breach avo. Dont risk it, even if she offers you time with the kids.
Mate get mediation going. You need that to apply for court. Get that going so even if it fails you can start an application for child access through the courts. You can self represent. In most cases when the ex gets served with court attendance they get grumpy. But very quickly realise that th is stuff is serious and allegations that are false cause the accuser to lose credibility... I wish liars were treated more harshly, but they're not.
Consider a few grand for a letter from a solicitor to ask for time with the kids
have a read
So nothing to worry about as far as the job goes. You might need a chat with a laywer. See I reckon accepting without admission (suxs) BUT it is better than fighting it and not winning for lots of reasons. Money - save your $$$ for family law - fighting it will piss her off and right now you don't wanna do that... So there was one case on this forum he fought a 12 month avo. It took more than a year.... So it would have been faster to accept without admission.
Let her default on the mortgage. Sure a small hit to your credit rating but banks are more forgiving than you think. They understand marriages end... s**t happens.
BIG ADVICE - Dont breach avo. Dont risk it, even if she offers you time with the kids.
Mate get mediation going. You need that to apply for court. Get that going so even if it fails you can start an application for child access through the courts. You can self represent. In most cases when the ex gets served with court attendance they get grumpy. But very quickly realise that th is stuff is serious and allegations that are false cause the accuser to lose credibility... I wish liars were treated more harshly, but they're not.
Consider a few grand for a letter from a solicitor to ask for time with the kids
If I have read correctly, the IVO is a private application made by your wife (police serving it doesn't mean it was a police application, police serve ALL FVO's) ..... If it's a private application, then you will not be facing a police prosecutor in court .... It will be up to her to prove why the kids need to be named on there (or a lawyer if she hires one).
When a private application for an interim IVO with your kid/s named as protected is granted & served, (Based on lies) I have never seen the advantage of accepting without admissions ... You don't have to hire a lawyer & spend money opposing it if you don't want to, BUT, as soon as it's made a final order, two things happen ....
1) there is no further opportunity to bring the issue back in front of a magistrate (these can be opportunities to amend terms, remove names etc .... Sometimes circumstances & emotions change in the weeks preceding a court appearance)
2) With no upcoming court appearance where they have to prove their lies, the applicant can become emboldened by the fact that it seems quite easy to abuse the legal system & get away with it... That mind set will probably continue into family law proceedings .... They have to actually if they are going to rely on a FVO based on lies
I agree that in family court proceedings it's very important to demonstrate an ability to get along in order to co parent, accepting lies as fact should never be an option & needs to be called out
When a private application for an interim IVO with your kid/s named as protected is granted & served, (Based on lies) I have never seen the advantage of accepting without admissions ... You don't have to hire a lawyer & spend money opposing it if you don't want to, BUT, as soon as it's made a final order, two things happen ....
1) there is no further opportunity to bring the issue back in front of a magistrate (these can be opportunities to amend terms, remove names etc .... Sometimes circumstances & emotions change in the weeks preceding a court appearance)
2) With no upcoming court appearance where they have to prove their lies, the applicant can become emboldened by the fact that it seems quite easy to abuse the legal system & get away with it... That mind set will probably continue into family law proceedings .... They have to actually if they are going to rely on a FVO based on lies
I agree that in family court proceedings it's very important to demonstrate an ability to get along in order to co parent, accepting lies as fact should never be an option & needs to be called out
I sort of agree with the advice above. Based on the IVO application already made you are in for a fight.
If you want to see your kids, consent without admission to your ex, but apply to have the kids removed.
You should also consider starting proceedings for property and children matters.
@sammy01 has given a good link for WWCC. Unlikely to be any concern there at the moment.
Staying calm and being the reasonable person doesn't mean you have to roll over on every thing your ex does/demands.
If you want to see your kids, consent without admission to your ex, but apply to have the kids removed.
You should also consider starting proceedings for property and children matters.
@sammy01 has given a good link for WWCC. Unlikely to be any concern there at the moment.
Staying calm and being the reasonable person doesn't mean you have to roll over on every thing your ex does/demands.
I agree with Atticus - So just to clarify who has applied for the IVO the ex or the cops. This stuff is a bit murky. But If the cops took the ivo on you then accept without admission IF it is a private application then consider fighting it OR at least accepting without admission IF the kids are removed. But you have a 3 month wait, so mediation and a letter from solicitor might be a good idea to get the ball rolling.
This is where a lawyer can help have the kids removed from the IVO. In my experience police will negotiate far more readily with a lawyer than the respondent.
Definitely get a lawyer. They are serious allegations, and you need a lawyer to help you understand the implications and the best strategy.
Have you met with your bank to discuss the mortgage issues? It might be worth using the coronavirus exemption to stop paying the mortgage now, and let her start the refinancing processes so she can own it outright. Make sure you are paying the private school directly and make sure they send you regular balances so she is paying her half of the bargain.
Investigate local visitation services as well? If you fund supervised visits, it may be a good way to ensure that the children still have regular contact with you, and that you offer a safe way to do so without any cost to her. It is one way to hopefully collect evidence that there is no evidence of any violence against the children during those visits.
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