NSW Relationships Australia

[Rick O'Shay]

I attended Relationships Australia this week after some knowledgeable information on here and all went well.
Contacted my ex to keep her informed that they hope to arrange mediation with her.
Ex is now preventing me from talking in private with my daughter,arguing with me during phone calls with my daughter,allowing my daughter to stay at other peoples houses while I am available for her (first option) not providing contact numbers in order for me to speak to my daughter,people my daughter is staying with are not facilitating contact.
I have asked RA if they can expedite the mediation however there may be some delay.
Is this all I can do? Can my ex continue to alienate me from my daughter in this way? Can she continue to have no routine for my daughter and leave her with anyone even though I'm available?
I'm at a loss that I can sit here receiving texts telling me I'll speak to my 6 year old daughter if she asks to otherwise I won't and there is nothing I can do about this!

 

[sammy01]

yup nothing you can do... and nope RA is not able to get you in any quicker...
actually... There is a little but it aint nice... Suck it up. Don't argue.

Are you seeing the child at all? if so how often and under what conditions?

And realise that mediation is not likely to help... Anything agreed upon at mediation is a parenting plan... So it is not legally binding. It is an agreement but once one person no longer agrees then it is no longer an agreement... Pretty dumb I know... So one thing I want you to do... Find out if RA will help you turn any agreement you MIGHT get into consent orders???? Consent orders are stamped by the court and are legally binding...

So for the minute you need to suck it up and don't argue... When on the phone be nice as pie. Realise mum is listening so be smart... Tell the kid you miss her... Tell her that she has a really good mummy doesn't she? (suck it up).

Try to keep communication in writing via text... Dear ex, I'd love to have XXXX on Saturday from XXX until XXXX...... Please let me know if this suits or please inform me of a more suitable time... MANY THANKS.

Be nice as pie. Don't argue as you could easily find yourself dealing with the stress of an avo. Let's try and avoid that.

Mate been there done that... If you're clever (and lucky) you can avoid court. If you're clever (and lucky) you should expect 5 nights a fortnight or more plus half holidays.

But at the minute you kinda have to just suck it up... You could consider contacting a solicitor to get the ball rolling BUT I would encourage you to wait... WHY? well you can't apply to court until you have attempted mediation. So get the mediation done and then go see a solicitor OR if you're feeling confident the good folk here will help ya self represent so you don't have to pay solicitors OR at very least you could get most of the way through the process without solicitors.

 

[Rod]

And keep all your texts and emails as evidence. Suspect it may be useful in court. With the attitude being displayed by your ex I don't hold out much hope of an agreement unless you agree to all her terms.

Get ready for court, start reading up on the language and processes needed to get a parenting plan approved by the court.

 

[AllForHer]

Until you have parenting orders in place, mum (and you) can do whatever you like in respect of your child, which is why you need to get parenting orders in place as soon as possible.

But until that happens, you need to implement some self-preservation tactics to shield yourself, and your daughter, as much as possible from the conflict.

If ex is preventing you from having private conversations with your daughter, then have non-private conversations with your daughter.

If ex is arguing with you during phone calls with your daughter, then disengage - "All right, X, sounds like you and mummy are busy, so I'll talk to you again soon, okay? I love you, bye."

Now, you're not going to like this, but the stuff about mum putting the child in someone else's care instead of yours isn't proof of alienation. Is it proof of a difficult co-parenting relationship? Yes, but the bottom line is that it's mum's decision who the child the spends time with during the child's time with her. With parenting orders, mum has an obligation to facilitate the child having a meaningful relationship with you, whether via phone calls or time together, but nobody else does, including the people who the mother has designated to look after the kid during her time. Personally, if my friend asked me to look after her child, I wouldn't facilitate phone calls between the kid and my friend's ex, either, because the last thing I want to do is get caught in the middle of someone else's custody dispute.

Be careful about bringing that term 'alienation' to the Courthouse, as well. The term is speculative, and affidavits don't have room for speculation.