Dad wants to fight for non biological daughter

[Justwanthelp]

I need help... and I can’t seem to get it, when ever I goto speak to a lawyer they look at me like I’m a idiot for wanting to fight when this is my way out.


So... it goes like this. I have been with my ex partner for 8 years, we seperate in January 2019. I have a pretty successful job, All major assets were mine prior to the relationship commencing and we have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. So here is the kicker, our daughter is not biologically mine. However I do not care she is not biologically mine she is my daughter in my eyes.


So some background, 3 years ago we seperate for a few months and she had a one night stand. She found out she was pregnant and told me, for what ever reason I decided to take on the responsibility and get back together. I am listed on my daughters birth certificate as the father and there are only a few select ppl who know the truth. For 2 years it was great but then it just didn’t work, now my daughter is everything to me, everything I do I do for her. My ex on the other hand is pure evil, we currently have 50/50 custody but she is refusing to sign a parenting plan etc I’ve started the mediation process but it’s a long one.


My issue is, when ever I don’t do something my ex wants she threatenes to get a DNA test and prove my daughter isn’t mine and take away all my access so I never see her again. I’m currently paying $300 per week in child support, given her a free hold house and $50k... but it’s not stopping she just keeps on threatening me with this one thing.


So where do I stand? I don’t want to lose my daughter, if anything I want to adopt her so I’m the legal father. I’ve been advised because I’m on the birth certificate I do have rights. But does all that go away if she says she lied on it..


Please help I just want some direction

 

[sammy01]

ok mate - I'm 105 kg of pure aussie bloke - I'm giving you a hug.
You need one. You're a good fella.

But this is a legal forum.
Your rights are protected - actually the child's rights are protected... Under the concept in law called 'the best interest of the child.
the law states
Shared Care - Equal Shared Parental Responsibility
The capacity of:

• Each of the child's parents; and
• Any other person (including any grandparent or other relative of the child);
• To provide for the needs of the child, including emotional and intellectual needs

That bit about any other relative of the child means heaps to you. You are a step dad... so you're covered by that. And you're the dad according to law. So there are cases where women who have been shown to have lied about paternity have been smashed by the courts, as in jail time.
Now mate, I'm sorry but there is no other way of putting this. But the $$$ you have given her is gone. So I'd like a bit more detail about the 'free hold house'?

But my advice is to stay calm and do nothing. To be honest I reckon that is why the solicitors are shrugging their shoulders at you. They are doing you a favour. See at 2 1/2 your insanely lucky to have 50/50 care. You would not get that result in court. Not with a kid that age. So you really want to avoid the whole legal thing....

Mate my advice is to do nothing. I wish I had that advice when I was in a situation that was nothing like your's as far as paternity but similar as far as age of the child.

IT IS CAPITALS FOR A REASON - DOES SHE ACTUALLY DENY ACCESS?
If she doesn't then just play along. Just keep agreeing, pay a little more child support if you can. That would be cheaper than court. But if the routine for the kid is consistent keep doing it.

Has she ever declined you access? OR does she just threaten it? BTW she can threaten a dna test, but she will need a court

 

[Justwanthelp]

ok mate - I'm 105 kg of pure aussie bloke - I'm giving you a hug.
You need one. You're a good fella.

But this is a legal forum.
Your rights are protected - actually the child's rights are protected... Under the concept in law called 'the best interest of the child.
the law states
Shared Care - Equal Shared Parental Responsibility
The capacity of:

• Each of the child's parents; and
• Any other person (including any grandparent or other relative of the child);
• To provide for the needs of the child, including emotional and intellectual needs

That bit about any other relative of the child means heaps to you. You are a step dad... so you're covered by that. And you're the dad according to law. So there are cases where women who have been shown to have lied about paternity have been smashed by the courts, as in jail time.
Now mate, I'm sorry but there is no other way of putting this. But the $$$ you have given her is gone. So I'd like a bit more detail about the 'free hold house'?

But my advice is to stay calm and do nothing. To be honest I reckon that is why the solicitors are shrugging their shoulders at you. They are doing you a favour. See at 2 1/2 your insanely lucky to have 50/50 care. You would not get that result in court. Not with a kid that age. So you really want to avoid the whole legal thing....

Mate my advice is to do nothing. I wish I had that advice when I was in a situation that was nothing like your's as far as paternity but similar as far as age of the child.

IT IS CAPITALS FOR A REASON - DOES SHE ACTUALLY DENY ACCESS?
If she doesn't then just play along. Just keep agreeing, pay a little more child support if you can. That would be cheaper than court. But if the routine for the kid is consistent keep doing it.

Has she ever declined you access? OR does she just threaten it? BTW she can threaten a dna test, but she will need a court

Thanks mate, house is a investment property I had prior to relationship. I gave it to her when she moved out and signed it over to her name etc. Its all threats by her but I worry one day she may think she is all high and mighty and do it.

I have no problem in providing for my daughter but I just don’t want to be fighting and fighting for it if she can just take it away.

It’s also more of the emotional side of things, I’m constantly being threatened with this. It gets to you, and I hate it. Because she won’t sign the parenting plan she will swap and change days when ever she feel like it. If I travel for work I’ll tell her a month in advance. Then 2 days before I get if you don’t have your daughter you’ll never see her again. So it’s almost effecting my job as at times I’m worried I won’t be able to travel etc. Ove we have done the mediation and I get a court order hopefully it will be better but who knows. She just doesn’t rock up to mediation or provides a fake medical certificate so she gets it deferred to the next one.

All I want is to be my daughters father, it didn’t work between me and her but it does work between me and my daughter.

Also side question, where should my daughters passport live? My ex has her birth certificate so I feel it’s fair I keep the passport.. yet she does not.

 

[sammy01]

Passport - is the ex a flight risk? as in leave the country and never come back?
If no - then move on... Pick your battles.

Ok, so courts look at best interests of the child. At 2 1/2 yrs of age you're not gonna get 50/50. But - in another 18 months it would be worth applying to court. But not yet.

So some advice between here and then. Document everything. Learn to download text messages into word documents. Slowly, and discreetly try and move towards more text messages. That might be happening already. But don't go crazy about it either.

So I asked a question in the last post... You didn't answer it... IT IS CAPITALS FOR A REASON - DOES SHE ACTUALLY DENY ACCESS? OR does she just muck you around by changing the dates at short notice? Because the advice I'd give varies depending on the answer.

Last thing - Don't go telling her this. But if all of a sudden she wants to deny access and demand a paternity test, she will need a court order. And simply because you're not biological dad, doesn't mean you are out the door. Mate I read one case where there was conflict between the mum the dad and the step mum about where the kid should live. The kid would up with the step mum because she was deemed to be the best person to raise the kid. So next time she threatens you with that one just smile and nod.

 

[Jake Matherson]

Because she won’t sign the parenting plan she will swap and change days when ever she feel like it.

With regards to the parenting plan that you are trying to implement. They are a good idea and work if both parties agree to them and are prepared to stick to them.

However I'm just making sure that you know they are not legally binding documents and at any point in time she can choose to not follow the parenting plan and there is nothing anyone can do about it and no repercussions for her what so ever.

This kind of behaviour would be frowned upon in court however your goal appears to be to avoid that. Just keep that in the back of your mind.

 

[Justwanthelp]

Passport - is the ex a flight risk? as in leave the country and never come back?
If no - then move on... Pick your battles.

Ok, so courts look at best interests of the child. At 2 1/2 yrs of age you're not gonna get 50/50. But - in another 18 months it would be worth applying to court. But not yet.

So some advice between here and then. Document everything. Learn to download text messages into word documents. Slowly, and discreetly try and move towards more text messages. That might be happening already. But don't go crazy about it either.

So I asked a question in the last post... You didn't answer it... IT IS CAPITALS FOR A REASON - DOES SHE ACTUALLY DENY ACCESS? OR does she just muck you around by changing the dates at short notice? Because the advice I'd give varies depending on the answer.

Last thing - Don't go telling her this. But if all of a sudden she wants to deny access and demand a paternity test, she will need a court order. And simply because you're not biological dad, doesn't mean you are out the door. Mate I read one case where there was conflict between the mum the dad and the step mum about where the kid should live. The kid would up with the step mum because she was deemed to be the best person to raise the kid. So next time she threatens you with that one just smile and nod.

Sorry I didn’t highlight it to well, yes she only threatens it. Never follows through, she is a reactive person by nature and will react with out considering the ramifications. However as I said she is constantly changing days and times on short notice, also adding in extra days here and there. Over the past 8 weeks I have had my daughter in average 9 days a fortnight instead of the 7, because of the extra days she has asked me to have her.

 

[Justwanthelp]

With regards to the parenting plan that you are trying to implement. They are a good idea and work if both parties agree to them and are prepared to stick to them.

However I'm just making sure that you know they are not legally binding documents and at any point in time she can choose to not follow the parenting plan and there is nothing anyone can do about it and no repercussions for her what so ever.

This kind of behaviour would be frowned upon in court however your goal appears to be to avoid that. Just keep that in the back of your mind.

Thanks for this, yes I am aware they are not legally binding and that’s why I want to lodge it with the courts. However even then I’ve heard if she chooses not to follow it, I really can’t do to much about it besides take her back to court etc.

Something I would love clarification on is the whole advising the court that I am not her biological father yet I want the these orders still granted, it may sound stupid but would that work in my favour at all? As even if we do get the court lodged orders she will still threaten me with the DNA etc to remove it. So a theory of mine was do I be proactive and put all the cards on the table and plead my case. Or am I setting my self up to lose access. (Note. 50/50 is her asking for it, because she struggles to look after my daughter and wants to try and spend time on her new relationship)

 

[Atticus]

even if we do get the court lodged orders she will still threaten me with the DNA etc to remove it.

If you had court orders you would be granted visitation based on your role as a significant carer... In other words, a DNA result proving you are not the bio dad would not affect the order or it's terms

 

[Justwanthelp]

If you had court orders you would be granted visitation based on your role as a significant carer... In other words, a DNA result proving you are not the bio dad would not affect the order or it's terms

But would I need to tell the courts prior to the orders being issued I am not the father?

 

[Atticus]

If it was going to go to court, then you need to be honest. BUT... your connection & relationship with the child is the determinate factor... (based on the best interests principal that the child would benefit from a continuing meaningful relationship with you )... Not based on your DNA