NSW Sufficient Evidence to Change Family Court Orders?

[AllForHer]

First, you're not paying me. I literally have nothing to gain from you or your case.

Second, why come to a law forum if you have a lawyer with 30+ years experience and who has obviously told you what you want to hear well enough that any dissenting opinion you get here will be belittled and dismissed anyway?

 

[john boy]

I am aware I am not paying you and it's only your opinion.

Secondly that lawyer with 30+ was from here and gave me feedback, too, which is in complete opposite to your opinion. So that just dismays what you have stated and how would you know what children mean explaining 2 more days a fortnight? As if that is practical living 1200 klms apart.

 

[AllForHer]

Try and remember that lawyers don't sell outcomes. They sell hope, and there's a big market for hope among desperate parents looking down the barrel of a very complex and unpredictable family law system. All they have to do is tell a potential client what they want to hear to get them on the payload, and they're free of responsibility for a failed case because they can never know what the Court will decide anyway.

All I'm saying on that front is that lawyers make money from your disputes. If a lawyer tells you you're going to lose, they're not going to make money from your dispute.

Now, to clarify your confusion on the second part of the above post, the point I am making is that if your child's views is that they want to see you more, do you actually think they're going to be sated by an extra two weeks out of the whole year? Or do you think their views are probably more based on the desire to see you more often than just during the holidays and one weekend a month?

Think about it.

 

[john boy]

I understand your explanation, as it is a business and I didn't just go of one lawyer's advice. And why I am on here seeking help from many. I have been down this road on numerous occasions and spent a vast amount to stay in my children's lives to this point.

My point though is that they are aware they don't see me regularly and have commented on this by asking why they can't spend longer on holidays, as it is a long time till they see me again. They have done this over 6 years and are very intelligent for their age.

So to answer your Question, I am asking for a weekend every month, too, instead of one in the middle of the school term as is in the current orders.

My lawyer was clear I wouldn't get 2 weeks every holiday term, but hopeful of the first and third term break and half summer I already get now.

Thank you for your opinion

Could you please give me your input in regards to Police colluding with the Mother to prevent me from getting access on visitation and falsely arresting me?

They detained me in custody for 5 hours and placed in front of a magistrate for a breach of DVO. Then they released me without charge, and a week later, given a written apology and the officers reprimanded.

But prior to that letter, she uses these 2 officers' comments in her affidavit for custody in her case that she had my time reduced and playing on DV.

 

[sammy01]

The cops didn't collude with the ex. Why would they? Seriously, they might have been doing their job, which was acting on information / misinformation provided by your ex.

So far you've told us that the family report writer was biased. You've told us the cops colluded. You're also telling us the ex was successful in getting your time reduced in court partly because she couldn't afford airfares. So now you wanna go back to court to get more time. Haven't you already lost that one?

So you've come here looking for opinions. I will give you mine.

The cops didn't collude with the ex. The report writer did their job well. Just not with an outcome you would have liked. Your chances of getting the case re-opened to get you more time with the kids is stuff all. It might be slightly more than stuff all, but only if you demonstrate a preparedness to move closer to the kids.

I am sorry for my opinion in as much as I wish I could paint a happier picture. Yep, you have a solicitor - meanwhile punters here are just that, punters who are prepared to spend a bit of time to help those navigating the legal system. My opinion is based on my experience.

I hope you get the outcome you want, but in my opinion, you're wasting your money. Better off moving closer to the kids. But I've said that before, right?

Oops one more thing - your ex seems to be very good at using the systems in place within family law / AVO, etc, etc... You need to get better at playing this silly game than her. Simple.

 

[john boy]

Yes, they did collude and she used their comments in her affidavit and was there to finger point me out to them. But this is all being dealt with elsewhere with a civil matter which is no relevant here.

So doing their job, they were not, as I have a letter of apology in my desk. The report writer was bias as how else can she justify her comments when she wasn't in the same room as me and elsewhere collecting her sick child?

I'm aware if I lived closer I would get what most Fathers do and that's alternate weekends, but thanks for clarifying that to me.

Most women know the system as they get together to help one another or introduce themselves while at woman shelters playing the role they play so well.

 

[sammy01]

Ok, so the cops didn't collude - might not have done their job all that well...but it is neither here nor there.

I also think the family report writers don't get to just make stuff up when they were elsewhere.

Making gender stereotypes is a dangerous way of justifying this or that. Women don't know the system any better than men. In fact, in my experience, the mother's groups / etc., can be the greatest source of misinformation.

So my ex got lots of advice from other women who knew nothing. They told her what she wanted to hear... Now a place like this, you get opinions, not necessarily what you wanna hear. Dwell on your justifications if you want, but it wont help you.

 

[john boy]

I presume you think all cops uphold the law in your world and why this matter is going to court.

Also, I was there when that family report was taken and the Magistrate took her advice from her expertise or so he stated to my Barrister. Women have the upperhand today, unless you're on a different planet...

Look at the new Avo legislation just passed on allegations where they are now for 5 years and work in their favour to prevent fathers from having regular contact with their children.

I guess your outcome was more favourable if you're not dwelling on seeing your children like I am...

 

[sammy01]

"I presume you think all cops uphold the law in your world"

Nope, but I don't think a cop would risk their career deliberately to help your ex screw you over. They might do it, but not deliberately. So it ain't colluding, it is incompetence or maybe something else. I will get to that later.

Yep - magistrates generally take the advice from the family report writer. And they are well trained to make recommendations based on their training.

So the something else links to your comments about gender discrimination. Well - there is a system of laws regulations, etc. And the politicians have jumped on the bandwagon of domestic violence. There are votes in it for them... So they pass laws to try and win votes. Hence the stupid 5-year avo (I had not heard of that, btw) so the politicians can seem like they are doing their jobs, but I doubt a single life will be saved because of those laws and if the politicians really wanted to make a significant change, they would agree to fund more family law courts so the process doesn't take so long and they might even change the laws so that barristers and solicitors are not involved.

And BTW, if they did that, lots and lots more lives would be saved. Lots more men would not kill their ex's and kids as sometimes tragically happens, and lots and lots more lives would be saved because lots and lots of men would not be topping themselves because of the despair caused by the family law system and nasty exes abusing it.

So please, don't get me started - oh, too late. We all hear about the 1 woman a week killed by their spouse (and that is all terribly tragic). But we don't hear about the 3 men a day who top themselves and I'm willing to bet many of those men who top themselves do so at least in part because of family law...

But those are the laws....

Now sadly, some folks will take advantage of these well-intentioned (if however, flawed) laws in order to get an upper hand in family law. BTW, an AVO technically don't stop you seeing your kids (Yep, I know, I know - in reality it does).

So yep, my outcome was more favourable. I had an AVO against me and the copper who served it on me was genuinely apologetic. He said he did not join the police to do this sort of crap and he explained that his hands were tied. She'd made a complaint and as such, he must serve the AVO. So I slept in my car because I was homeless.

I went to St Vincent De Paul every day and bought 'new' clothes to wear to work while sleeping in my car so that no-one knew the turmoil my life was in, and all the while my now ex was living in the house I was paying for and refusing me access to my kids. So when you asked earlier about expertise, etc., I reckon I have some expertise based on my experiences. Oh, and just so ya know, my kids now live with me and rarely see their mum.

So with that in mind I'm gonna give you some help. You can put all your energy into proving the cops are corrupt, the family report writer was biased and the legal system is sexist and needs changing. And I hope at least on the last point, you succeed. Or you can put all your energy into learning the systems, understanding the way it all works and then you will be in a position to get the best outcome for yourself.

So to help you do that, I reckon you should maybe stop attacking the well-intentioned people who are offering you help and start asking questions about what you can do achieve your goals.

Now sadly - it seems the horse has bolted in some respects. I wish you found this website before the family report or before the ex moved away. But you didn't. So you want more time with your kids. Ok. Based on the info provided, the answer has not changed. Apply for court orders based on your intention to move closer to the kids. If you're not willing to do that, then you're wasting your time.

Learn to self represent and learn how to play the system. Or wait until the kids are older because once / if they are 12 or older then the goal posts shift a little in your favour if the kids say they wanna live with you.

Finally, some people have spent a good bit of time offering you some help. All the opinion is well-intentioned and no-one here other than you seems to have a problem with it. Might wanna think about that for a bit...

Nope - one more thing. I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry for what the ex has done. It isn't her gender that has allowed her to get away with it. It is her preparedness to try to keep the kids away from you (been there too).

One more thing. You mentioned earlier that she is contravening the orders. How so? Have you made a court application about the contraventions?

So learn to self represent - force her to either comply with the orders or keep doing contraventions when she doesn't. If she keeps contravening, then you could have a case for the residence of the kids to be changed but so far, instead of seeking assistance here on the best approach to take, this thread seems to have been railroaded into a debate about 'the system'

If you wanna have more time with the kids, stay on task and focus on that - forget the other crap.

 

[john boy]

Sammy, I am very appreciative of your time and understanding. Now I know your opinion is through life experience. As how you explained your situation and how you have now come out the other side is a testament to the character of who you are.

I won't go into detail too much about myself as this is the tip of the iceberg to where my life has spiraled out of control. As I am not on here for self pity but to keep my children in my life as they are the innocent ones in this situation.

I have made a few bad decisions from the onset due to a lawyer giving me the wrong information and when your wet behind the ears it's easily done. I now wish I had found these forums and been more aware to what I have learnt these last 12 months by talking to others with knowledge of how the system works.

Could you kindly explain how it is that your children came to live with you as mine are only 8 next year (twins) and worried about them being intimidated. As they get older to not be able to make that decision for themselves down the road. It's sad children today being caught in the cross fire and I am concerned about their mental health growing up with this.

Last October, I had their mother in court for a contravention where upon she was found guilty. The Magistrate caught her out lying about her welfare payments as she breached not sending the children for Summer holiday contact. He placed her on a 12-month good behaviour bond and no monitory value was put. She is continually breaching these orders by directing the children in our phone conversations and hanging up mid calls and telling them she hates me and my family.

I asked my lawyer last year to email her for my Xmas day phone call and it went ignored and the kids made me a Fathers day card to which she forced them to give to her mother's partner .

Sadly though like you explained, these orders are nearly 4 years old and there is no dramatic change of circumstance. The only reason mainly was they ask to spend more time as one week a term holiday to fly from Brisbane to Sydney every 3 months didn't seem adequate. But found out it's the standard option given to most unless by mutual consent its increased. She is too smart as I come in under the 52 days for her maintenance and percentage of care.

I am focused on them and our time together...not only that they have a big family unit here too .My mother recently passed and that upset them terribly and now my father has a close attachment with them and he is in his early 80's and I am his carer. So the option of moving closer is not there and either it's me getting a job doing what I have done for 30 years as I cannot transfer .

Thanks again for your help .