We have been successfully following consent orders with ex-wife for 6yrs. She has now requested we change our arrangement as she has remarried and wants every second weekend ‘child free’. Her new husbands ex has no parenting plan and refuses to change. For us to change would be a huge disruption. Do we need to make changes to our routine to accommodate her new family? Children are not close and have never spent any school holidays together. Thanks
QLD Changing consent orders to accommodate ex-partners new step-children
- Thread starter Confused Mum
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- consent orders
do you have any obligation? Nope. If it wont kill ya is it a good idea? probably... Is she gonna cause you grief if you don't? and is it better to do the swap to stop the grief? leave it up to you...
I'm cunning... So I'm assuming it isn't a 50/50 arrangement with? I'm assuming you have the kids for alternate weekends? Would you like more time with the kids? Suggest you guys have the kids 3 weekends out of 4... So she gets one weekend a month kid free...
I'm cunning... So I'm assuming it isn't a 50/50 arrangement with? I'm assuming you have the kids for alternate weekends? Would you like more time with the kids? Suggest you guys have the kids 3 weekends out of 4... So she gets one weekend a month kid free...
Hi Sammy, we are 50/50 however she has made it very clear that she is not open to giving us more time, but wants us to change because if we don’t, it will make her life unbearable (no mention of our child spending time with his step-siblings) who only spend 4 nights a fortnight with them anyways ... however during those 4 nights, our son with with us so only spends 2 nights per fortnight in the same house as the other kids and they don’t take holidays together because in her words ‘taking holidays with 4 kids is a nightmare’. Probably is however I feel it’s not up to us to change our current arrangements to fix her life. If we thought our son had a close relationship with his step-siblings we would in a heartbeat make the change (even though there would be a heap of work to reorganise our life) however it’s all about her and having a weekend off. Thanks for taking the time to respond !
The short answer is no, you're under no obligation to change the consent orders.
Should you think about being a bit more flexible? Absolutely.
It seems a bit short-sighted to criticise the fact that the kids only spend two nights a fortnight with their step-siblings and therefore don't meet your expectations of having a close relationship with them, while simultaneously refusing more time for the kids to spend with their step-siblings to build a closer relationship with them. I feel like that benefit to the kids is the most obvious impact of trading weekends, surely mum doesn't need to actually say it for you to put two and two together?
I'm also not entirely clear on how they could possibly spend holidays with all the kids when the subject children and the step-children are on such different care schedules that they only spend two nights a fortnight together. Of course that's going to be hard - are they meant to just have two-day holidays each time, or should they just leave half the kids behind, or do you expect them to wrangle with both you and the other ex to sort out a holiday schedule that enables them to vacation with everyone?
This kind of inflexibility and lack of empathy is why ex-partners spend their whole lives fighting about the kids instead of just getting on with the gig of parenting. You need to ask yourself if you're refusing to shuffle care time for valid reasons, or if you're refusing just because you kind of enjoy the control and making mum's life difficult.
Word to the wise: If you take the high road and make concessions for her, maybe she will start making concessions for you, too.
Should you think about being a bit more flexible? Absolutely.
It seems a bit short-sighted to criticise the fact that the kids only spend two nights a fortnight with their step-siblings and therefore don't meet your expectations of having a close relationship with them, while simultaneously refusing more time for the kids to spend with their step-siblings to build a closer relationship with them. I feel like that benefit to the kids is the most obvious impact of trading weekends, surely mum doesn't need to actually say it for you to put two and two together?
I'm also not entirely clear on how they could possibly spend holidays with all the kids when the subject children and the step-children are on such different care schedules that they only spend two nights a fortnight together. Of course that's going to be hard - are they meant to just have two-day holidays each time, or should they just leave half the kids behind, or do you expect them to wrangle with both you and the other ex to sort out a holiday schedule that enables them to vacation with everyone?
This kind of inflexibility and lack of empathy is why ex-partners spend their whole lives fighting about the kids instead of just getting on with the gig of parenting. You need to ask yourself if you're refusing to shuffle care time for valid reasons, or if you're refusing just because you kind of enjoy the control and making mum's life difficult.
Word to the wise: If you take the high road and make concessions for her, maybe she will start making concessions for you, too.
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