NSW Parents in Law taking us to Court for Visitation

[Sparky85]

My wife has essentially been estranged from her parents for the past 2-3 years after we both had a huge disagreement with them that left us $30k in debt. The MIL has a history of substance abuse, depression and has attempted suicide in front of my wife when she lived at home with them (prior to us being married). The FIL is a misogynist who neglected my wife during her childhood whilst focusing solely on her older two brothers lives. He is also violent and has taken a swing at me in the past after I declined an alcoholic drink and attempted to leave his house. Both of her parents have not really liked me since we first met, however they have apologized for the violent outburst of her father and things were civil but that is about it.

She has wanted very little to do with them for the past 4-5 years and did not tell them when she was pregnant as we decided we did not wish for her parents to play a role in our child's life. I have had no contact with the PIL for the last 4 yrs.

We had a son late last year and my wife told her brothers and invited them to see him at the hospital. They told her parents and we made it clear that we did not wish to see them. We were recently advised that they approached the Family Dispute Resolution Centre to start mediation for visitation rights when he was only two weeks old. The FDR chose not to proceed initially as we already had enough stress with that of a newborn and advised my PIL that the FDR would not intervene at the time. Should the PIL wish to proceed they should need to return in a few months time.

To both our surprise her parents tried to proceed with mediation again after 5 months. We have had practically nothing to do with them in the last 3-4 years and now that we have a son they wish to start a relationship with him.

We started the mediation process and attended the first two visits at the FDR Centre and have since received a Section 60l Certificate after they deemed that the process was not going to be suitable for our case due to the emotional distress it was causing both of us (especially my wife - reliving the horror stories of her mums substance abuse and suicide attempt).

I have been searching through as many different precedent cases as I can to know what we are in for... the laws changing in 2006 have really made things interesting. We never knew that grandparents had any rights prior to receiving the letter to begin mediation. To think that a court could potentially order us to allow her parents to spend time with our son is causing my wife immense stress. We have a great relationship (been together for 17 years and married for 7) and our son is our world. He has a relationship with every other family member including his great grandparents on both sides, my parents, all of his Aunties and Uncles.

Has anyone else been through something remotely similar? and what are we likely to expect? The majority of previous cases I can find relate to divorcees and their parents, very few relate to married couples.

 

[AllForHer]

Yes, there's not a lot of cases published about circumstances like these. Why? Because not a lot are initiated in Court, and even fewer again actually proceed to trial. Not a great deal of lawyers will encourage estranged in-laws to pursue parenting orders. If there's no relationship already, they're unlikely to succeed beyond the basic order of time as agreed between the parties.

But all the same, I invite you to act with some compassion. Imagine yourself in their shoes and your own son in yours. I understand there may be some bad blood there, but maybe your wife should forgive her parents' for how they acted while enduring through difficult times of their own. After all, even our parents are just people, far from perfect and certainly not exempt from mental health conditions or errors in judgement.

 

[Sparky85]

Yes, there's not a lot of cases published about circumstances like these. Why? Because not a lot are initiated in Court, and even fewer again actually proceed to trial. Not a great deal of lawyers will encourage estranged in-laws to pursue parenting orders. If there's no relationship already, they're unlikely to succeed beyond the basic order of time as agreed between the parties.

But all the same, I invite you to act with some compassion. Imagine yourself in their shoes and your own son in yours. I understand there may be some bad blood there, but maybe your wife should forgive her parents' for how they acted while enduring through difficult times of their own. After all, even our parents are just people, far from perfect and certainly not exempt from mental health conditions or errors in judgement.

Thanks AllForHer for your reply. The mental health issues are still ongoing and are closely tied to the substance abuse, the fact that they really only want a relationship with our son and not a meaningful relationship with either of us has made the forgiveness and compassion hard for both of us to try.

I would like to think that if I were to ask someone for something as important as spending time with their child, that I do so knowing that I am trusted, responsible and have good intentions. When my wife and I think of her parents we don't trust them, don't feel they are responsible and their efforts to see him are just another way for her father to exert control of her once again.

I really appreciate your feedback and I will let you know how it ends up playing out.

 

[MRNGF653]

Thanks AllForHer for your reply. The mental health issues are still ongoing and are closely tied to the substance abuse, the fact that they really only want a relationship with our son and not a meaningful relationship with either of us has made the forgiveness and compassion hard for both of us to try.

I would like to think that if I were to ask someone for something as important as spending time with their child, that I do so knowing that I am trusted, responsible and have good intentions. When my wife and I think of her parents we don't trust them, don't feel they are responsible and their efforts to see him are just another way for her father to exert control of her once again.

I really appreciate your feedback and I will let you know how it ends up playing out.

Hi,
I am extremely fearful that my husband and I are about to go through the same thing, in an almost identical situation to yours. Was the outcome in your favour? I really hope it was