NSW Non-custodial Parent Seeing Children Outside of Family Court Orders?

[ROWE]

What is the general position regarding a non-custodial parent spending time not specified in the family court orders with their children?

Background:

The Family Court ordered that I have sole parental responsibility for my son, aged 12, and daughter almost 9, and that they live with me.

Orders also state that the mother spends time with the children every alternate week from Friday after school until Monday before school, except during school holidays where they spend half the holidays with her and half with me. Orders provide for the mother to receive copies of school reports.

The mother has for some time now also been attending the children's school for canteen duty, reading and sporting events outside the times ordered by the court. This is causing me great anxiety and stress because the mother does not accept the validity of the Family Court decision, nor the decision of 2 court appointed psychiatrists, the ICL or FACS. She touts that the Court decision was unlawful (despite having lost numerous appeals before the full court), and presents herself as a victim of a broken system and me as a heinous predatory monster.

During the hearings (now concluded) the court previously ruled that a school the children attended a hostile environment to me, and allowed me to change the school the children attended. This was a direct result of influence the mother had at the previous school.

My anxiety results from fears that the mother will again slander me at the new school creating a similar hostile environment once more. Ordinarily I would support the other parent attending the school and any other important children's events, in my case however the mother's unchangeable deluded view of the current situation and her associated slanderous actions make me feel unsafe and prefer to keep her out of my world as much as is reasonably possible.

What is the general position regarding a non-custodial parent spending time not specified in the Orders with their children?

 

[sammy01]

If there is nothing in the orders stipulating that she can't attend school then she can attend school...

Look at what is in the orders... Schools really don't want to get involved... But a meeting with the principal where you express your concerns and seek their advice could be in order... Take your court orders with you so the principal can understand where you're coming from.

Mate I'm a teacher, I'm also a male primary carer. I've learnt that if I ignore the ex's crazy stuff, it has a better outcome... Not legal advice - just life experience... If I worry about her most recent version of crazy, I'm letting her win...

If I learn to ignore it, then my life gets better... It is a tough lesson that has been a few yrs in the making, but these days my blood pressure is normal because I do let her crazy s**t get to me.

 

[ROWE]

If there is nothing in the orders stipulating that she can't attend school then she can attend school...

Look at what is in the orders... Schools really don't want to get involved... But a meeting with the principal where you express your concerns and seek their advice could be in order... Take your court orders with you so the principal can understand where you're coming from.

Mate I'm a teacher, I'm also a male primary carer. I've learnt that if I ignore the ex's crazy stuff, it has a better outcome... Not legal advice - just life experience... If I worry about her most recent version of crazy, I'm letting her win...

If I learn to ignore it, then my life gets better... It is a tough lesson that has been a few yrs in the making, but these days my blood pressure is normal because I do let her crazy s**t get to me.

Thanks Sammy...there's nothing in the orders saying she can't attend. I have spoken with the principal and admin staff and expressed my concerns. The school won't deny her access, and I accept their decision (despite my great discomfort and fear). The school has a copy of the orders and associated reasons for judgement.
I have and will put up with her crazy as you so niceley put it. Sometimes though when things escalate it's a battle and I'd love things to be easier. I'll try harder to ignore her savage rants because they simply arent true. Thanks

 

[Rod]

If she says anything that defames you, send her a cease and desist letter and be prepared to follow it up with a claim for defamation.

 

[ROWE]

If she says anything that defames you, send her a cease and desist letter and be prepared to follow it up with a claim for defamation.

Thanks Rob, I spoke to several solicitors about taking defamation action and get the feeling that the risk of her getting off scott free and me getting stuck with a high legal bill is very high. Seems that unless youre a high roller (which I'm not) defamation action isnt worth pursuing through the NSW legal system.

 

[Rod]

Defamation is not necessarily high risk. You just need to have very good evidence and then the evidence effectively runs your case.

 

[ROWE]

Thanks again Rob....getting solid evidence is a challenge when the defamation is all verbal and pple dont want to be involved in the hassle of giving evidence in court. Just have to wear it and try not to let itpull me down until something solid comes along to finally shut her down.

 

[sammy01]

not legal adivce AGAIN - Just life experience AGAIN. Defamation blah blah... Potentially there could be grounds for an AVO depending on the type of crazy she pulls. BLAH BLAH - Here is why, you might get an avo, you might not, you might win a defamation case, you might not. IF you do get an AVO or win a defamation case, she will still be crazy AND worse - you will have been made a little bit more crazy just for letting yourself get involved in her crazy.

These days my ex has all but given up... I think the thing that caused that change is when she could no longer see that the crazy s**t was getting any traction in my world.

EXAMPLE - I send clothes for the kids when they visit her. She didn't return any of the clothes, instead send rags... I did nothing... She sent a crazy email about dressing the kids suitably.... I responded by saying thanks for the information, please keep me updated... I copped another crazy rant about taking me to court blah blah... I didn't respond... She informed me I had 14 days to respond or court action would commence. I responded again thanking her for keeping me updated.... These days I almost find it funny....Even if she is 2 hours dropping off the kids. BIG DEAL - I read a book and use the Macca's free Wi-Fi to pass the time.... My hair has long since gone grey but I'm not gonna let her cause my faces any more wrinkles...
Yep not legal advice just crazy management 101...

 

[ROWE]

Have to agree....unless her action is causing harm or loss, going to court is a whole lot worse than her rants and raves.....

 

[AllForHer]

Gee whiz, your case sounds familiar. I feel like I've read the decision on Austlii, or maybe just one like it.

Anyway.

This is tricky, because you already have orders from the Court, which makes them difficult to change. Applications to change orders need to meet the Rice & Asplund threshold, which is that there's been a significant change in circumstances from when the orders were made, such that they no longer meet the best interests of the children, thereby warranting a change to the orders.

So, your first step is always to organise a family dispute resolution conference with the mother to negotiate changing the orders so that both parents are restrained from attending the children's school during their time with the other parent, except as otherwise agreed (and for extra curricular activities, if the current orders so permit her attendance at them).

Failing that, you could at least file an initiating application with the Court to vary the existing orders and let the Court decide whether it will hear the matter or not. This is a fairly discrete issue, so who knows? The Court might agree that mum's attendance at the school isn't in the kids' best interests based on historical behaviours, and it might make an order accordingly. Worst case scenario, the Court dismisses the application and you find some other way to manage this problem.

The alternative is to file a civil application for an Apprehended Violence Order (AVO) and include an order that she not attend the children's school except as necessary to abide the provisions of the parenting orders. You might have some success, given you have a ruling from the Family Court about the issues caused at school. Most people accept AVOs without admission, and if they contest them, they don't often have much luck.

Or, you could simply let mum do whatever she needs to do to make herself feel better while you move on and ignore her. It doesn't matter how often she preaches that you only won because you 'lied your way through Court' or because 'the judge was completely biased' or whatever, the reality is that you have sole parental responsibility and the kids live with you. Even idiots can't ignore that...