SA is this parental alienation?

[lillypilly]

Hi guys,
I am wondering what is classed as "parental alienation" and what could the outcome be for this sort of thing?
The short version is that our son has had to move into his Fathers house (He had done some things to the girls and he is not safe to be in the same house as them...) and our two daughters are still with me. This was sorted at FDR in Oct last year. It was put into a parenting plan that our son lives with his father and the girls with me and the girls go to their dads one weekend and the other our son comes to mine. No overnights. Prior to this I had a close relationship with our son ( our son also has a lot of mental health issues) However since he has lived with his father I have only seen him twice. in the amount of time that has passed it should of been 7. Our son has also become very "hatefull" towards myself and my partner and has been saying things that his father has said in the past- same nasty phrases etc.
We have another FDR coming up in a week and I know it will most likely not be sorted there. I guess im not sure if the Judge would look at this as my ex not following the parenting plan or if I should let it go?
Sorry in advance if I haven't been clear in it- I am a little emotional with it and trying to look at it in all ways.
Thanks

 

[AllForHer]

Do you have parenting orders or just a parenting plan? Have you had orders in the past?

 

[lillypilly]

Hi, they are parenting orders. The next fdr is also to discuss overnight time possibly starting. I am very worried about this and want to refuse because DCP have a safety plan in place that the girls if staying with their dad had to sleep in their dads room (our son is to be watched like a hawk and fully supervised when with the girls). I let them try a sleep over and then found out that one of the girls had slept on the bottom bunk with our son on the top bunk while our other daughter slept on a matress shard with their dad on the floor in his room.

 

[AllForHer]

And how old are the kids?

 

[lillypilly]

Son is 10. Girls are 5 and 6

 

[AllForHer]

Okay, so if dad hasn't been facilitating the son's time with you, and if what you have is in fact parenting orders sealed by the Court, then you can file for a contravention order to have the issue addressed.

The Court doesn't really accept the term 'parental alienation' in parenting matters for a variety of reasons, but it does accept that there is a risk of harm in circumstances where one parent is not seen to support or encourage the child's relationship with the other parent. Most often, this comes up as a disputed fact in cases where the parents are both seeking primary residency.

To determine if lack of support and encouragement is a potential issue in a matter, the Court will order the completion of a family report. The family report writer basically interviews the various members of the family and if a child is seen to be resisting a relationship with one of their parents, the writer will try and assess whether such resistance is reflective of a genuine problem, or if it's more likely they're acting on influence from the problem parent. The report is then filed as evidence with the Court for the judge's consideration, and what they decide to do with that information is entirely discretionary.

What you've described doesn't necessarily amount to evidence that the father doesn't support or encourage the child's relationship with you, though. A family report writer is probably going to look very closely at what emotional and psychological consequences the child is experiencing as a result of whatever happened between him and his sisters. He is obviously vulnerable, so if he is feeling like he isn't getting the same level of help and support from you that has been extended to his sisters, then a family report writer may find this to be a genuine reason for resistance, rather than the result of influence from the father.

Is your son receiving any treatment, such as seeing a psychologist or a psychiatrist?

 

[lillypilly]

Yes he has been seeing a psychologist and councilling when in my care. But since going to his dads i dont know as my ex refuses ALL and ANY communication. Its very frustrating. DCP wanted to have our son in councilling for child sexual perpetrators however to my knowledge this has not happened. We had a family report done in August and the recommendations where all children live with me and only comtact with their father is supervised as there is a long history of DV and child abuse by my ex. Unfortunately when what happend i had no chioce but to send our son to his dad as DCP had no where else tp put him but he os to much of a risk to the other children

 

[AllForHer]

Yes, that does make it very difficult.

What do you see to be the best outcome? And are there proceedings already on foot? Has the Court indicated any direction given the current circumstances?

 

[lillypilly]

Yes its on track to go to trial in a couple of months but his legal aid funded and they wont do it past the next FDR. i guess im trying to work out if i can rightfully refuse the girls to sleep over and if a Judge would likely agree to this? My lawayer is wanting to go for sole parental responsibility for me with the girls. I feel this would be best for them too as this is just getting silly etc. I want them to be able to spend time with theor dad but given whats happend i truly believe they are only safe for daytime etc

 

[AllForHer]

Okay, so I don't make a habit of telling anyone it's okay to withhold the kids from the other parent.

However, the legislation does facilitate a parent withholding a child conditional on them having a genuine fear for the child's safety, and it must not be for a length of time which exceeds what is necessary or reasonable. While I only know a very small fraction of the full story here, the following elements lead me to believe you may be justified in withholding overnight time:

• DCP has intervened and protective measures imposed for the girls' safety;
• There's a family report recommending supervised time between the father and the children;
• The father has not communicated with you to put your mind at ease.

The 'length of time' for withholding presents challenges, so I would suggest writing to the father's lawyer and advising of your intentions and placing some conditions under which you will be happy for the girls to recommence time with him. For example, confirmation that your son is seeing a psychologist and contact details for the treating psychologist or that he has been enrolled in the program advised by CPS, that there are suitable sleeping arrangements that ensure the two girls are supervised at all times as expected by CPS, and that he abides the agreement made at your last FDR conference, and in the alternative, you'll be happy to enter into more suitable care arrangements at the next FDR conference.

Make sure you also amend your existing parenting orders application so that it reflects the circumstances now and the orders you think will address those concerns.