VIC Custody of Children and Intervention Order through Lies - What to Do?

[Harry Brown]

My partner recently migrated to Australia and our 2 young children were both born overseas but have Australian citizenship and I have been the sole primary carer of both children here in Australia without any help since my son was 8 months and now he is 5 years old, my daughter since she was 5 months and now she is 26 months old.

After supporting and sponsoring her and signing a lease on a house, she told me that she did not want to be with me and demanded I give our 2 children to her and leave now that she has permanent residency but she knows I have been an exemplary father as witnessed by many people and she has also been informed that she will have difficulty getting custody of children because of the emotional attachment we have, so now she is attempting (for the second time) to abuse the legal system to destroy my credibility and take the children by bypassing the Family Court and applying for an intervention order against me based on terrible lies and distorted truths. (The first time she endangered my children, injured my son, attacked me (after drinking) but fell and hurt herself and then accused me of assault resulting in an intervention order that was withdrawn)

She has many people from her cultural group who also abused the system, left the man who sponsored them, took the children and found new partners who are advising her on what to say and ways to beat the system and she knew none of them before we broke up last month, while she was in court having a 12 month final intervention order placed against her for an assault on my ex-wife she was heard conspiring with other women on ways to discredit me and being advised on how to take the children from me.

I have serious concerns that the courts will not give me the opportunity to present the abundant proof I have of her history of deceit, betrayal, violence, neglect and intentional deception, allowing the children to be placed even temporarily in her care without the facts being known as she is the violent one but her accusations make me out to be a monster which could not be further from the truth as I am the most decent man and loving father around and have dedicated my life to raising my children and had no social life or companions in the 6 years.

She knows she cost me the greatest love of my life 6 years ago with her lies. I have cancer, I am an exemplary father, I supported her for 6 years overseas while I was also taking care of the children myself, I sacrificed everything to pay for her migration and used my last ever chance to sponsor a partner. I forgave her countless betrayals and lies, she made endless promises of a wonderful, loving, affectionate and happy family life that never happened and she just wants to take everything from me and leave me with no life and no future, but I have been told there is nothing I can do about it legally.

If her intervention order is successful then it will destroy what is left of my life in many ways, not only have I been the best father you would ever meet but I am a forgiving, generous, patient, gentle, supportive and loving partner who has never hurt her or done anything bad to her. I will never recover from this or be able to have another relationship or family because of what she has done to me and cost me and it will be too late for me but the laws must change to stop people like her abusing the system and especially intervention orders and taking very valuable resources away from the people who genuinely need help, it happened to me and it will keep happening to other men.

Is there anything I can do to protect my children, stop her from destroying my reputation with her lies or take action against her for what she cost me (not only money) under Family Law?

 

[sammy01]

sorry to hear about your situation.

Can you give some more details about the current living arrangements for yourself and the kids? Are they named as protected persons on the AVO?

 

[Harry Brown]

Thanks, Sammy

She has put both the children on the application for an intervention order which will be heard on December 1st so that she can take the children before the family court proceedings and if she is successful with the order it will make it much harder to be successful through the family court.

She and I were both told that I would be preferred as the primary carer because of our attachment and I have an exemplary reputation as a father so she has been advised by her cultural group on ways to beat the system.

Both children have been in my sole care since they were only months old and my son is now 5 and currently with his mother and our daughter is 26 months old and is currently with me as that was the situation on the day we broke up. She demanded I leave our son with her, give her our daughter and leave but on advice, my daughter is still with me.

We had just signed the lease on the house where she is living, but I never had the chance to sleep there before she told me she did not want to be with me so I am temporarily renting a bungalow with the option to rent the full house on this property if the children live with me.

She is the one with the history of violence, in the past. She "unintentionally" injured our son while she was trying to attack me and has a current 12 month intervention order against her for assault on my ex-wife and my older daughter and I have seen her mistreating our son on the last 2 occasions we visited her house before she said she did not want me there.

 

[sammy01]

have you spoken to a solicitor...

Look I reckon you should resist the AVO or at least ask that the kids be removed..

 

[Harry Brown]

Yes, thanks Sammy

As humiliating and embarrassing it will be to stand up in front of people thinking her accusations may be true, I will be there and have engaged a solicitor, to request a contested hearing in the hope that I can present evidence and witnesses but most of all I do not want my daughter to be placed with her even temporarily until that hearing because she has an issue with anger and violence, admitting she cannot control our son so how much more if she has our daughter there as well because she is going through the "terrible 2's"? She is an amazing and very smart little girl but very strong headed and has attitude, so I know first hand that she can be a handful and when she is with our son it can be a nightmare so without experience in raising children or acceptable methods of discipline, I am genuinely concerned for their welfare and safety.

 

[N Knight]

It is unfortunate what she has done to you, more and more women use the IVO system as a means to get "a quick fix". If you have been the primary carer for the children, and your 26-month-old daughter and DHHS has never been involved, I would resist the IVO application and in fact, advise the Magistrate that the children should be off the order. I would also ask the Magistrate to make an order that you have a lawyer appointed by Legal Aid.

 

[Harry Brown]

It is unfortunate what she has done to you, more and more women use the IVO system as a means to get "a quick fix". If you have been the primary career for the children, and your 26-month-old daughter and DHHS has never been involved, I would resist the IVO application and in fact, advise the Magistrate that the children should be off the order. I would also ask the Magistrate to make an order that you have a lawyer appointed by Legal Aid.

Thank you, Nickita

The police and nearly every legal adviser I have spoken to agree that the system is being abused and the worst thing is the new law amendments give them permission to make any lie or accusation with no need for proof and the promise of no punishment if they are proved to have lied in court. I am so disheartened as I believed in strength of justice and truth in the law and courts, but it has nothing to do with it now.

She only made the accusations some time after we broke up and one week after I refused to withdraw from my family court application because she was advised I would have a preference as primary carer.

The sad thing is that our children have only ever been harmed by their mother and while in her care and even recently another person and myself witnessed mistreatment of my son which was a reportable offence on 2 occasions. It was reported to DHS in detail with a full history of the situation but their reply was "we have looked into the claim but will not be taking the matter any further" yet if it was a man I know DHS would have taken the children within the hour.

The mother is neglectful and has violence and anger issues and admitted not being able to control our son when he was only being a typical 5-year-old, so how much more when he is out of control or when my daughter is with her as well?

A serious issue is also that my son is physically violent with our daughter and needs constant supervision when they are together. I saw him push her from the top of the steps but I was there to catch her and he constantly hits her and pushes her over but their mother sits watching TV while the children run through the house slamming doors so I am terrified what will happen if they are together and not supervised. When my daughter is injured it is too late and too worthless for me to say "I told you so".

Legal aid were useless, they just told me to go to the courthouse and apply for a recovery order which was not possible because of the high threshold at the moment and they told me to get FLAPS to help me start the process.

I feel so helpless and alone seeing what she is able to do to me and I am powerless to do anything.

I had to go further into debt to retain a solicitor for the mention and at this point still have my daughter with me as the intervention order was still not issued but I fear I will lose her at the directions hearing as she may be granted an interim order at that time and she said she wants to go straight to the contested hearing.

She has also been in contact with my church group and all of the people who were willing to stand up for me in court and swear what an exemplary father and wonderful man I am but now they have all turned against me based purely on her lies even though before speaking to her they were constantly complimenting me on how good I am as a father and they knew the stress and suffering I went through in order to make her migration possible even though she had betrayed me and used me so much.

I honestly have no faith in the legal system as it is allowing her to say and do whatever it takes to discredit me and they only have to be "convinced" that she believes it and she is an amazing performer, that is how she got me to constantly forgive her and give so many "last chances".

 

[Ajeet Singh]

Hi There

I have a similar case with me, rather bit more worst but luckily i don't have kids. Its exactly similar situation with me i sponsored her on spouse visa and all and after getting PR, she started the similar things.

Recently an year ago, I was buying a house and was going through a painful period to arrange finances, where she never supported into it and never wanted to be on mortgage loans and all. I borrowed too much of money from friends and family to get this house. Before moving to this house, she made a mess and was trying to shout a loud, so that people can hear and call the police, as she always tried to previously. But this time i decided I will leave her and I moved to my new house alone.

I was living there for 2 months alone, all of a sudden she started sending me messages about if i am thinking of any relationship, i was clear on it that if she keep using the same tactics i don't want to be with here but after two weeks of meetings and all, I got her into new house. Just after a month or so the same thing started happening. On any minor thing she would start yelling, throws doors, even if i go away from her in backyard she would come behind me to shout un-necessary. I consulted the mens online and few lawyers about the same, as she was not even entitle on house, all those people suggested me to sell the house if she is not ready to move on.

I consulted the real estate agents and agreed to sell the house and told them all the stories as well, where one of the real estate even told me that he will go with her colleague to make her understand that its in both of our favor if things goes amicably. After knowing that and before as well, she used to threat me of police all the time, and used to say that if somebody will go out from this house will be me. One sunday she went to Gym in the morning and after that went to some of her friends, whole day she was out and I was resting in home. All of a suddent at 5PM police came to me and said we have IVO against you, you need to move out of this house ????? What ??? They kicked me out of my house having no place to go. I stayed in hotels & then moved to some of my friends place back in July 17.

After this she was trying to call my friends and telling them the she didn't want this blah blah and when we appeared in the court, I wanted to contest this case as it was all on false allegation, but i got to know that she revoked all the condition from the IVO and i can come back home, but can't commit family violence, but this was a last limit for me and i told her that I won't be coming back to you now and ever. I will sell the house and settle and move on, but later her lawyers and herself kept on extending it a long with negotiations and all and unfortunately i am going into debts everyday, as i am paying all the mortgages and everything and then i had to pay rent for my accomodations as well, where i am not over debt and expanses more than my salary.

She again tried to contact my friends that, I didn't want money or this and even if i get money I will return to his account, where as through her lawyers she was always demanding money more than $50K and super. To my friends she told me that if once i talk to her, i started talking to her and she was telling me that its not she wants money its her lawyer telling her to do so and she has to follow that!!! Funny!!! But still i told her, I will never come back to her after all this and would still like to offer you money so that we can settle and move on in our lives. She told me Ok, send her lawyers the offer again and she will talk to their lawyer once more. I sent the offer to her lawyers the offer of $20K cash and $20K super which was even beyond my capacity, as i was trying to refinace the house to get the extra amount to give her. Her lawyers replied that if i want to retain the house i have to pay $50K and 50% super. That was again a shock, as she was telling me something else and sending something else from her lawyers. We spoke again, and her answers were same again, that no its just a mail don't bother about it, I am with you. I will talk to my lawyer again you send the same offer. Lawyers can't send any emails or offer without your consent.

Now after getting my loan re-finance approval, they find that she put a caveat on the house and before they can finally give me this loan, they wanted a caveate agreement where they can directly give this money to her. We tried to approach her in October and found that she is not here in Australia, she went to India. Now i was in a stuck condition, and approached police that i want to access my house because i want to rent it out or sell it and the condition of house from outside was poor as she was not maintaining it at all, big weeds and all. Police told me that if its my house, then i can access it any time break the window and enter, as you have no conditions not to go there & i am the only listed on titles. Me and my friend went to the house and found that locks were changed as the keys i had were not working, with the help of locksmith we changed the locks and found that house was completely vacated, and I have many proofs of the same.

For a month since 1st November - 7th December, I was living there and house were being inspected my real estate agents as i planned to rent it out, so that i can manage some finances and settle the amount with her. But on 7th while i was in office, somebody called me that someone is tresspassing the house, i called one of my friend and agent to go and look, and meanwhile called 000 as well. My real estate agent found that it was my ex who was trying to break the doors. I asked one of my friend to call her and advise not to do that, as we have called the police, she replied she will handle the police.

She might have called the police as well, but when i went to werribee police station in the evening to discuss the matter and to obtain a IVO against her, they informed me that they though that i am breaching something, but later talking to me and getting to know about all the information about situation and previous discussion with his colleague on 1st November before accessing the house. The constable informed me mate you are doing the things right no problem, we were in wrong impression as she called us as well. They informed me that if she will come to us in the evening we will inform her the same. I asked the constable i want an IVO against her so that she can't go to property, but he said if i have to obtain IVO i should go to court ??? why ???? She can get IVOs on false allegation and all but I can't get IVO against her after all this ????? But anyways, I called up court that day (Thursday) and they given me the appointment of Tuesday, after explaining the situation as well. Ok if that is the process now, I had to follow. But on Monday while in office, Police came to my office ???????? I was shocked and surprised, and they informed me that we want to handover this IVO to you, you should not be going to my property ?????? Is this is a JOKE ?????????? She might have gone to court on Friday and got the previous IVO varied??? HOW ? WHAT BASIS ???? IS THIS A SYSTEM OR A JOKE ?????

I was against this order and applied for Leave, 1st hearing nothing, 2nd hearing again nothing now i have another date for "mention" / contest on 1st march??

I am now in condition where i can't go to my house, paying Mortgages, double bills, council rates, managing my rents, payments to lawyers ... near to more than a bankruptcy, this situation had lead me down under more $20K of debts as i am forced to use all my credit cards to full of the limits, borrowing another personal loans to maintain things... but now its getting more than anything... where i am unable to live a life and nothing seems to be settling.

I have my solicitors but not very fruitful, as they are just asking for money for a while, as they do what i asked them to. I am really in need of some urgent help.