QLD Family Law - Wanting Ex to Stay Away from Me?

[NaynEm88]

My ex and I have 2 children together (3&10) and struggle to get along amicably, even for the sake of the children.

I had been allowing him into my home only 12 months ago, but the name-calling and his unwillingness to leave my home became too much, so I put a stop to it.

I've asked that at pick-up and drop-offs, for either his partner to bring down the children, for them to walk 20m down the driveway on their own, or to park at opposite sides of the park and for them to run across. I'm not putting them in a dangerous situation, there is always someone there who can grab them, no chance of being hurt (unless you count tripping over some grass).

He flat out refuses and says that I am being pathetic and should do handover with each other like adults.

I have tried, but he makes the situation awkward, often muttering things, lingering for longer, or trying to make conversation with me. In the past, he has called me names in front of the kids.

Only 12 months ago, he said that if I tried to take his kids away that he would shoot me in the head (I wouldn't take them away, so I suppose no issue, but all the same - it's not reasonable for him to make these claims).

What do I do? I don't want him around me, yet he forces this twice a week. What are my rights under family law and am I being unreasonable?

Thanks,

 

[me8901]

Hi Renee,

In my opinion (I am not expert here but I feel you because I was in the similar situation before), not that he can "force" you if you don't have court order there is no right or wrong of how much he can see children - but what's the best for children? You are a mum and you have a say, too. Focus on children, not how much he annoys you.

My changeover is not at home. It is in public place where you can just park the car, changeover and done, so not many conversation or contact we can make apart from how the kids are or what do they need after changeover.

I was in the similar situation before so I seek legal advice, I suggest you do too even just to advice what you should/shouldn't do.

At the end of the day it's all about your children best interest.

I was so frustrated before when my ex put me down (probably even worse than your case) but then I start to ignore and try show him that he can't just control me. Just don't let that get to you and focus on your children that would be my opinion

Good luck

 

[NaynEm88]

Hi,

Thanks for responding first of all.

I just wanted to clarify - I have no problem with lots of contact between him and the children. I like him seeing them and talking to them; no issues with that whatsoever - it's purely a question of how I can stop him from having face-to-face contact with me.

Even when I arrange for his mother to bring the kids out; he won't let it happen. We have a group chat for his partner, him, and myself for discussing important issues, but I don't want to be face-to-face with him as he does things that are sly and nasty as he knows I then don't have proof.

 

[me8901]

I have tried, but he makes the situation awkward, often muttering things, lingering for longer, or trying to make conversation with me. In the past he has called me names in front of the kids.

But if all he did was above, why don't you just hand the kids over and walk away, If you think what he did was not reasonable then there is no need to acknowledge or response? I only respond to my ex if he asked about kid other than that I just walk away - you have the right, too.

The only way to stop face to face contact I can think of is probably request location to be at his family's place, someone you can trust, you drop off you leave, he pick up. But then he could possibly drop off and waiting around for you. What will you do?

Otherwise police station? You will have to face him but less chance for him to say stuff at you?

I don't know what answer you expect from this but if I were you I would rather make sure my kids are handed to him by myself, and got kids off him into my hand by myself, rather than drop off somewhere and hope for the best so I don't have to be face to face with him.

If you think he's violent as you said he will shoot you in the head, if you take the kids away then start recording conversation when changeover, if you feel fear then go to police station ask them what option do you have, you have the record and have the reasons to.

Have you tried to contact legal aid and get some legal advice?

 

[AllForHer]

Do you have Court orders?

 

[NaynEm88]

Do you have Court orders?

No, we do not- we have had one mediation session, but he was unwilling to negotiate on the kids handover so it was left unresolved

 

[AllForHer]

Okay.

Since there’s no parenting orders, I’ll share a bit about how trespass works.

A person doesn’t need express consent to enter another’s property provided he is entering for a lawful purpose, but if the occupant expressly withdraws that implied consent, then that person is trespassing.

You understand, of course, that you and Dad need to have some kind of workable relationship for the kids’ sake, you will have to see each other from time to time, and there’s some aspects of dad’s behaviour that you will just have to put up with. If there wasn’t, you wouldn’t be exes, would you?

But what you can do is advise that you’re happy for him to collect the kids from the street in front of your house and you will watch them from the front door until they’re in his care, but you don’t consent to him coming on to your property anymore. Tell him that if he’s unhappy with this arrangement, you’ll be open to changeovers taking place in a public area, such as at McDonalds or a shopping centre car park, but if he continues to enter your property without consent, you’ll be taking further action.

If he continues to enter your property, you may have grounds for a domestic violence order (though certainly, I hope this is a last resort).

My husband had orders that changeovers take place at our house, but his ex was just unable to be civil whenever she attended our property. She would yell and swear and cause a domestic disturbance. Eventually, he ended up filing for a domestic violence order, and she agreed in undertakings to move changeovers to a public place. Changeovers have been much smoother since then.