Hey Ozboy
There are ways to minimise spend on $$ in the court process and get things done yourself. It would be wise to read the Family Law Act and upskill yourself on self-representation. There are some good resources online for this like:
Information about how to prepare a family law case and represent yourself in court.
www.legalaid.vic.gov.au
The first port of call in family law is to have gone through mediation with an accredited mediator. If mediation fails, the parties are awarded a 60i certificate which allows you to apply for orders through court (you cannot go to court without this unless there are exceptional circumstances like the presence of family violence etc). Try stay out of court if at all possible is what I would say. It is emotionally draining, expensive and IMO awful for the children as it is virtually impossible for them to be shielded from the conflict that arises from court proceedings.
It sounds like you are trying to sort this out between yourselves and this is not working? So... best bet is find an accredited mediator and start the mediation process. Don't rest on your laurels here though - make sure you are well prepared both in respect of property / financial aspects and the children if and when you go to mediation.
I am not sure what the details and history of the relationship are so it is hard to provide much more guidance on the property side of things.Regarding the kids... it is very NB to maintain contact with them. Family law, I believe, promotes relationships between parents and children, although it can get tricky and often messy, and just a heads up - it often takes time. So you are going to need a lot of patience.
I would suggest it is best to be pro-active. Work out what is best for the kids - How old are they? What are their current care arrangements and historical care arrangements? Are they close as siblings? It may be a good idea to put something down in writing an suggest as a proposal / interim parenting plan to your ex for the care going forward and that you will look to get a parenting plan finalised by going to mediation. This will also send a message to her that you are serious about getting an arrangement sorted. If they are young, as you say they are, suggest something that is not too disruptive of their current routine / schedule, gradually working in other changes over time which will demonstrate that you are thinking of them and not wanting to disrupt their routine but rather get them used to their new lives as children with two homes etc. Don't get bullied into accepting any position out of fear or threats of court etc etc. The family law act states that children have aright to a meaningful relationship with their parents and this should be facilitated unless there are physical or psychological risks to the kids.
My advice right now... Make sure you are on your absolute best behaviour. To both, your ex and kids. Even is she provokes / causes things. Employ the nod, smile and walk away and say that's cool attitude when things are getting heated. When cases go to court one of the primary risk factors judges look at is the ability of the parents to communicate and the existence of any inter-parental conflict. i.e when parents cannot communicate and if there is conflict shared care or 50/50 is rare, especially with young children. I know this may sound unfair in many circumstances but it is crucial not to get embroiled in the conflict. Also try and stay close (as in where you live) to the kids to show that you want to be available to care for them.
With young kids it is tricky to say whether you will get 2 / 3 nights a week. It is also important to consider if this is practical and good for the kids? If you have a history of caring for the kids and they have an attachment to you I would think this is a reasonable expectation. However, I think in order to get a better feel for what to do / chances and for others to comment more accurately on this forum more information is needed.