NSW Relevance of chronic pain medication/access being denied

[RAM7778]

Yeah - it does not sound very normal.

I assume you have done your intake session for mediation then? That would be a good place to discuss with the mediator some of the concerns you have and the behaviour that you have witnessed. In the discussion (intake session) it is a good idea to try and show the mediator the impact on the children and concerns you have with respect to the children.

Remember the mediator is exactly that (it's someone to help the negotiation not someone to make a judgment on the merits of your case). There are two stories and their job is to bring the parties closer to an agreement. So it is a good idea to formulate in your head as to what your absolute "worst outcome" is and negotiate for anything better. I assume you will go to mediation asking for 50 / 50 care or more? It is often a good idea to go with multiple different care options which shows that you have given thought to the kids and other parents situation and show a willingness to negotiate and look for options. Bear in mind the impact this might have on the kids being apart from what is their "primary carer". As much as it sounds like she has not acted in a very good manner with respect to the kids she has still been their carer and it is what the children "know". A change to this will likely be disruptive. A gradual re-introduction into the other parent's life is often preferred once matters where there has been minimal to no access go to court. Playing the patient long game is certainly prudent advice.

Re: the other parent being lonely (and saying so) and keeping the kids out of school - Do you have evidence of this? I believe that this is something the courts will be critical of and deem as a risk factor to the children. Putting your own interests before the children's is not on. With evidence such as this (compromising your children's education to satisfy your own loneliness - sounds like borderline abuse to me) you may want to look for obtaining orders where care is primarily placed in your hands. I'd suggest you seek legal advice with respect to this.

Good luck

38 days off? WTF? That is nearly 8weeks. Please tell that that was because of Covid? But even with Covid schools only closed for 2 weeks and then had partial attendance for 2 weeks.

Contact the school. They should be compliant with a request for school reports and attendance records. Start applying some pressure to her to be a parent.

Get yourself into court and go for 50/50 care. IF your partner is on a disability pension he might be considered appropriate for legal aid. So he gets free legals (or heavily subsidised) and she will have to pay a solicitor. Get this stuff sorted.

Yep 38 days, and nope was not this year it was last year so not due to Covid.

We did try and contact the school previously and they called her to advise that the father had requested school reports......He didn't see the kids for nearly 4 months after that.

We can't to 50/50 as we are in NSW and she is in ACT, without even meeting these little people I want to go for primary care. but I know that will be unlikely due to the fact they have been with her and allowed only limited contact to the father. That would be a very big change on the poor little things.

No hubby does not receive a pension he suffers with chronic pain but he refuses to let it control or change his life. He works full time, in the eyes of legal aid we earn too much to get any assistance. Her on the other hand has been on centerlink claiming everything she possibly can since the day they separated so it will be her that will have legal aid assisting.

 

[Rosscoe]

We are due to have our intake session next week. We already know she will ignore it and not show up. Last time my partner tried this she didn't show up and ignored all letters and phone calls. He previously got his certificate to go to court. When he spoked to her and said he would proceed she hurled abuse, made all sorts of threats dragged the kids out of the house and told them that daddy was trying to take mummy away from them and they would never see her again. The kids started to cry and said daddy please don't, pf course it was see! See what you are doing to the kids do you really want to be the person who puts them though all this, do you want to be the parent they hate. My partner is not a fighter and hates conflict so he backed down. (this was before we were together so he believed her threats and didn't think the courts or system would help in anyway)

As much as want to apply for a live with order I know going in all guns blazing will not help us. Mind you I have never meet these little humans as her response was they do not need to know me or my children and that my partner needs to focus on "His Family" and her children don't need to be part of it.

Yes we do have evidence of why she kept them home, we have a recording of one of them telling my partner "We didn't go to school this week daddy". when he asked why were you sick he replied "no mummy said we could stay at home because she didn't want to be lonely". "I told mummy I wanted to go but she said no"

Once we get to court, my intention is to submit a notice of risk against the mother due to mental health. I will be requesting that the mother attend an approved phycologist to asses her separation anxiety and ability to provide adequate emotional care to the children.

Since they have not had an overnight stay or spent anytime alone with their father I will be suggesting a staged approach and break each section down by school term. (Bare in mind we are in NSW she is in ACT) Yep my partner has to drive 3 hours every 3 weeks to spend 2 hours with his kids with her present. (his parents and brother live in the ACT)
Term 1: The children shall spend time with the father from 8am to 6pm every second Saturday and Sunday (children get returned at night to her) Focus on building the relationship and bond
During school holiday the Children will spend time with the father (either first or second week) each day from 8am to 7pm with 3 overnight stays included. (facilitated at his parents house)
Term 2: The children shall spend time with the father from 6pm Friday till 6pm Sunday (facilitated at parents or uncles house)
During the school holidays the children shall spend time with the father on a week about basis commencing at 6pm Friday. (Facilitated at the fathers home)
Term 3: The children shall spend time with the father each alternate weekend commencing 6pm Friday till 6pm Sunday (Facilitated at the father home address) Change over shall occur Marulan McDonald's
The children shall spend time with the father on a week about basis facilitated at the fathers home address, change over shall occur at Marulan McDonalds
(Christmas day will also come into this section but that's an easy one year on year off)

I think this way if we show the judge we are willing to take a staged approach we are focusing on what is in the best interest of the children as we don't want them to all of a sudden just be told okay your coming with us for the weekend. They are only little so it would be very overwhelming for them.

A few things re this post. It does seem like you have some good ideas re: a manageable schedule for the kids.

I am not sure why overnights should not be at your home. It may be a good idea to introduce you and your kids slowly as part of initial visits. I have done this process myself and when done in the correct manner I believe it is very beneficial. There are great counsellors who can help with blended family and step family dynamics and I would make use of one.

Try your best not to get caught up in the whirlwind (sh!t show) that the other house sounds like it is - ignore the threats, ignore the denigration etc etc (but definitely gather all the information / evidence you can along the way). In your draft orders it is standard to include clauses to the effect that you can't denigrate the other parent and so on. Definitely include that. However, involving kids in the grown up disputes and blaming the other parent etc is a slippery slope and her behaviour will not be viewed well. Keep detailed records of everything going forward now (e.g. diaries that provide an accurate recollection of events are regularly admitted as evidence into court in family matters). Back this evidence up and verify as much as possible. If something significant happens, email yourself and attach docs etc therefore there is a time stamp etc.

Regarding the video recording you have... hmmm... this can be tricky in family matters involving children. I am sure in this instance it sounds like the kids have unreasonably been kept out of school for the mother's benefit. But put yourself in the shoes of the mother's solicitor - he / she could easily turn around and say that you were coaching the kids to say these things etc etc...(I am not proferring a view as to what has happened here, just calling it how it is and how a lawyer will counter such evidence when it is presented. Family court is a shitty place, and the reality is, coaching of children does happen, genuine videos evidencing poor parenting does happen too, but accusations of all sorts get thrown about constantly. I'm not saying the video is not proof of the attitude of the mother but it can easily be used against you too.

Now... something I think you should consider and perhaps speak to a solicitor about. The family law act presumes parents have equal parental responsibility. that is the obligation to make decisions like schooling, health etc jointly. You may want to discuss the behaviour of the other parent in light of this, especially if you are going notice of risk route. To put it in layman's terms- if you lodge a notice of risk and don't at the very least ask for Sole Parental Responsibility in your orders, the court may think you are not very serious about the notice of risk because you on the surface of it appear happy to still have equal responsibility of the children. Courts very rarely award SPR, but this doesn't mean they don't when there is genuine risk to the children. Well worth discussing with a solicitor.

 

[RAM7778]

A few things re this post. It does seem like you have some good ideas re: a manageable schedule for the kids.

I am not sure why overnights should not be at your home. It may be a good idea to introduce you and your kids slowly as part of initial visits. I have done this process myself and when done in the correct manner I believe it is very beneficial. There are great counsellors who can help with blended family and step family dynamics and I would make use of one.

Try your best not to get caught up in the whirlwind (sh!t show) that the other house sounds like it is - ignore the threats, ignore the denigration etc etc (but definitely gather all the information / evidence you can along the way). In your draft orders it is standard to include clauses to the effect that you can't denigrate the other parent and so on. Definitely include that. However, involving kids in the grown up disputes and blaming the other parent etc is a slippery slope and her behaviour will not be viewed well. Keep detailed records of everything going forward now (e.g. diaries that provide an accurate recollection of events are regularly admitted as evidence into court in family matters). Back this evidence up and verify as much as possible. If something significant happens, email yourself and attach docs etc therefore there is a time stamp etc.

Regarding the video recording you have... hmmm... this can be tricky in family matters involving children. I am sure in this instance it sounds like the kids have unreasonably been kept out of school for the mother's benefit. But put yourself in the shoes of the mother's solicitor - he / she could easily turn around and say that you were coaching the kids to say these things etc etc...(I am not proferring a view as to what has happened here, just calling it how it is and how a lawyer will counter such evidence when it is presented. Family court is a shitty place, and the reality is, coaching of children does happen, genuine videos evidencing poor parenting does happen too, but accusations of all sorts get thrown about constantly. I'm not saying the video is not proof of the attitude of the mother but it can easily be used against you too.

Now... something I think you should consider and perhaps speak to a solicitor about. The family law act presumes parents have equal parental responsibility. that is the obligation to make decisions like schooling, health etc jointly. You may want to discuss the behaviour of the other parent in light of this, especially if you are going notice of risk route. To put it in layman's terms- if you lodge a notice of risk and don't at the very least ask for Sole Parental Responsibility in your orders, the court may think you are not very serious about the notice of risk because you on the surface of it appear happy to still have equal responsibility of the children. Courts very rarely award SPR, but this doesn't mean they don't when there is genuine risk to the children. Well worth discussing with a solicitor.

Hi,
We absolutely want overnights at our place. The reason I was thinking start of overnights with their dad at their grandparents house is that way it is a house they know and not being dragged to some place they have never been. Not to mention with a stepmom and step brothers they have never met, this way we can all be slowly introduced and they kids aren't being so overwhelmed with a million things to process all at once.

My plan of attack is not to use any videos or voice recordings unless it is absolutely necessary as I agree with you they can actually cause more harm than good in court. My intention is to use school records, text messages, emails and subpoena Dr records. Emails and texts we have are not only from us but from grandparents and other extended family trying to see the kids. I honestly have no doubt that she will totally bring herself undone because she can't help herself and she will say and do all the wrong things. She will use the terms "My Children" and will have no hesitation in saying she does not believe the father needs to spend anymore time with the children.

SPR you make a very good point as the thing that pushed my partner over the edge was the 4 year old had an accident and his bottom teeth we damaged, so much so they have to be extracted. Now she chose not to tell him until and week and a half later when the little one mentioned it on the phone. Seriously WTF!!!!
I personally want to go pick up the kids from school at let her file a recovery order. However that never ends well.

I thought going to staged approach would be a better option but in all honestly this woman is a nutcase and those poor kids will not grow up to be well rounded humans if we don't put a stop it. She has even told the 6 year old he isn't allowed to say I love you too his dad, the 4 year old doesn't listen and just says it and then smiles at her. We are not happy at all to have equal responsibility, we need to be their primary careers and allow her to have visitations on weekends and school holidays. I just think that if we go in asking for that we won't be seen to be ensuring it is the children's best interest. Long term absolutely it is in their best interest but would the court not deem removing them from their mother and living with dad that they have never been allowed to be alone with in their best interest. That would be a massive shock for them. We really are in a catch 22. If we go hard we could be deemed as not focusing on the children's best interest. If we don't go hard enough then your right the question would be then you can't be that worried if your willing to have shared parental responsibility.

 

[Rosscoe]

Hi,
We absolutely want overnights at our place. The reason I was thinking start of overnights with their dad at their grandparents house is that way it is a house they know and not being dragged to some place they have never been. Not to mention with a stepmom and step brothers they have never met, this way we can all be slowly introduced and they kids aren't being so overwhelmed with a million things to process all at once.

My plan of attack is not to use any videos or voice recordings unless it is absolutely necessary as I agree with you they can actually cause more harm than good in court. My intention is to use school records, text messages, emails and subpoena Dr records. Emails and texts we have are not only from us but from grandparents and other extended family trying to see the kids. I honestly have no doubt that she will totally bring herself undone because she can't help herself and she will say and do all the wrong things. She will use the terms "My Children" and will have no hesitation in saying she does not believe the father needs to spend anymore time with the children.

SPR you make a very good point as the thing that pushed my partner over the edge was the 4 year old had an accident and his bottom teeth we damaged, so much so they have to be extracted. Now she chose not to tell him until and week and a half later when the little one mentioned it on the phone. Seriously WTF!!!!
I personally want to go pick up the kids from school at let her file a recovery order. However that never ends well.

I thought going to staged approach would be a better option but in all honestly this woman is a nutcase and those poor kids will not grow up to be well rounded humans if we don't put a stop it. She has even told the 6 year old he isn't allowed to say I love you too his dad, the 4 year old doesn't listen and just says it and then smiles at her. We are not happy at all to have equal responsibility, we need to be their primary careers and allow her to have visitations on weekends and school holidays. I just think that if we go in asking for that we won't be seen to be ensuring it is the children's best interest. Long term absolutely it is in their best interest but would the court not deem removing them from their mother and living with dad that they have never been allowed to be alone with in their best interest. That would be a massive shock for them. We really are in a catch 22. If we go hard we could be deemed as not focusing on the children's best interest. If we don't go hard enough then your right the question would be then you can't be that worried if your willing to have shared parental responsibility.

Yeah... I hear you re: the overnights and I think your intentions are great and gentle and you are being child focused. However, this is a high conflict situation and my experience is that any plan agreed to in such conflict situations is that the devil is in the detail. So if the plan says "grandparents" house then the other parent will most certainly be inquisitive and if for some reason and overnight doesn't happen there (this is very feasible)she will immediately be down your throat saying there is a contravention etc etc. There will be more conflict and this is what is harmful to the kids.

My honest two cents worth - request for the schedule you envisage but you are under no obligation to say where these (overnights) are unless there are genuine risk factors. You may find that the children have this huge sense of relief and they really want to stay with you and their step brothers but then the plan (which OP will make sure is enforced to the letter) doesn't allow for that?

 

[RAM7778]

Yeah... I hear you re: the overnights and I think your intentions are great and gentle and you are being child focused. However, this is a high conflict situation and my experience is that any plan agreed to in such conflict situations is that the devil is in the detail. So if the plan says "grandparents" house then the other parent will most certainly be inquisitive and if for some reason and overnight doesn't happen there (this is very feasible)she will immediately be down your throat saying there is a contravention etc etc. There will be more conflict and this is what is harmful to the kids.

My honest two cents worth - request for the schedule you envisage but you are under no obligation to say where these (overnights) are unless there are genuine risk factors. You may find that the children have this huge sense of relief and they really want to stay with you and their step brothers but then the plan (which OP will make sure is enforced to the letter) doesn't allow for that?

Good point: You are absolutely correct life happens and if we don't stick to what it says to the letter the OP will 100% nail us for it.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me, you have really been a great help.