Yes, every comment and help given here is correct. And like you, I paid for food and made all cooked meals enough for him and my children plus snacks, everything including filling up his cupboards and fridge and freezers to make sure my children are including spending money when out with their father as he would have them out all day and not buy them a drink or anything to eat. New clothing and shoes, etc., only for them to come home with adult clothing from his latest girlfriend, of shop crap that was too small to big or God knows what, and find out the clothing brand new outfits and shoes they chose themselves and liked ( all well dressed) were not allowed to be worn because it was brought from me.
Stil , you don't lower yourself to their standard or mentality. For me, I'm teaching my children how to dress well which they have grown up and do. That's great. They also know how to eat properly and what good food is even though the children were not allowed nor given anything I gave them and made only frozen crap if that. And the money I gave them was given to him even though I gave him $100 for his pocket, and yes he was working a very good high paying job.
As allforher stated is all correct. Please remember CSA count only nights spent not days. Keep recites for all school fees ( mine I pay for is private) uniforms stationary books, clothing, excursions, entertainment ( as CSA have changed there) and really kept a diary when you have the children , dates, times, child care, etc., as it is also tax deductible.
I did this all when I wasn't working regarding clothing, food, schooling, just as I did when working. Yes, it meant I didn't eat or buy clothing for myself and I personally missed out and I received $50 per month from a high paying ex who had a good high paying job n he got away with it, but I still made food enough for my children, him and filled his cupboards and fridge whether it was a weekend or whenever, including taking lunch to school for them as they (so I found out) were given a packet of chips and nothing else or their friends shared their lunch or office women at school brought salad rolls for them.
Basically , school frees, inside and outside school activities are part of child support payments up to 75%. You still have to pay %25 in money. If you write everything down what you buy, and how many nights are spent with you as that is how they calculate the percentage of care, you will be surprised what they will do to work with you. The thing is - we love our children. We want the best for them and as everyone hear says, best to grin and bare it because children are not stupid. No words need to be said. They remember and more observant and smarter than people like to think. Money will not pay for their memory of what you did for them. Just show them you love them. Have fun, listen to them, if anything, give them skills.
As you know your ex-partner, he's not going to change and don't bad mouth them as children will work out and accept or not accept parents as they are but you can teach them ways to get around situations when it comes to their other parent. But my friend, children do cost money whether with you or not.
Whether 8, 18, 28 etc. I will always put my children first before myself and knew they were going to cost me money for the rest of my life before I had them.Lol. And when they are 18-years-old, if not before, at least payment of the ex is not included.
My daughter is 29 and I'm still paying for her to keep her healthy. And my 16-year-old. I know how you feel and it is not fair. But you will be better off relationship-wise and children are grateful as they don't forget what you done for them, how long you drove to obtain them including instate, getting them to spend time with them or taking them to sports, etc. getting them oout of trouble or solving their problems or advising them. Be a proud parent- they will be proud of you!
I say this as though my oldest is 29 and youngest is 16. And I have four children. They are my children ( yes and the ex) but they have worked out who cares for them.
If it eases anything , they know I'm here for them and just tonight just before I wrote here, talked and saved my eldest from committing suicide due to her father. Life is precious! Children for me are my heart. I am glad your ex is not like my ex and if he is on the dole you will have to pay as in my day when you didn't work you had to pay child support and I did happily even tho like you with or without a job I was still the same.
They come first. I hope and by the sounds of it your children are healthy and not an evil person. That is one thing you must be grateful for. All the best. You can also mediate with Relationship Australia or a mediation Practioner or they have mediation in CSA. CSA are not so ridget as they use to be. Please also put down your personal and household costs, etc. your payment to ex will lessen. Look into it. CSA do not want you starving and on the streets.
Good luck!
