Custody of Children - High School Child doesn't Want to Go

[Ren]

Hi, my ex husband has had to pay extra child support as he wasn't having the children as previously noted. He is now demanding that the kids will go to his place every second Friday and Saturday night whether he is working or not. The problem I am faced with is my oldest child is 12 and is in high school. She doesn't like his partner and her relationship with her father is very distant. She no longer wishes to go up as much as what he is requesting and would like to be able to make her own mind up if she wishes to go or not. My 10 year old son does want to go but not every second week end. Their father refuses to listen to what their wishes are and accuses me of not letting the kids come up.

All I want to do is be an advocate for my children and their wishes are heard. I have tried to go to mediation but he refused to attend. I can't afford a lawyer and am unsure on how to handle this so both parties have a fair hearing. He is a police officer and has the attitude what he says goes because he is the adult and father and they don't have a say. Can you please help me?

 

[HarrietJ]

Hi Ren,
Have you got a court order that outlines what days he has with the children?

 

[Ren]

Hi Ren,
Have you got a court order that outlines what days he has with the children?

Hi, there is no court orders at all we did have a parenting plan dated2008 but due to him moving away up the coast and his shift working at a different station where he doesn't get many weekends off the parenting plan was never fully effective

 

[CathL]

Hi Ren,
Have a look at these previous LawAnswers Family Law Forum threads about making your parenting arrangements legally enforceable:

• 'Custody of Children Rights - Travel Distance?'.
• 'Verbal Agreements - Valid Under Family Law'.

However, I appreciate that there are costs involved with finalising things in Court and ideally, there'd be a mutual agreement after some mediation/family dispute resolution. You might also be able to get some support and legal advice from your closest Womens Legal Services Centre or community legal centre.

 

[Ren]

But he has now written that he will take them no matter what if the kids refuse to go can I stand by them and say no what legal grounds do I have

 

[CathL]

Ultimately, both of you need to do what's in the best interests of the child - that's the key principle that's taken into account in family law matters regarding children. So if you believe that refusing to go is in the best interests of your child/both children, then you should state that is what you're doing and that's why.

In order for you to have something legally enforceable to hold him to, I think you'll need to get a parenting order through the Family Law Courts. Perhaps call your local Womens' Legal Services Centre tomorrow - see the link I provided above.

 

[Ren]

Thanks I will contact them tomorrow