VIC Vexatious and litigious ex

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Dpj

Well-Known Member
1 July 2020
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Dpj - a word of advice, go into the family report and every other bloody thing to do with this BS with an attitude of proving that you're a good dad and the kids will do well to have lots of time with you. That is all. Nothing else.

DO NOT... Repeat DO NOT go into the family report writer's office with the intentnion of proving the ex is a nutter.

They don't like splitting kids and the risk of this being labelled high conflict and you seeing your time reduced to 4...

Sammy. I agree. Just like ive never mentioned to the cop she is a nutrer, i wouldnt be playing this line with the psychiatrist either. I read two summaries of parenting papers this psych wrote (thats her subject matter expertise) and got sohe words i could use which are laymen explanations to position a thought. Im quite considered like that. In 5 years of knowing my ex, despite all the sit, i almost never swore or raised my voice.

Birth was on Monday so ive welcome a new member (girl) to the family. Yah. Super wrapped. My lawyer said splitting of a day is not being looked at as harshly. Im an involved father and always have (ie, 2x stints of 12 weeks as primary caregiver, seriously good work life balance, etc) and my lawyer said splitting for me to get the boys and extra day a fortnight could easily be seen as a positive (daddy boy bonding day and mummy girl bonfmding day) - he raised it with me and i even challenged it and rebutted. Ill re loom at her offer but what i spoke abput when i thought stuff was happening got totally flilped by her and i recall it was no extra time for a while. Coz she is not willing to budge, seems unlikely psych report will be cancelled. Its in Aug. Mediation Sept (ex lawyer/judge) and court for final hearing in late 2021. I hope it doesnt get to that. She desperately wants to settle. This could play in my favour (for property settlement) but hasnt yet.

So i have a long way to go til final court.
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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cool so refuse to budge - won't settle on assets and $$ until we settle on kids.
If you can get consent orders that is somewhere between what you want and what she wants then grab it. Mate by the sounds of things, I reckon you'll be the primary carer in a few years, or at least she'll be prepared to negoitate more time down the track. But for now she is limiting time to improve her prospects of getting more of the asset pie.
 

Dpj

Well-Known Member
1 July 2020
147
7
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Thanks @sammy01 . I would actually prefer to get kids locked away before and seperately to financials. She is the type of person to cut her nose off to spite her face and if property settlement is tense, ill say extremely likely, then she'll likely fight harder on kids to spite me even if she knows she'll lose. I can see it getting extremely costly if i dont lock away kids soon
 

sammy01

Well-Known Member
27 September 2015
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You're entitled to hold that position, infact in principle that is what should happen... Sadly the kids and the assets do get traded against each other.

You're all over this. Have you thought about self representing?
 

Dpj

Well-Known Member
1 July 2020
147
7
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Yes. I will represemt myself for AVOs, etc, and have thought about it for property/child matters. I had a deal originally with my lawyer i call for advice only and do all the leg work. I was thus the one liaising with my ex's lawyers for the first 2-3 months. Once we got issued notice for interim hearing, he said its time for the professionals to take over. But in reality, if i didnt listen to him saying 'you dont have to prove you can retain the house as she hasnt given you her financials to assess what property settlement will look like' then i would have proven i could and may be not gone to court and spent $15k as this was a major deciding factor in her requesting the interim hearing.

My experience in the magistrate court was the judge treated me worse as i defended myself. Basically, a case a few before me she allowed the barrister to make comments/ask questions she did not allow me to ask. She also made me wait all day despite the court being in the country and 2 hours from daycare and me having to last minute organise the kids to be picked up by my dad. When i asked the court burser to please get seen due to kids, she said 'the magistrate will put self represented cases last'. The magistrate was once a lawyer and if everyone self represented then it would rip money from the system that allows the industry. Thats why in an early comment i said the system felt like an incestuous money pit to get 30% out of every family. Where lawyers, barristers and judges were all in cahoots.

I found it very hard in victoria to find info on things such as 'best way to prepare an affidavit' or 'example subpoena documents and how to fill those in'. In NSW there is more assistance. I know the family act is federal so may be i look there and self represent. Finding this website has been a blessing and given me more confidence to self represent. My lawyer doesnt go for the juggula enough which has again been highlighted in a recent example where i didnt get 30 sec of 'jugular' advice that could make a $8k difference to me. He gave me advise but then missed the jugualr part. Jugular being my drfinition of using the law to your advantage and be a prick. Like my ex's lawyer in an email telling her to steal the kids, do whatever you can to stop his 6 days a fortnight as its creating a precident that may be hard to break. Now i know that the $30k of household items she stripped are not likely to be captured in the asset pool, i bet my ex's lawyer said 'when you are about to move into your rental, take out an FVO, avoid him coming to stop you, and strip the family home'. Why didnt i get that advice from my lawyer? I will give him this feedback.

Final hearing is set for Aug 2021 and between now and then there isnt much to do. The psych report and mediation look like they will proceed regardless. Once i get the 'if you went to court for property orders i think you'd get X' from my lawyer then ill take over the negotiations and request he only do work under my instructions or for which i have approved. He needs some final info from me to give me this figure although i have a rough idea. His bill was not more than i was expecting but he didnt itemise the costs, just the work. Ie, he listed the items and then a total amount. I would have thought he'd have to itemise the costs too. Is that right? @sammy01, @Tim W and @Atticus?

Also, a bit left field, but can i use subpoenaed psych reports for civil/crinimal matters, discuss those in the magistrates court, then use the transcript of that hearing as evidence to use this information in the family or circuit court? I think getting this info for my civil case will be easy but for the family case will be harder (and by the sounds of it challenged by her ex-psych) and i want to get it for my civil case and somehow use it for my family case. I figure civil court transcripts could be the method to achieve this.

Also, she has a new psych but i dont know who it is. She said the other day 'my knew psych says youre the abuser..' so i wouldnt mind subpoaenaing him/her too. But how? Can i force her to tell me who that is? Can i subpaoena my ex to get the psych's name?
 

Rod

Lawyer
LawConnect (LawTap) Verified
27 May 2014
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www.hutchinsonlegal.com.au
The magistrate was once a lawyer and if everyone self represented then it would rip money from the system that allows the industry. Thats why in an early comment i said the system felt like an incestuous money pit to get 30% out of every family. Where lawyers, barristers and judges were all in cahoots.

I have driven 3 hours to a country court with another lawyer for a 9:30 am start. Didn't get heard till 3 pm in afternoon. You do realise clients pay to have a lawyer sitting around.

Seems to make sense to have all lawyer cases heard first to save money.
 

Dpj

Well-Known Member
1 July 2020
147
7
414
I have driven 3 hours to a country court with another lawyer for a 9:30 am start. Didn't get heard till 3 pm in afternoon. You do realise clients pay to have a lawyer sitting around.

Seems to make sense to have all lawyer cases heard first to save money.

Its fair enough, i understand. At least now i know now. But who is to say my time isnt as important. What probably wasnt fair was letting a barrister ask the same question i got shut down for. I understand courts dont want to filled with self representation as it would generally take more time but i am allowed to do so.
 

Atticus

Well-Known Member
6 February 2019
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His bill was not more than i was expecting but he didnt itemise the costs, just the work. Ie, he listed the items and then a total amount.
Don't think the bill MUST be itemised ... if you dispute it though or ask for an itemised bill they should provide one
 

Dpj

Well-Known Member
1 July 2020
147
7
414
Ok. Thanks @Atticus for all your help. You and Sammy, particulaly, have been invaluable and im really greatful. This site is a dream resource for those looking for support