QLD Family Law - How to Prove Ex is an Unfit Father?

[Just a Mum]

Hi,

Family law states that the best interests of the child are of the utmost importance, both physically and psychologically. So my question is, how do I prove that the father of my four-month-old son will cause psychological damage to him? Am I able to refuse contact on these grounds?

After almost two years together, we separated when I was two months pregnant and he very quickly moved on to a new family. Throughout the pregnancy, the father alternated between demanding contact, and stating that he'd move away and not bother with us at all.

I sought legal advice and was told that his name had to be on the birth certificate, so I did that. I was also told that the father is entitled to see his son if he chooses to. So I allowed that despite it causing me emotional harm to do so.

The father has three grown children which have all shown extreme signs of being raised very badly. They are all drug addicts and teenage runaway delinquents. The eldest son now has irreparable brain damage from his drug use and is in and out of mental hospitals. The father of my son allows his children to speak very disrespectfully and abusively to him and then eventually flies off in a rage and acts irrationally and extreme.

He is also a pathological liar, so I am extremely concerned that no matter what I put in a parenting plan or consent orders, he will just do what he wants with my son and then lie to me. The father's home is also very unsafe for children, both physically/structurally (holes in floors and walls, broken glass) and with the threat of dangers imposed by drug addicts and alcoholics that frequent it.

I am extremely concerned for my son's physical safety as well as his psychological safety if he is forced to have to have this man in his life.

Do I have any rights as a mother to say that I know this man better than some judge sitting on their pedestal and that it is most definitely not in my son's best interests to have his father having any sort of regular care?

Please help me have some hope for my little boy.

Thank you.

 

[AllForHer]

Everything you've complained about here is speculative, so I guess my question to you is, what proof do you have that your son's father is unfit?

Your son - not you - has rights. Those rights are to have a relationship with both parents. In short, no, being a mother doesn't entitle you to decide whether your son has a relationship with his father. The law does, and the law says he can.

 

[Just a Mum]

Is there any proof that would get through to a judge? There are many many reasons that I know he will be bad for my son. And I know it has nothing to do with me, I am trying to do what a mother is supposed to do & that is to protect my child from harm.

With the help of a solicitor, I wrote a 100 page affidavit of proof outlining the harm my daughters father was doing her with his parental alienation & coaching of her in order to gain custody to avoid paying child support. It meant nothing to the judge. He got his percentage of custody & now just sends her off with relatives when hes supposed to have custody.

Is there any psychologically harm that a judge will take seriously and if there's not why is it mentioned as being of importance in the care of a child?

 

[sammy01]

How much time does dad get with the daughter? And how old is the child?

 

[MartyK]

Do I have any rights as a mother to say that I know this man better than some judge sitting on their pedestal and that it is most definitely not in my son's best interests to have his father having any sort of regular care?

If it goes to Court and the Judge is left with the decision, which I expect will be the case from what you say in your post, then the short answer is no!

 

[Just a Mum]

My daughter was 10 when her father abducted her from my care (took her from school). He now gets every second weekend from Friday to Tuesday & half holidays. She is a complete wreck & is talking to a really good councillor to help her through it.

The family law system is very out of touch with reality. The "parenting" courses we were ordered to do were a joke. It was also extremely insulting to be ordered to do a parenting course after raising a beautiful well mannered healthy young lady on my own for ten years.

 

[sammy01]

OK, hang on - you started by saying the child was a baby. So you've managed to keep this kids away from dad for 10 years?

Look, a 10-year-old should see their dad. I almost understand the argument that his other kids are twits... However, you blame dad for that - maybe it's mum's fault. Or the kids just made bad choices.

You have had your day in court and based on the info you provided. The dad is getting time with the child. Now learn to accept that the dad has not been deemed a risk and accept it, or act like a pork chop - refuse to follow the court orders.

But that will not end well for you.

Do the parenting course - speak positively to your kid about her dad and make the best of it.

 

[sammy01]

Sorry, just wanted to add a few things.

1- You never mentioned that the dad had harmed the kid. So you have kept a child away from their dad even though he did nothing to harm the child.... Wow.

2- If the child is anxious, it seems pretty bloody reasonable that you caused - read point 1 again...

So to get the nuts and bolts of this, you asked:

"Do I have any rights as a mother to say that I know this man better than some judge sitting on their pedestal".

The answer is hell no. The child has two parents - one who thinks she can pick her kid up and drop her kid off at school. That is you. And this other parent - if he picks his kid up from school according to you, it is abduction. Do you see how that shows how removed your attitude is from fair or for that matter removed from reality?

 

[Just a Mum]

No. I'm sorry if this is confusing as I haven't expressed myself very well.

My concerns now are for my four-month-old son. I'm due to do mediation with his dad next week to draw up a parenting plan but wondered if I have the right to protect my son or if some random judge with a one size fits all mentality will force me to knowingly ruin my son's life by allowing his father regular access to him.

My daughter is from my first relationship. I did everything I could to include her dad in her life, told him of all her concerts & events. He never bothered. The only time he came near us was to denigrate & undermine me in front of her. He abducted her when I moved one hour away in order to be nearer my family when I was pregnant & my son's father decided we were too much of a burden.

I was successful in a recovery order to get her back. But incredibly the judge said I was "just as stupid as him" for moving house without "his permission". We had been separated for 8 years. We had no court orders because he had always threatened to take her & " hide in the hills" if I tried to do anything like that.

The judge was very cruel & unjustifiably insulting to me without even reading my affidavit to understand the situation. As I said, the family law system is way out of touch with reality.

My concern for my son is that a "one size fits all" approach by judges is causing damage. This is what is leading to so many people getting away with domestic violence & child abuse, and teenagers ruining their lives making poor choices to deal with the damage caused by psychologically harmful parents.

 

[Just a Mum]

Sammy01, I think you need to get a lot of things straight. If you are one of the delusional judges making these accusations & ruining lives with your ill informed rants, then God help us all. Please try to get your facts straight before attacking people.