Recovery Order?

[JadeGoldCoast]

Hi all,

I'm wondering if you can help. I have just got home from meeting my partner's ex to collect my step son for week about changeover. When I got to the meeting point the mother refused to look at me and made the child (7 years) say he didn't want to come home with me. By made, the child wasn't able to voice these words, the mother told him over 10 times 'say it, say it, you have to tell her, say it' etc. Went on for about 2 minutes. I tried to speak to the child who I have a great relationship with but he was distraught crying and couldn't speak. She has advised the child will not return to our care as he doesn't want to, even though he has never had a problem coming to ours previously and we usually collect him from school.

Wondering where we go from here? Can we apply for a recovery order?

Thanks!

 

[sammy01]

7 year old? You guys have week about care? via court?
First You should be writing to mum today. From memory you guys have court orders???
Dear NUTTER,
You have breached the court orders. Please agree to meet today for the purposes of facilitating my time with XXXXX. Please confirm you will be at XXXXX (place) at XXXX (time) via text message. Please be advised that if you fail to comply with the court orders I will seek legal recourse which if necessary will be a cost order against you for the costs involved in seeking an urgent recovery order. I will also be seeking make up time lost and that you be placed on a good behaviour bond.
NEXT. Pick the kid up from school at 3pm on Monday. Aim to be there about 20 min before the end of the school day and take him home.

Then inform the nutter that you have picked the child up and in the event that she would like to discuss changing the parenting arrangements she can organise mediation. While you're there make sure in that letter you explain to the nutter that her approach to changing the parenting arrangements is unreasonable and puts unreasonable pressure on the kid.

What Next? - When you get the kid home, stay calm. Get dad to have a chat (better dad than stepmum) with the kid. Find out if the kid has concerns at your place. You might wanna consider teaching the kid to SIT. See my kids have been told that if mum rocks up un-announced, the kids is to sit and say I'm not going with you.

Not good. Crap stuff to have to put a kid through, but better than applying to court and dealing with all that bs.

 

[sammy01]

And when CSA call on Monday, lie.
Call Relationships Australia to organise mediation...
When CSA call back, tell them yup she's witholding the kid BUT you're in the process of sorting mediation and talking to a solicitor about a recovery order. CSA rules allow for a refusal for a change of assessment if one parent (her) isn't complying with orders and the other parent (him) is taking action to rectify the situation. The letter I suggested you write would also be evidence of trying to get her to play nice.

 

[JadeGoldCoast]

Hi Sammy, thanks for much for your advice. The message was sent to the mother and she is refusing to follow the orders. She is stating the child is always kicking and screaming when coming into our care and she wont make him if he doesn't wan to. Thankfully, changeover occurs at school and this is completely untrue. She is back to her old ways of compulsively lying. At mediation in March (that my partner requested due to the mother not taking the child to school enough) she started this game saying the child wasn't happy coming to our house. It was out of the blue so we discussed with the child at his next visit and he became extremely upset, said he wanted it to be 7 days at each house and we agreed not to talk about it again as it upset him so much. God knows what pressures she is currently putting on him to say what she wants him to say.

 

[sammy01]

change over happens at school? so why are you guys not just picking the kid up when it is your turn?

 

[JadeGoldCoast]

Because the child had a cold last week so didn't attend school all week. We kind of knew something was going on as the mother took the child not only to the doctor but to the hospital and was making out the child was a lot more sick that he actually was. This behaviour used to happen a lot before the court orders but it (to our knowledge) hasn't happened for a while.

The mother agreed for me to collect the child which is normal for us, so knew it wouldn't be my partner collecting the child. Took the child to the meeting point and made him (well tried to) tell me he didn't want to come to our house anymore. It was a very weird and uncomfortable experience for me and the child.

Mother since mediation is continually using sentences in her communication like 'the child has decided he doesn't want to take this prescribed medication and he is in charge of what goes into his body. You should listen to what your son wants and I will not be making him take it'. We have messages from last year where she advised us she doesn't make the child go to school if he doesn't want to as it's his choice and advised this again at mediation. Yesterday it was 'the child has decided he wants to speak to child safety, the police or a lawyer as he wants the orders amended'. The child is 7 and is supposed to be getting a cognitive test completed this Tuesday as he is currently failing year 2. He also has ASD. The child isn't aware we have orders and does not have any understanding of what a child safety officer is.

The child is starting to prefer mum's house because there's no rules. He doesn't have to go to school if he does want to, doesn't have to do home work, use cutlery to eat or brush his teeth twice a day he literally plays video games and games on his own phone all day. So to him mums house is the fun house. She's telling my partner he expects too much from his son and is emotionally damaging him. The mediatior didn't agree and pointed out in mediation that school is a legal responsibility and the father is providing structure and routine that is important for children. But mum still doesn't agree. Not sure what fairy land she lives in but it seems she's bribing the child to say he wants to live there and he can do whatever he wants. Child has always loved coming to our house.

 

[sammy01]

apply to court - go for primary care

 

[JadeGoldCoast]

Ok so we've spoken to a lawyer who has viewed some of the SMS correspondence with the mother and the child's school attendance reports. He has suggested based on those and the mother refusing to follow the orders he thinks we should apply for sole custody over a recovery order.

A letter was sent to the mother on Friday from the lawyer and he has requested a response by tomorrow at 5pm.

Unfortunately we are not in a financial position to hire a lawyer for the court proceedings. Depending on the mother's response we are considering paying him to write and lodge the application and then self representing. Last time we did the same thing and found self representing was ok. The mother was acting quite badly so my partner didn't really need to do much. I'm wondering if applying for sole custody will be a much bigger fight though and whether we are equipped to do this alone.

Does anyone have any advice?

 

[JadeGoldCoast]

Sorry for the double post. I was also wondering what the chances are of having a costs order approved if the mother does not work and is on a carers pension? I am guessing our chances are not great?

 

[sammy01]

Cost order? not likely. But judge could threaten it to get her to pull her head in.
Yup I like your idea - get lawyer to submit paperwork and include an application for a cost order. I would argue against sole custody. But go for sole parental responsibility, and primary care status. You want mum to have the kids alternate weekends and half school holidays.